Question: Is it worth leaving off my ring knowing that D11 will likely notice and report it to H?
If he asked I would say "I am tired and needed a break. I took it off as a way of taking some anxiety off my plate. If you need to take yours off too I will understand."
Not that I think he will ask.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Whatever you decide to do should be for you. Don't worry about what you are supposed to say or think you need to say to placate others. I know there are varying opinions on this and I see both sides. However, your old m is dead. So the ring may represent that old m right now.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Maybell, I took my rings off after H stayed out all night and showed up at 6:30am the day before we left for a family cruise. I haven't worn them since and I really don't think he or anyone else has noticed. He hasn't worn his since before BD, that's how it all came out anyway, I asked him why he wasn't wearing them and to put them back on. That didn't happen.
At this point, you should do what feels right to you and don't worry about what impact it may or may not have on H.
I stopped wearing my ring in February, she never noticed or mentioned it until July. I told her point blank that I had to stop wearing the ring because I had to rebuild my life.
She responded "I understand" and told me she still wears the ring because she still has hope for us....to which I say in my inner voice "then why the h*** don't you just come back home and work with me?" LOL!
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
I made a fuss about his ring a couple of weeks ago and he put it back on. At least when he's around me he wears it. Who knows what he does other times.
To be consistent I should wear mine. But I don't care any more if he wears his and mine is keeping me tied to a reality that is no longer real.
I'm not trying to distance him. I'm trying to detach from all the heartache and impatience I've been feeling. And I'm truly tired. There is no more I can do than what I'm doing. Maybe if I put the ring aside I'll be able to smile more freely. That's really all I want, is to be able to smile at him.
I may put it back on tomorrow but I don't want to wear it today. I'm so tired.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Thinking of you. I hear you. Do what you feel you need to do at this moment-- what will help you step back and relax for a bit. What are you doing to treat yourself well this week?
I just couldn't put it on anymore. I would slip it on in a half decent mood and it felt like getting punched in the stomach. The truth is I don't have a wife right now so it's hard to wear a symbol saying I do.
Do what makes you feel better. We need to become whole, happy people or it won't matter if they do come back because the relationship will be worst.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
I can't pull out my PMA when he contacts me. I don't know what it is. I just can't get there. I'm OK with every other part of my life except him. When I think of him, I just sink into a black hole.
I wanted to be able to put my ring on again but I'm not sure I can.
Was yesterday really so bad? Am I just so deep in my own perspective that I can't get out?
It's so nice to see good things happening for other people. Why can't I rise to the occasion? I talk a good game...
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Don't put expectations on the time table of your feelings. Things have been rough lately and your perspective is bound to be wacked hard.
The ring thing is hard. I haven't worn mine for a while. It's hard to wear them when it's hot and super dry, my hands feel tight so I took them off about a week before BD and haven't even looked at them. I'm afraid to. In fact, I haven't worn ANYTHING H has given to me. I just can't.
Well, you all can 2x4 me if you want and I probably deserve it. I should just have a talk-only plan on my phone.
Me: (after a brief exchange about kids calling) Do you honestly still want to spend time with me?
Him: I do. Yes. I can say that honestly. But I can't honestly say that I know how to answer in what capacity. I know you want something more concrete than that. I'm sorry I can't give it.
Me: you do not actually know what I want. I wish you would please quit mind reading. It makes things significantly more complicated than they need to be. I actually would consider it very pleasant if I just believed you want to enjoy my company. I can not consider you a romantic contender at the moment. I do not want that when I'm not even sure I can enjoy spending time with you.
Him: I'm not trying to mind read. I was trying to answer your question. I won't try to put words in your mouth. I'm sorry.
Am I trying to draw him closer or push him away? Answer: Relieve pressure by just wanting to be friendly and not pushing the whole marriage thing and ALSO make it clear that I'm NOT Plan B.
I'm glad to be at the end of this day. I think I'll pop open something alcoholic and finish my goofy romance and go to bed early. Tomorrow is IC where I'm sure to hear reinforcement at the idea of keeping off the ring, and more kid stuff and job searching. No, I'm not taking particularly good care of myself at the moment. I'm TIRED.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
