Starsky, thanks for the insight in transparency. Well, she hasn't changed cell # or email. She lets me see her login for her phone, where as before I noticed her hiding it from me. But since exposing to her about the phone records I am sure she doesn't use her phone to contact Om. W does tell me her plans for the days now more in detail. I try not to ask too much because I dont want to smother her in anyway. I feel she needs to find her Own way back to be now if that's what she wants. I can feel that she is trying, but I know we have a long way to go. Marriage counselor will be our next biggest step.
I would strongly encourage you to find one that specializes in dealing with infidelity issues. They can be an enormous help to you, and better help you understand some of the basic concepts like no-contact, transparency, etc. Even WITH these, the recidivism rate for infidelity in marriage is pretty high (33-50% maybe?); without them it's well north of 90%.
Some of the things you need to ask for at this time WILL seem counter-intuitive, and won't come naturally to you if you are naturally a "pleaser/Mr. Nice Guy" type like I am. But you also get to start meeting your wife's emotional needs again and doing some of the things you probably WANTED to do before, but DB said they were considered "pursuing." Piecing can be extremely challenging -- much much harder than affair-busting and general DBing -- but it's also extremely rewarding when you build a brand-new, stronger-than-ever marriage together.
