Damn, Cathy! I am so sorry you are going through run-away part II!
I have to agree that you are making assumptions that this has anything to do with OW.
However, I'm going to be brutally honest with you here...in my opinion, you have shared enough with us all to give me the heebie-jeebies about your H. There are many things that DB techniques can do wonders on...but...DBing can't fix problems with a spouse who has big-time alcohol issues and is verbally and emotionally abusive.
I was married the first time around to a Jekle & Hyde alcoholic. He was fine when sober, but would binge drink. When he drank, a personality would come out that was quite evil & very abusive. Over the years, the binges got closer together and the abusiveness bled more & more into the sober periods.
I know you have DB'ed your butt off. I want you to be happy and I want your son to grow up healthy and strong. If continuing to try to save your M is what will make you happy, then I will support you, but I don't like the way he is being verbally and emotionally abusive to you!
Hi Cathy! Just checking in on you. You may be making assumptions. Even if he is with ow, it doesn't mean it's a bed of roses. As I've been told over and over by H, it's a place to run. I know that isn't comforting. Unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do about it. Except pray alot.
Pattie
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
Cathy, I have to say that you have gotten a lot of good advice here! Isn't the support here wonderful?!
My H ran back in the tunnel and it felt like we were going backwards. My H says one thing but his actions speak a whole new language!
They all go through this stage, and it isn't pretty for them or us. Only you know the path you want to take. We are here whenever you need us!
Just step back and drop the rope. And keep moving forward. Detach, but be there if your H needs a shoulder~be a friend. I think you are the only and best friend he has right now.
I did manage to sleep off and on. I'm not trying not assume he went to OW's, but don't know where else he could have to. He took some clothes, his work clothes and his winter coats?!
I also find it very strange that he did run again. Things weren't looking that way. But then H wasn't talking to me a whole lot, he hasn't been drinking a lot, for him anyway, the last few weeks. I know he wasn't feeling well and was mad that he couldn't just "watch his movie!".
When he was yelling I told him that I didn't like that he was doing that in front of our son, the swearing, but H made it about H? I can't remember what he said, but it was about something totally different.
This whole this is so confusing right now. Like H should be here, but isn't?
Quote: According to what HB told me, it does look like they are going backwards at this time when they really are not. She said that her husband went through the same thing when he had to face his final fears and he got scared. She watched him go through this in fast speed because it only took him a week. Your husband could take longer or it could be the same amount of time.
But my H isn't here. HB's H was at home. I thought I was giving my H space, not pesting him or pushing, but I just couldn't let H be an A** to me anymore, thus the reason I spoke the way I did to him last night.
Now I don't want to talk to him or see him. I feel like I should go dark and just let him do what he's going to do. Whatever that is.
How can he come back now? He won't, he's moving again. This time it'll have to be different, but I do know I'm not letting him treat me like crapp anymore.
Tal: It is scary that he's the way he is and maybe he cannot change that part of him. I don't know that I want to stay married to him unless he gets help.
Quote: I know you have DB'ed your butt off. I want you to be happy and I want your son to grow up healthy and strong. If continuing to try to save your M is what will make you happy, then I will support you, but I don't like the way he is being verbally and emotionally abusive to you!
I don't know that it will make me happy, saving THIS marriage. I was hoping we'd have a different M once he came through all of "stages of MLC" but it might be like trying to lasso the moon...ain't gonna happen.
He is mean to me and I've told him that. I feel stronger today than I have during any of this as I have nothing to lose right now. I my mind I'm letting him go for good. I have nothing to lose anymore.
Glad you sound better. It's scary isn't it? How do they go from being home and nice to the screaming meanies? I still haven't figured out what really triggers it.
Let's stick together, we can handle anything.
Pattie
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
If anyone who's been following my sitch wants to be "brutally honest" with me today, feel free! Was I miss something? Things were very quiet all last week, too calm, in fact.
Instead of feeling lost and in pain...YOU should be thanking God and Greyhound he's gone.
He is sick. He chooses to be sick. And YOU have become co-dependant on his sickness.
His walking out IS the best thing he could have done for you and your son.
He is unhealthy and his sickness was taking over every facet of your life like a cancer.
Get out a piece of paper and write down all the GOOD qualities of that man...NOT the ones you wish he had or tried to convince yourself he had...but the ones he REALLY had.
Then write down all his negatives.....and when you're done with those lists, you'll have your answer.
Go out and celebrate your freedom from his self imposed nightmare...you haven't lost a thing, HE HAS. T2
