What I'm meant by the "butterfly effect" and how it relates to people's interactions is ...
People tend to establish a pattern in how they interact with others, similar to the way air current will set up weather patterns. If left undisturbed, the pattern could possibly go on forever. From this cycle, others start to expect you to take certain actions and even anticipate them. Of late in a WAS's mind, those expectations are based on their memory of a negitive pattern.
Your 180's are like the effect a butterfly's wings has on disturbing the air currents. Which in time changes the weather around the world. Unnoticable at first, but in time your H notices your interactions are no longer what he has come to expect. And typically, when changes are made that are positive (like you showing an interest in shopping for a new car with him), they tend to influence other changes in a positive manner.
By keeping the positive changes going, what first caught H by surprise (as I susupect happend last Tues & Wed.) , he will start to come to expect as the "new" pattern the will tend to draw him yet even closer.
Really, Holdingon, it just a fancy way of saying ... Patience! While the butterfly may cause the world's weather to change, it doesn't happen overnite ... even the next day, but it does happen somewhere down the road.
Well, I continue to be holdingon... really trying to live life by looking at the positives... funny, it really does make your life seem so much MORE positive. LOL Why did I never notice that before??
One thing I have noticed that we LBS do is watch the clock. Maybe especially us women... of course we are encouraged to do so by counselors, some R books...
But I think we really do ourselves a disservice. I wonder if the WAS has a clue about how long they have been doing what they are doing. Maybe they do, who knows. But I know I get all paranoid thinking, "oh my gosh, I've been S almost a year" and I don't think the calendar really has that much to do with the MLC healing. I think it is just one more obstacle for us to overcome.
Well, I keep on my journey... and hopefully, H is keeping on his. Maybe one day we will meet up, and have lots of stories to tell of our time apart on our respective travels. In the meantime:
1. I pray to God to remove the "video tape" images from my memory bank... yea, you all know the ones that play over and over, especially when we are experiencing low PMA. 2. Stop worrying about the calendar. When he comes home, he comes home... until then, it IS what it IS. 3. Keep having FUN. 4. Keep connecting with friends and thinking about THEM. 5. Try to DB my S16 who acts very much like my WAS... how frustrating. And when I talk to my S, I am not proud of what comes out of my mouth, and it scares me to think I can STILL talk like that... I though DBing cured me of that.Oy 6. Keep reading, praying, reading, praying 7. Remember just how far I have come. I mean, I am EATING and I SLEEP SOUNDLY without medication. Just those things are a vast improvement over a year ago. I am independent. I am going out A LOT with friends. I am traveling with kids BY MYSELF. I am working on working full time next fall... I LIKE ME. 8. Stop thinking about H, stop analyzing H, realize H is in a BAD place... someday he will figure that out.
Thanks all, for your continued support here. Someday we should throw Michelle a party.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I really appreciate your visits to my post. You are a WISE, WISE woman....and are seeing life so clearly. Your H seems to be testing the waters with you...y'know, 2 steps forward, 1 step back. That is very positive, I think!
I love your recent goals...think I'll borrow ALL of them, ok?
Quote: Well, I keep on my journey... and hopefully, H is keeping on his. Maybe one day we will meet up, and have lots of stories to tell of our time apart on our respective travels. In the meantime:
You hit the nail on the head....we ARE on our own journeys....and the true love we once had with our H's may return after our individual travels. It has for several here on BB. If not, we'll be so much stronger and better prepared for a true R in the future.
Having your quiet strength here on the board has been one of the many privileges of posting here. You never cease to amaze me with your pearls of wisdom and perseverance.
For what it's worth, I feel like you, Optimist and I have been with each other every step of this journey. Maybe it's because we have had so much in common the past year? Maybe it's the duration for all 3 of us? Maybe it's because we're just old?
Seriously, I think you have a fabulous outlook on life and some great goals. Your sons have a terrific mom and your H has a terrific wife. I hope he can work through his stuff to see what you have to offer.
Big hugs and take care,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Feel like we have been going down our path for a long time!
It seems that no matter what our sitches they do cross over once in a while and seems like they are the same.
The confusion of our S's, their craziness, the 1 step forward and 2 back. What a ride this is! Days when we wonder if we have the strength to keep going, days when we find the patience to hang in there!
And don't we all wonder if this will ever work!
I see a lot of good things happening on the BB! Many success stories! Some are on the brink of success! Some on the verge of turning corners.
I've meet a lot of great people here! You are one of them!
I get it, I could never explain it, but I get it. I have a book called "The Circle" and something similar to this theory is in that book. 
