Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers MY TRAGIC WAW STORY PART III

Well to be honest, I think her getting used to it is all a front really. She said she is jealous of her. I also let WAW know that things haven't really progressed with the new girl, no kissing, no sex, etc. That we are going super slow. She also did slip and call her a "bitch" at one point so I don't thinks she is fine with it but then again who knows, I don't know anything anymore.

Sorry for all the consecutive posts on the last page...I just wanted you guys to read her words verbatim from her e-mails so I posted most of it on the previous page so you guys don't think I'm a complete idiot for falling for this R talk. You can see her words and she was VERY convincing.

Dont beat yourself up man. I think any LBS would have fallen for those words.

My gut tells me she is not really stable right now. Almost bipolar-like. That's why I think she will continue to flip-flop.

Does she have a history of mental illness? Does her family have any history of mental illness/substance abuse?

No not really Thorton...she just has zero self-esteem...she hates herself really. This is why I've always said in my posts that a lot of her issues that led to our divorce aren't problems exclusive to our marriage. It's like she is torturing herself wanting to come back, but because she flip-flops she doesn't want to hurt me and be with me unless she knows she is 100% sure. I assume you read all of her e-mails to me on the previous page when you refer to "her words" in your post? Definitely, I fell for every word and to be honest, I believe she was telling the truth...at the moment however. That's what I think the problem is...she questions herself constantly.

I just don't know what to do, I still believe, as I always have, in my heart that she totally doesn't want to be divorced...you guys have seen me allude to this before in my posts. This is why. Something is wrong with her...this is above and beyond a marriage that ended solely because of marriage-exclusive issues. She knows things would be different and she knows our problems were fixable. It's just crazy to me how she goes from totally being open to R, even going so far as to AGREE with me to call of the divorce...to being messed up the next day. I guess that's the very reason why she won't allow herself to come back...because she knows it will hurt me to see her like this...happy one day, miserable the next, with no real occurrence/trigger for the misery part...she would wake up that way many times in fact.

The way I take all this is this way, if I was to be bad and "mind read"...she wants to R in her heart...she doesn't feel like she's mentally capable of being a good wife right now...she is fairly certain she does want to come back and be with me when she's healthy again. She doesn't want me to wait though.

I feel like I am dealing with somewhat of the real her though...even now she's not as chillingly cold and distant as she was two months ago. She's like "my wife" again...but sadly still confused. So in that respect and insofar as our failed marriage goes...I thinks she is at peace with me now...not mad at me anymore, I am no longer the man, the annoyance she must avoid at all costs like she was. I think what we are dealing with now are her mental issues alone. My faults and her faults in the marriage didn't even really come up during the two nights. We talked more about her well-being, why she tried to hurt herself, etc.
Something is different.

In any event, I have no idea what to do now so I've decided I am diving back into where I was two months ago and going dark/NC again. If I ever see her again before she leaves for FL (IF she even goes through with it, it's still almost two months away)it will be the way it was back in May/June...she will have to contact me...I will not contact her under any circumstances at this point...I don't care how much the NC ticked her off last time. She made every single contact with me last time, she's going to have to do it again now...or not...either way the ball is in her court.

Maybe those two nights together was just some last hurrah for us, a chance for each of us to prove to each other that the passion between us was very much alive and well...just dormant because we allowed it to be. Or maybe it was a foundation for something new we might have if we ever manage to R. Only time will tell and I have lots of that again now.

It was a false start. It happens.

Well do you think I'm doing the right thing going NC Mr. Bond? Should I not do that? Should I be her "friend?" I don't know what to do.

Are you still seeing the other woman?

Yeah Mr. Bond I see her once every couple weeks now. A couple texts a day.

Then I think you need to make a decision of whom you want to pursue. It's not going to be fair to either one to be going out with both.

Yes and that's one of the things I told WAW when she was talking about R...that I will not lie to the new girl and hide that we talked and all that happened. She doesn't deserve that and I don't lie to women. She understood. It was one of the things we were planning on talking about, along with her Florida trip, on night 3 of our meetings but of course that morning she was messed up again. So we were going to address those issues and I probably would've sat down with the new girl and told her I was going to save my marriage. She knows my deal and me feelings for WAW so she would understand. It's the reason we've been treading so slow together...to make sure of everything.