Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers WAW - no contact, now refuses therapy, file?

It is mutual. The look happens, usually after a hug and eye contact. It's crazy that this used to be the norm but under the circumstances it is suddenly sketchy.

Just received a text that she'd like to meet later this week and said "love you" for the first time in 3 months. I did not respond. This is where the definition of 180 and NC get blurry.

I'm thinking of it like trying to feed a squirrel, just being cautious and not intimidating. So crazy to have to act like this with someone I've known so long. Running game on my own wife is surreal. But I'm continuing to work out and reading up on stuff I've realized about me so that is a plus, and sad that it took this.

To add, she swears there's no A but I have suspected at EA and possibly PA but that could be me mind reading and insecurities under the circumstances. Who knows, all I can control is me at this point and I am not wanting to snoop/stalk, but would rather get honest and open dialogue going and we can cross that bridge if we get there. Right now it's about stepping back from the cliff (or stepping off)

About to return from trip. W texted to offer picking me up from airport. I accepte with a simple thanks, immediately followed by a text that her current WAW roommate has stuck her with a repair bill. And she hates everyone and feels like she has no friends. All I could do is validate and try to understand but what can I do? She left and this is her $h@t.

I have detached. I have bettered myself. I have learned so much over the last 90 days. I am ready to not be walked on. I am willing to hear what (if any) changes she has made and what she wants. I will be in total listening mode in the next few days. I don't think she realizes this is a serious moment of truth in our lives, just as I didn't before she dropped the bomb on me.

I am ready. Either way. And it feels great.

AWAW, the start of your story is very similar to mine.. Even the time frame of BD and S is roughly the same (BD for me was 4 weeks before S).. The biggest difference is I am living in another state ATM, and have kids involved.. I'm hoping once I move closer to W and kids my changes will be seen better as were yours..

Seems like you have done well on the detaching and GAL stuff so good on you!!..

She wants to come back.
Picked me up and went home and talked a little, she said she'd like to move back this weekend. It's been 3 months of S and 2 months out of the house.

I told her we will need to have a very deep conversation this weekend before agreeing to this decision. I need to know what and why this happened and what about her has changed that will prevent this from happening again. Hope this isn't just a money issue for her, but she seemed sincere.

Any advice on how to communicate the first steps of a reconciliation?

Good luck AWAW !

Wow, great news. Slow and steady wins the race. Don't rush into it. Talk and communicate and set boundaries!

I'd echo others, don't rush it. I've been told that's the biggest mistake and not only have I personally experienced it but seen it pay out a number of times on the board. You might want to consider some MCing before letting her move back in. The yo-yo back and forth is horrendous, you want her there to stay if she really means it.

Stay cool. But that is absolutely wonderful news if she's serious. I'm cautiously optimistic for you.

Went to IC today, he said the same thing. Don't rush, that when someone makes the decision to return they will do/say whatever it takes to make it happen but then a few weeks later it could all come undone again.

Going to have a light date tonight and a serious talk tomorrow. This is a one shot deal so no sense in messing it up. It must be genuine for either of us to move forward.

But definitely a positive step.