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Thanks pilot, I think things have already pretty much fizzled with the original OW. She and I are a lot alike and I think he was trying to swap me for her, a new and improved and much younger version. But I sense that didn't really pan out.

But I know he is actively looking for other girls. Someone he can feel that spark with.

Here is my plan, maybe anyone who wants to chime in can give me their 2 cents?

- do not pursue (no texting, calling first, only respond, take your time)
- do not be rude but do not be overly friendly, end conversations first
- when in contact, seem like a buddy but not overly enthusiastic (light and friendly to keep communication open)
- GAL like mad
- when possible through social media or mutual friends make it seem like I am doing fantastic, without being too obvious and over the top

Why?
- no pursuing because I need to put distance between us so that he can come toward me
- be friendly so that he doesn't feel I am angry and sad, then he won't be afraid to keep in contact if he wants to
- GAL is good for me and also good for seeming confident, busy and independent
- seeming happy and independent is good for making him curious about me, it worked in the past

He says he is 100% done but I do sense confusion and a lot of sadness under that. He craves that exciting in love feeling that just is hard to get from someone you have been with for several years. I don't know if it is possible to get that back between us. He definitely thinks it is impossible.

Any thoughts on my plan in light of his note?

Thanks in advance! Hugs, LisaB

Just keep doing what you have to do. His assertion that he's done is likely a response to the pressure of the letter. Stick to what you'd decided to do. Remember: believe none of what the day and half of what they do.

Stay strong!

Oh, Lisa. That letter would have been so hard to read. I feel for you. I suspect I'd have received a similar reply from my H (maybe I still will).

I don't think you should respond. Just get out there and GAL. Do what makes you feel happy and confident. You need to do that for YOU. Don't get stuck thinking you were a boring wife. Make yourself feel exciting. You have always come across as upbeat and cheerful in your posts so I am sure you will nail it. And maybe you will convince your H in the process that he wasn't seeing things clearly...

Thanks ganb8te and Joe1981!

I feel rather rejected and hopeless today. But on the other hand after all of this drama I feel slightly more "normal". I am getting a little bit of appetite back, I actually ate 2 meals yesterday! So that must mean I am getting over it a little bit. For the past month I have been eating about 2-3 meals per week and felt nauseated all the time. I kind of got used to that. Saved money on food!

As much as I have lost hope, I think back to a week ago. Maybe we were not going to reunite, but things we definitely on the positive side. He was contacting me almost daily, curious about me and being friendly. So maybe we can get back there if I repeat the DB things I did last time.

He has also admitted sadness and confusion several times. Confusion about what - I do not know but I will grab on to that as possible uncertainty about whether he might want to be with me. Uncertainty is better than nothing, right?

Now what remains is being strong. Not contacting him. Not spying. Hardest things in the world.

Have a great day! Hugs, LisaB

Hang in there. Go have fun or work out or something.

How'd today go? I finally got it right on the gift front. I even think she's excited to brag tomorrow.

Did you do anything fun for you today?

Hang in there.

Hi Joe1981! Congrats on the gift! You did it! Keep up the good work.

Not much happening here on the R front. Haven't heard a peep from him.

Just thinking. What do I want? Can I get what I want? Is there any hope? Am I in denial? Should I listen to him when he says it is over over over... he doesn't love me like that, is done with the M. Or is it possible to change that around?

We broke up once before when we first started dating. A completely different situation from now but when we split he said the same exact thing. I don't feel in love, I don't feel a spark, there is no future together. Was cold and didn't want to talk or work on things.
But I persisted (the break up was my fault, I was treating him badly) and we started casually seeing each other again, dating if you will. After a month or two suddenly his behavior changed. We were a serious couple, he treated me like a princess and he appeared to be back in love 100%. Asked me to move in with him and was very serious about me.

I never knew exactly what happened. I thought that he had just put up this icy front to keep from having feelings and then the ice melted. But yesterday I recalled that around the same time maybe my attitude had changed. I started seeing that we were truly casual and was looking around at potential other guys. I went on a weekend vacation without him. That sort of thing. I don't think I said anything to him but maybe he noticed that slight pulling away.

Doesn't matter now probably but was just thinking about it. He did turn around once from adamantly saying he was not into me. Could it happen again now? No idea.

No matter what there is no reason to contact him nor to not get on with my own life. I am busy GALing and staying NC. Even met a cute guy last night but turns out he was in a relationship already. Oh well.

Hope everyone is having a good one!
Hugs, LisaB

Lisa, it sounds as if NC will be your friend. If he has had the sudden change of heart towards you in the past, it can happen again. He might just need some time to process and realize what he is missing, as he did last time. '

Keep your chin up!

Lisa! We have similar situations! Wow. We should talk. I think your attitude is really positive and you're digging through some poignant stuff. I'm impressed and inspired by your strength, even in moments of perceived weakness.

My h is also "done". It's my fault for sure, I know my role in the sitch. Now I'm trying to GAL like crazy and detach, which is a struggle. Do you struggle with that too?

My h has said he's "confused" as well, which I'm choosing to see as a positive. (Denial?) he's moving out on Saturday and I'm terrified even though the physical space will allow me to really get some serious work done inside myself.

I'm struggling with how to fill his talk through his LLs once he's out into his own place. They are physical touch and words of affirmation. Is it ok to touch the man who is slowly breaking my heart? How do I affirm him without looking painfully obvious? "I can see you're really living alone quite nicely, let me affirm that."

I guess it's pretty obvious why I'm here... Even faced with a grave situation like this one I can't seem to figure out how to show him love the way he wants it. Is it the same for you?

Hi lisa, not much to add, my H has said he's done, to let him go, and he's now actively involved with ow, but you know what, I'm still standing, I own my part in the breakdown of our m. I think you're doing an amazing job, and we will all get through this.
hugs 😉