Jesus.. I dont know what the hell I am doing.. I am so messed up.. Just thinking about divorce has got me all screwed up inside. Obviously divorce is not an option if I am so emotional over just thinking its over. I cant even distance myself from her without feeling like something is missing... All I know is that when we were not spending time together we were both miseable.. And I am happy when I am around my Wife.. She seems happier too, when she is around me. But she is talking to Om's. Not the original one, but ones she is meeting online.. That live near us.. Why does she feel the need to find some else before she has even given herself a chance to get over our failed marriage..
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
Kevin - I don't know if I am responding to you or to me. but of course distancing yourself from her will give you the feeling that someting is missing. Something IS missing. But distincing is something you have to do to get that something back. If you are both happier when you are together then do something that eases that emptiness when you are apart and let the vaccuum of no or little contact pull her back to you. I favor a little contact since it keeps you in her thoughs and does give you the chance to make any contact a very plesant one so she looks forward to the next one but not enough contact to give her the idea that you will always be there.
As to why she feels the need to find someone else before giving herself a chance with you - I think that like my wife, she has convenced herself that it is over and there is nothing that can make it work. with all your contacts being very plesant and happy experiences your love will continue to chip away at that belief one little chip at a time.
It takes a lot of effort to rebuild the R and only you can decide if it is worth the effort.
Have you thought about, and I say this only for your sake, drafting a separation decree? This would outline what you are willing to do, and allow you to stop the support if that is what you want. There was a good book on this at Barnes & Noble at Mall of GA.
I'm having the same issues come up with my WAW. She is content to have me pay everything, plus! And I am not sure when this will stop. Mind you, I have no problem doing anything for the children, but the thought of financing her leaving me gets on my last good nerve.
It might be worth drafting this even if it is only a discussion tool to use later.
I had one drafted when I first moved out and she refused to sign anything legal.. I think it scared her.. I know I didnt do a good job of dbing this weekend.. I let my emotions get to me.. We had a great time together this weekend, we bought each other a few gifts and even went to dinner together at our fav.. chinese food restuarant.. I am the one who pulled away this time.. I guess just in anticipation of her doing it first.. I dont know... I am so emotionally exhausted.. I just want my wife and family back. I think I pushed her away this weekend by going with my emotions.. But I have made an attempt at moving back forward with things since the set back.. I let her know my true feelings. I laid my heart out on my sleeve so to speak, and she didnt stomp on it... I need to back off and let her have her time.. its just hard because giving her, her time means her going out with other men.. DATING.... Well maybe a few bad dates will make her wake up.. She spent the night with me after her last date and said she didnt have a good time... Time is my friend and my enemy here.........
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
I have to distance myself. make her miss me.. Get a life.. What the hell do I have to loose right? Cant be any worse than things are now.. I was distancing myself, but then we started spending more and more time together.. And having a great time together. I guess this weekend was just my time of the month.. Way to emotional.. Basically I need to move on.. its her loss if she doesnt come back.. I am a great man. Good looking in great shape.. And young. I will be 30 in May.. I have the rest of my life to be able to find some one that will love me.. Too bad I have already found the one to love.. The odds are in my favor though.. Time to pully myself out of the gutter....
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
i have to ask this...are your taking any meds?? If not you might want to look into seeing someone about that. You are all over the place dude!!
You KNOW the best solution to your sitch is DISTANCE and DETACHING. You know these things work. The problem is that you go for the quick fix. You shut W out for a few hours or a day and she is right there, knocking at your door or calling you on the phone and you go with that. You talk abuot W being F-d in the head...the problem is you LET her do the things she does!!! SHe KNOWS what buttons to push to get her way, she knows when to cry and when to through a temper tantrum...she probably has even figured out that if she gives you a little then she is almost guaranteed to get her way. Whe uses your S and her other children to achieve her needs.
ONLY YOU CAN CHANGE THIS!!! She certainly won't, not while she has it this good.
ANswer me this:
If you were gven the choice of having your M intact into your golden years or ml to your W just one more time what would you do. There are catch's though.
In order to keep your M intact you must make an extreme sacrifice. You must give up your sight or your hearing. Without sight you will no longer be able to see your W but you WILL be able to hear her voice and take comfort in hearing her say ILY until the day one of you passes. Without hearing you will be able to see your W during your waking moments but her voice will never grace your ears and you may never be able to completely comprehend or understand her...BUT...she will ALWAYS be by your side.
If you choose to ml to her just one more time...your M will end. You will loose EVERYTHING and will basically render yourself deaf AND blind to your W for ALL time.
WHAT IS YOUR CHOICE??
Yo can't have it both ways, anymore then your W can. You want things to change (?)...then CHANGE them!!
Hugz, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Thanks Zoo, s usual you have a good way of being straight to the point with me, and making me realize what is going on.. She has the best of both worlds right now. I have to make her miss me.. So I am going to start detaching again..
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
kevin, absorb what Zoo has told you. You haven't so far...and you keep getting rejected. She is pushing your buttons because she knows what works. You need to remember that everytime you choose to not DB, your chances of not getting divorced get slimmer and slimmer...she takes you completely for granted. And I will say this...deep down, I would bet she wants someone who is strong and stands up for himself, kevin. Most women want that...and you CAN be that person if you put your mind to it.
W went out on a date last night. She told me about it afterwards.. Funny thing is that it didnt bother me.. I guess that is detachement.. She told me later that she didnt like the guy and had a miserable night..
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
I have done it.. I made a date for this weekend. I am moving on. Time to bite the bullet and show myself I can get out and have fun without my wife..
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
