Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Maybell X

Maybell, this probably isn't worded the way I mean it, but I think you'd be hard pressed to find anyone on here that would find their WAS fun and exciting enough to warrant a second date unless the WAS was willing to put in equal work. I just don't know that it's apples to apples if you're comparing your H to a new person. I've gone on a couple 'dates' with my WAW and they're more awkward and strange right now than fun and exciting. So I think your feelings are normal at this stage. Does that make sense??

Anyway, hang in there!

Trying to connect on a 'date' is tough and that does worry me too. (is this why OP is easy for them - the connection is easy and trust doesn't matter?)

I think I posted this on someones thread earlier (maybe mine)

She wants to work on connection first then follow it up with regaining trust.
I want to regain trust first and try to get the connection back at some point.

It creates a different starting point and frustration.

I would do connection first. You have to be connected to have anything to trust. But that's me.

Maybell-

I just wanted to reach out. You always have such great advice for the other posters here. I have been reading your sitch a lot and haven't had many words for you that would be of any help as we all know I am def not a seasoned vet around this place!

Catching up today I had to say something. I really relate to how you feel and you sound like how I felt a couple months ago. I just want you to know there is light at the end whether it be with H or not.

I am by no means a vet so I won't even venture to give advice but just know that people do change. For the better and sometimes for the worst. Maybe your H is done and maybe he isn't but YOU will be happy and you will make someone very happy one day. I too struggled with wanting the boys to grow up in a home with both parents. But you know what if
They don't that's okay too. As long as they have love and support from both parents they too will be okay. Make sure you take time for yourself and do things that make you happy. I hear the pain in your posts lately and my heart goes out to you.

Hugs

Thank you very much, T. It's embarrassing to hear that I have good advice for other posters when I feel like I just went on a two-day tantrum.

My theme for the month is that life is bigger than we expect and that it pretty much always turns out ok if you just try to be the best person you can be. I'm trying to live with a ten-years-out perspective. It's clearly going to take some practice.

Thank you so much for your support. I can't believe the way your H turned around. I hope your older son is adjusting to everything ok. He sounded like he had a tough go of things for a while.

Ss, ha! Orange is my favorite color. Explains a lot about me, doesn't it?

I want to figure out how to be more strategic in my thinking here. I want to give the marriage the chance it deserves and make appropriate use of the time remaining to us. I want to have a kind of armor of logic I can use to contain my frustrations as they arise, and also to help me decide how and when to interact with my H.

I guess step one is to detach more. I think him saying he wanted to spend time with me shook me up the same way hearing about the end of OW did.

Saying treat him like a brother isn't helpful because I expect to have fun with my brothers. I guess I could treat him like my batty, needy neighbor. (That would so horrify him if he knew I was comparing him to her).

I think also I need to acknowledge that he's not very attractive right now. It's kind of arrogant for him to think I'm pining over him, and arrogant of him to fail to consider that the way my life is going could impact my feelings & opinion of him. If I just see him that way until he proves otherwise I won't be so disappointed.

Well I wrote an email that most mlc people would write.

I wrote just like I do on here, I've had enough of being someone else. I'm going to do it for me by me in my time. You should read the thread, pubes, dust bunnies and lots of weird stuff mentioned. He will freak, but meh!

The friggen things over. I cannot kill it any more. True story.

Does everybody go through a period of feeling ready to give up? I'm having a hard time remembering a time when I felt close to my H or having faith that we could ever get there again. I am tired of being ignored and taken for granted. I can't remember what I'm fighting for. But I also have a weight in my stomach and I don't know what it means.

And yes, I resent like crazy that he bought this stupid house after he started the affair and it's been dumped on me fully. He didn't even help with the dishes after lunch on Sunday.

Holy cats. I think I have a period of ready to give up ALL THE TIME.

I'm not even going to write what my latest mantra is to myself. It's so negative and I really need to stop giving it brain space.

So ...yeah, I get that.

I need a reset button or something.

Why do you think I wrote an email that's more than like gonna cause spew?

I'm tired, I cannot be ar$ed to Molly coddle him. Seeing how much$ he's got and how he's still wants more from me, it's all about freaking him! As always he more selfish than ever. Way more.

He's got lots of things he hasn't listed on the assets. Lots like the contents of his about 10-20 k in it. Which I forgot yesterday. His extensive gun collection I would guess about 5k there or more?

I'm just bloody being true to me, and he can to to fire truck island camp there with everyone (well I think he refers to ow as everyone) and they can die of an std!