Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Stimulus-Response: The Experiment Continues

In case you were worried, I HAVE NOT expressed ANY of this to GUBU.

It's been all Polka-dots and Rainbows as far as he's concerned.

I did ask him to pick up my prescriptions on his way here tonight, which he is doing for me. They weren't ready when I was able to get out.

Yes.
I admit it.
There was a little bit of me that was thinking:

"Just get a load of all these DRUGS I'm taking, take a look at my skeletal frame. Then just keep on hitting because I'm not dead yet!"

And no, I don't expect him to notice or comment at all, although a normal person would.

Normal is long gone.


---GGG

And sorry for the ranting... I know better than to let this train of thought take me over.

I hold it together most days---then comes the day, inevitably, where I just feel like I'm falling apart, worn down to the nub and there's nothing left to build on.

It's just hard to do this day after day, month after month, never knowing what's going to happen, or even what IS happening.

It definitely seems easier to cut and run.

This DBing is not for the faint of heart.
I don't know how people do this for years, when there are OM/OW...

I don't care how much you focus on and work on yourself.

At some point, there is your life partner, treating you like crap and jerking your leash all over until your neck is ready to snap.

And they're oblivious.
(Or worse, they're deliberately doing it.)

Some days it's just easier to tolerate than others.

I know I'm tired and run down.

The weekend with my friends giving me unwanted advice over and over was not fun.
It was supposed to be this relaxing weekend and instead it became about THEM and what THEY WANTED.

I've had enough of what other people want from me at the moment.

Thankyouverymuch.

---GGG

One last thought before bed.

Just the idea of "agreeing" to take the wind out of their sails.

"GUBU, I've been thinking.
Maybe at this point it would be a really good idea for us to start dating other people.

You know, really see what's out there for us, maybe it will help me move forward with this divorce, which I know is something you want.

Nothing would speed that up like falling in love with the right person, you know?
You know lots of people, maybe you can help me out with that?

I think I'm really ready for a new serious relationship since our marriage was so miserable and dead for so many years.
I think maybe I'd even get married again, the sooner the better!

I don't want to waste another minute and you're sure not getting any younger.

Maybe Mr. and Ms. Right are out there, waiting to complete us!

Heck, we could even compare notes! Wouldn't that be funny?

I have a few nice women I could send your way, and I know you know plenty of single guys.... what do you think?

Of course, they'd have to be closer to my own age, (younger than you) but you know some available guys like that, right?
You know the type I like, you can weed them out for me, you know, give them the once over, check their status, all that stuff. Get some good recommendations .

And I can do the same for you. Wouldn't that be great?

Wanne be my wingman????"


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHH!!!!!

I'm really only half kidding here!

The last thing teenagers want to do is something THEIR PARENTS think is a "wise idea"...



Goodnight, all.

---GGG

Keep up that sense of humor G, you're gonna be fine.

GGG just wanted you to see I'd stopped by your thread. Hang in there, lady, you're the bomb.

Thanks FY, Maybell, EVERYONE!


Today is a beautiful day and after a decent night's sleep, (better living through chemistry!), I am full of fresh determination to keep my PMA actively working for me.

Yesterday was tough and I found myself in a dark place.
It hadn't happened like that in so long I'd started thinking I was past that.

Boy, was I wrong!

Guess I'm human after all, just with Super-Human Gumby aspirations!
------------------------------------

Today I will exercise in more productive ways, like taking leaps of faith, working out my brain with hard-core DBing/problem solving, paving the road home, and sweeping my side of the street until it's worthy of a postcard----instead of jumping to conclusions and spinning like a dervish.

GUBU will do what he will.
He will continue to hurt me, intentionally or not.
He will try my patience and test the limits of my sanity and strength.

One of the main reasons I never had kids is because I never wanted teenagers!!
For this very reason!!
If they'd stop developing before puberty, I probably would have a passel of little GGGs right now.
-----------------------------------

Gratitude: That I don't have children. This would be so much harder.
At least I know that at the end, if I no longer want to be exposed to GUBU's antics, I can end the experiment and never visit the Petrie dish again.
He won't even get my phone number. Clean break.

Gratitude: That I have a roof over my head, plenty of animal and DBing pals to talk to, and I have no need of a gym membership to stay fit!

Gratitude: There is no one here to tell me what to do, criticize me, hurt me.
I can go completely dark and shut it all down...
I opened myself and my heart a little to GUBU when he offered me that beer and we had such a nice chat... I left myself vulnerable and immediately was hurt.
I had an expectation. I didn't realize I'd had one until the pain came.
Things seemed better, we were back to talking and texting, smiling...
What was I thinking?

Gratitude: I have choices. If I decide it's what's best for me, I do NOT have to stay here and do this if I feel it is harmful to my well-being.
And my well-being is my absolute #1 priority now.
Much higher than anything else, and certainly much higher than any R with GUBU.

Gratitude: I am still Gumby Goat Gal, Triple G, triple threat.
True, I can intimidate a lot of men. But there are plenty our there who would not only love me, but admire me for all that I am, instead of try to diminish me so they feel better about themselves. Men who are emotionally healthy.
I deserve that in a R. If not, being alone is much more appetizing than being with GUBU.

Gratitude: I have a great life aside from the GUBU sitch and I am my own worst enemy when I allow him to create negative thoughts in my head.
I control my head and therefore, my emotions.

I am going to focus on what's going right for me, and pay no attention to him over there, making a mess of his sandbox.
If he throws any cat turds into mine, I'll just scoop 'em out and keep building my beautiful sand castle!


-------GGG
Who has "THE POWER"!!!!

^^^^^^^

There ya go! Good stuff from the triple G. It's okay to get upset and feel sad. It's totally normal. Happy Friday:-)

Thanks, GB,

Happy Friday indeed!

Happiness is a "choice" is it not?

I can look back and see that my "down days" are less and less frequent as I detach more.
That's why I was thinking I was getting immune to some of this stuff.
NOT!

Guess I've got a ways to go yet...
Still, I'm miles ahead of where I was a few months ago, and that's another thing to be grateful for.
--------------------------------

I'm keeping that image in my head of GUBU playing in his sandbox, throwing stuff all over and making a mess,
(along with the occasional stray "kitty" using it as their personal litter box...)

I don't need to be anywhere near that disaster.


MY box is staying clean, but it takes ongoing work.

And as of this writing, my beautiful sand castle is flying the "Triple G" flag high on the tallest turret!



---GGG

DBing COACHES: How would coaching sessions appear on my credit card if I can scrape together the money?

They're joint cards and he pays all the bills.

The last think I want is GUBU thinking I'm:
a. Spending frivolously
b. DOING DBing!!!!


Thanks,


---GGG

Hi Triple G,
I'm so glad you're feeling better! All I could think while I was reading your posts was how I have felt exactly the same way for many of the same reasons. No matter what anyone may say, we have every right to feel the way you did. We have been hit hard by the person who we trusted and cared for the most, many of us knew that there was something wrong going on and had been trying long before B-day! Heck, I even got myself "fixed" just a couple years before my W wouldn't even need to worry about getting preg. (she's 47, not much longer before that worry goes away) because she said that she would "feel better" if I did. I figured why not? I mean my w doesn't want any more kids and I'm going to spend the rest of my life with her, right?

Sometimes it's so hard to just not think that they are doing things just to pi$$ us off. That to not understand that what they just said or did would be mucho hurtful to us they would have to have less than 1/2 a brain, right? Well, they may or may not know that they are hurting us. I think sometimes they do but they just have made us into such monsters in their heads that they just don't care. Mostly I think they are so very deep into themselves that they really don't know that they just kicked us in a very tender place.

I think one of the reasons I was so worried about you maybe changing the way you deal with GUBU a few days ago was because I was worried that if you did try and it failed you might get really angry because, like it or not (and we ALL do it from time to time) it set you up to "expect" a certain outcome because you did it. I'm still struggling with not having ANY expectations, even just as simple as my W doing what is best for her kids, of my W any longer.

Glad to hear that things are going better today. Hang in there GGG. If I was close enough, I'd come out and give you a hand with the animals!