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Your wife is an afult. Treat her that way. She can handle knowing her limits, and her options if she drinks too much to drive. Stop worrying about it.

Might be a good 180.

I want to hug and kiss her SO badly every time I see her

I know I sound pathetic. ...but it hurts

In response to above......I know she is an adult, and we talked about it. She said her friend decided that she is going to drive and "if they need to" they will call her boyfriend. My wife assured me she will be OK and I just explained I was concerned. She said she understood and we then continued to chat about small stuff. Just trying to let her know I care.

So how do I detach but still show her love? I started detaching Tuesday after our counseling session. I haven't told her I love her, I haven't held her hand . When we got home I told the sitter I wouldn't need sitter Friday night. (Had planned a date night for wife and I but she didn't know). Later she asked what the Friday night thing was....I told her about the plans..... She cried and said "so you're done?" I said no but made sure she knew that I understand she wants me to back off.
I want her to initiate SOMETHING. but I feel like the detaching isn't bothering her at all.....maybe just making I seem as if I'm ok with everything.
I usually buy her flowers every time I go grocery shopping for the week....but I didn't this week. I feel like I'm acting cold

I'm
Confused

Looking for support and help........

Well, I'm going to crash at a friends house for two weeks so she can decide what she wants. If she doesn't miss me after two weeks then she is never going to want to make it work.

Two weeks is NOTHING. Why are you putting a time limit on this? There are people on this forum who waited two YEARS or more.

Have you read the books yet?

Her request for one. Anything longer is going to be financially difficult. I'm just staying w a friend for a couple weeks to see if she even misses anything. If she decides for a real seperation, then it's on her to find a place. I know two weeks isn't much....but it's a start for both of us. I'm having a hard enough time w that.

"I want her to initiate SOMETHING."

Having EXPECTATIONS of this is unrealistic. Lose the expectations and live how you want to live.

"but I feel like the detaching isn't bothering her at all.....maybe just making I seem as if I'm ok with everything."

Do you understand what detachment is? It's not a ploy to get her to think of you. Detachment is for YOU not your W. It's detaching YOUR emotions from the situation so you don't feel hurt from every little thing you perceive she is doing to destroy your relationship. You give power to her actions not her.

As an example... if a total stranger came up to you and started yelling at you and called you a loser and said they didn't love you, you'd probably shake your head, chuckle and walk off without it bothering you. That's because you don't give their words any power. Your W is no different than that stranger. She's just a woman not some queen or your boss, yet you give power to her words so that you end up being a quivering mass of fear.

Detach your emotions from her and you'll be able to ignore her actions.

Should I even bother with the two weeks or just tell her if she wants out to leave? I'm so confused and hurt it's hard to even think straight

I have no crystal ball and am not a vet, so take this with a grain of salt. There isn't a decision being made here most likely. I mean, I've read a lot of these threads and haven't seen the one where after two weeks WAW says she made a big mistake. I'm sure it's happened, but even then the guy rushes back in and goes too fast and it doesn't work too well. So I think in realit this is a step towards a more formal step on her part.

As for what YOU should do, I get why you'd say just rip the bandaid off. I mean, if that's the direction you are going why not just do it, right! But here's the thing. There are many reasons why she might want to do it this way. May e to spare your feelings, maybe because she is conflicted, most likely because it is easier to get into cold water little by little rather than jumping in and getting overwhelmed.

SO- if you knew your W was for sure out, but for needed to do it this way FOR HER- would you be compassionate enough to give her the time to go at her own pace? Also, when you look back on this do you want to be the guy that reacted out of pain and tore everything apart to get it over with, the whole while acting kind of crazy and giving her every reason to feel she made the right decision? Or do you want to be the guy with no blood on his hands, the one that transcended reactions and hurt, that showed growth and understanding and patience, that was strong enough to behave according to his values and beliefs instead of being defensive and emotional?

This isn't just about what gives you the best chance of getting her back. In fact, at some point that's not much of it at all. Sorry to tell you, you can't control the outcome because you can't control her, so trying to control her now won't work. And there is a very, very real chance this wont end the way you feel you need it to at this moment. But the one thin you can control is you, and i know you'd feel better looking back and knowing you handled this the best you possibly could have.

How do you get the strength to do this? You rise to it because you HAVE to. It's not easy, but if it means enough you can do it. I like to use the mantra 'act with the kind of character I expected her to have'. If you expect her to be able to endure hard times, stay loyal and committed when things aren't working for her, forgive you for he pain you've caused, etc...show her how someone can do that by doing that now for her- which is REALLY for yourself.