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Do you think this will move you closer to your goal? Can you do it with no expectations and no pressure? Can you handle it if he says no?
It could be a great opportunity to let your 180s shine.

Eek! I guess I do have expectations, so maybe I'm not ready to invite him. I'm not ready to be rejected -- I think it will put me in a funk.

Also, when he asked for separation he said he needed space, so I feel like I'm pushing him if I were to invite him. I also told him that I wouldn't be initiating contact with him, since he was requesting space, but that I would welcome it if he initiated. So I guess I should stick to that?

It's been just over three months since BD. I don't know where he is in the MLC process, since he is not opening up to me. It's so hard to know what to do!

Maybe having him around for the afternoon would provide an opportunity to gauge where he is.

I struggle with this one a lot. I so want to be around or near my W. But then when I am, it makes it harder because it never goes the way we planned it or the way we think it should. My IC has a poster that says:
"It never goes THAT way"

Good luck. Regardless of what happens, get out and enjoy the good weather. In my area, the good weather days are becoming fewer and fewer!

Had a good day with D14. While we were out H texted to say he was coming by the house to get stuff from the garage. I told him what we were up to and mentioned that maybe we'd cross paths later, but we didn't because D and I ended up eating out. Probably for the best that I didn't invite him. As usual, it sounds like he was busy with work stuff (which involves the studio in the garage), and probably would have declined. I know this is mind reading on my part, but I'm trying to justify why it was probably good that I didn't invite him. And yes, bdub, if he had said yes, then it probably wouldn't have been what I wanted -- a loving family all together like old times. Those times are gone. Instead it would have been the three of us, with me pining for the old times, and him happy to have extra time with D and a chance to be "friendly" with me, but that's all.

I think maybe keeping distance is the way to go, unless he initiates. It gives me more peace, and that's worth a lot these days.

So, an hour and a half before I was due to bring D14 over to H's place, he calls and invites us to dinner to celebrate a work accomplishment for him -- something I've been supporting him with for the past several years. He wants to take me out to thank me. Turns out he wanted to celebrate all weekend, but didn't have people to celebrate with. Even though I'm the consolation prize, I'm glad he invited me (and picked up the check). It makes me feel like I did the right thing by waiting for him to initiate contact. I have to trust that he will seek me out on his own terms and in his own time, if that's what is to be. Anyway, immediately afterward I went out by myself and heard some fantastic music, and had a great night overall.

Feeling good right now, no matter what the outcome. I did get a hug after dinner. We had some fun reminiscences, but I have to say, I'm still not very attracted to him right now. I'm sure it's just because my view of him is tainted by all the hurt and confusion. I wonder if that will change in time if our circumstance change?

That is good news Ahoy!
It looks like pulling away has maybe pulled him toward you.
Don't forget to have no expectations though!

I think things can change. Your situation is still very new. Did you enjoy your dinner?

I will be careful not to have expectations! I think (mind reading) that he probably was just lonely for someone to share his good news with. He certainly didn't ask me anything about my work, or my family, or anything else about me. (This is standard for him, and he wonders why he doesn't have any close friends.)

Maybell, I did enjoy the dinner. I just think of it as having dinner with a friend, which is easy since I'm not feeling romantic toward him right now anyway.

I was able to appreciate that he wanted to thank me and be friendly, and am being careful not to attach any more importance to it than that.

Thank you & bdub for the responses! It's nice to have folks cheering me on, and to return the favor.

Hey, there, Ahoy. More cheers coming in from this angle. Glad to hear that you're "Doing what works". You and I need to take stock, as Maybell did in her thread, probably with a solutions journal.

Hello Ahoy, it sounds like the dinner was a positive experience, and it sounds like you're doing well. He may have wanted to share the good news with someone, but it's nice that he wanted to thank you specifically. Just caught up on your sitch and sending warm thoughts. Thanks for stopping by my thread the other day.