Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy 1 step forward, 1000 steps back - part 6

H has offered to send me updates throughout the day about what he is doing and who he is with during the outing. I will be posting a lot on Wednesday for support. I know it will be imperative for me to keep my cool.

On Thursday we are going away together for the night for a vendor event through his work. It's at a beautiful location and should be a great opportunity to connect -- esp since someone else is picking up the bill! I want to show him that I can keep it together Wednesday and then have a fantastic time on Thursday. I don't want to let my anxiety wreck our time. It's a big week for me

He offered this without you asking? If so, that sounds really positive, and shows that he is aware that you are anxious and is trying to put you at ease.

mdu, you just need to reeeelaaaaax a bit. (imho) Don't forget everything you learned about detachment. Don't go looking for another roller coaster to hitch on to.

I had expressed to him that I was anxious about it and wasn't sure what to do. He said he would think of ideas to help and that is what he came up with.

That's an interesting point about detachment. I feel like I keep forgetting that I need to keep these things up --- permenately.

Ok, good. Now let go, step way back, and let him live up to his word. He will. And the day after the outing, you'll feel good for letting him prove himself, and he'll feel good for coming through.

Things sound pretty good here - just let the world unfold as it should.

Thx Zew!

H is coming by tonight to mow the lawn. I am determined to push past my anxiety about Wednesday and show a PMA. In the past in situations like these I want to talk and talk and talk. But that's really not going to help at this point, as you said I need to just let go and let it unfold. I'll post my progress later. Posting is definitely a lifesaver.

H came and mowed the lawn. It was kind of sad, the kids wanted him to stay. I kept it cool but it's tough, I just wish he would come home.

The next few days I'm in training at work. Hopefully it will be engaging and a good distraction, especially on Wednesday when H will be at the work outing with OW.

Running in the am the next few days is going to have to be an absolute must! So helpful to my PMA and I've really been inconsistent. Gaining some weight, ugh!

Feel like I'm pulling out of the low I was at earlier today. I love documenting my ups and downs here...especially the ups, good reminder when I'm in a bad place that feelings come and GO.

I read a book recently called ACT With Love that encouraged readers to accept the feelings they have, let them have their space and let them go again rather than dwelling on them and fighting with them. If you haven't read it it may help with your feelings about OW.

I'm really glad you didn't say anything about H's work event. That would have been a major backslide. At some point you will have to trust that he will do the right thing. If you can have an open discussion about this particular event (after the event) without blowing up you will be making major strides in your situation.

Thx again Barrybran. I will check that out.

I'm having a tough night. My mind is racing with H and OW. Why does it seem like this is getting harder now that H and I are moving closer to piecing? I'm just finding it impossible to trust him. It's not that I think he's sleeping with her again but I worry that he's keeping a small flame flickering at the office, perhaps chatting or walking by her office unnecessarily. How would I ever know? And while he has made positive strides is that really enough? There's a lot that's still missing --- like him coming HOME and full transparency. It concerns me that he still has not agreed to those things. I think at the moment the only thing that is keeping me going is him saying he would get MC references this week. I hope we can confront some of these significant outstanding issues directly with the MC. And I hope we can find someone good and get an appointment ASAP.

Hopefully by posting here I can let some of these anxieties go for a bit. I mean although I am freaked at the moment I don't think there's anything I can (or should) do until we get to a MC. It seems the wisest thing to discuss under MCers guidance. I just need to find a way to get myself calm until then. Man this sux. Boy I hope that the training I'm in tomorrow is phenomenal and totally engaging. I could use the distraction!

I think being patient is all you can do really. I'm in limbo in my situation at the moment where my wife isn't going anywhere but she isn't coming towards me either so I have to keep reminding myself to just keep doing my thing and hope that the old adage of time and consistent changes builds trust over time for her. Like you, there's a whole bunch of stuff I want to bring up when things are good and I know where it will get me if I bring it up now so I'm just filing it away and plugging along on my own. I think that's all you can do; keep living your own life, be open and responsive to your husband and be ready when he's ready.

As for the office stuff, Wonka and Starsky have mentioned several times about the stinin' thinkin'. You're only doing yourself harm there.

Mdu, I feel for you. It's really challenging not to go down the rabbit hole of obsessive thinking when your H works with OW. I have definitely struggled with this too. At some point we have to make a leap of faith and trust again. That takes time. I'm not there yet either. It's getting easier as I see the changes H is making. Be gentle with yourself and try and focus on the positive things your H is doing right now. It sounds like he's been trying taking some good steps lately. That's great news!