Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Where next Mr Crazy Person

Thanks for the laughs! You're amazing in maintaining your wonderful, dry sense of humor throughout the Twlight Zone. What would we do without humor here in the MLC forum?!

OMG I think your's and mine are brothers from another mother. And mine is an engineer and stubborn to boot! But I don't think flowers will grow where my XH lay. His grave will be where flowers go to die.

WH

I would get a legal restraining order forbidding him to contact you directly or to call or to be in your presence. Really. If it costs too much to have him contact your attorney, you could also put in there that he cannot contact your attorney except for bona fide legal matters.

Yes, I understand it would only be effective in one country, but it might shock him out of this rotten behavior.

Btw, he's WAAAYYYY past MLC. This is mental illness or substance abuse at this point.

Bea, I choked on my lunch when i read your words.... my XH has said EXACTLY the same things.

He can't understand why our (teenage) kids want nothing to do with him, and keeps asking them:

'What have I done WRONG?'

(They are dumbstruck in response.)

He screams that I have poisoned them against him. He rails at me that I am 'appalling', and asks me how I sleep at night.

He is deeply convinced that he is the victim and that we are all 'the problem'.

It's really unbelievable stuff; Idk how we got through it all with our sanity in tact, but we did.

Bea,

I'm just catching up with you here. Oh my, your xh has taken leave of his senses, perhaps permanently. LOL. It's time to put an end to his communications. Do whatever you have to legally and otherwise to make certain that he can't harass you any longer. There has to be something that a lawyer can file to stop this.

I agree with you, he won't stop until he is 6 feet under. Maybe having him committed would be an option. HA! And I have to ask. Who would marry a man like this? She must be desperate or not have a clue. Maybe he has two (or three or more) personalities?

Be careful, Bea. If I remember correctly he knows where you live and in the state that he's in you don't know what he's capable of.

NLT - One of the reasons he is doing this is that I have stopped all communication. But I stopped all communication because he doesn't seem to be able to stop being abusive!

The woman he is marrying isn't the one he left me for (she is long gone) reports range from boring, unattractive, and deeply dull, to my middles son's who dislikes her , and he is someone who gets along with most people. And my xh can be a charmer. Sociopaths often can, when they want to be.

I live around 300 miles from where he lives, and in a small community. I think it is very unlikely that he would ever show up on my doorstep. That isn't his style. Also I have people to stay periodically, and he couldn't be sure of catching me on my own unless he knew my movements.

He doesn't recognise his own anger, or guess the source of his unhappiness. It is all directed at me. And the children periodically, although more and more he tries to get along with them. But after this period of time they have their own lives, and there isn't an xh shaped hole in it.

I still miss who he was, of course I do, but he simply isn't there any more. And sometimes that makes me sad. But curiously this really awful behaviour makes me realise just how impossible he has become

Update on legal challenge. My lawyer has reviewed the latest legal challenge, and says my xh does not have a case, and is writing to his lawyer to explain why. So I said can we draft something and get him to sign it to just end this (I have been divorced well over 3 years now, and it is more than eight since he left me). Then he stops and says - Mrs (MLCspouse) you will never find a way to stop this man going after you. We will seriously have to consider harassment proceedings and get a Court order to try and stop him if he persists, as I think he will. He is obsessed with you.

So more money to spend on stopping this fatuous and destructive pursuit. It sets me back, dealing with stuff. The latest round has dragged on for 10 months, with enough threat and menace to make it hard to just blow it off, not to mention the never ending cost. WIll he run out of money first? I can only hope so.

Maybe his new marriage will stop it for a while. We can only hope so. I still find it hard to believe at times that this was the loving man I built a life with.

He gets angrier and angrier. I am glad I live a long way from him.

Bea,
I am very sorry. Your lawyer has expressed the same thoughts that many of us have here about your xh. I do not think the marriage will cease his constant interference in your life. Getting married is his way of trying to seek attention from you and your sons and it's not going to work.

Your lack of communication is fueling his anger, hence the crazy making behavior. However, I do understand your desire not to communicate w/him and quite honestly, I don't think a court order will stop him either.

I'm glad you live a long way from him or he would be in your face quite often. I do hope that you find some peace and quiet in the days/months ahead.

Job, thank you - I never doubted what people here were saying and thought it would be validating that my very sober and tough minded lawyer also thought the same thing, without my even mentioning MLC!!

I do think I got one of the crazier ones, sadly, but they are all pretty nuts. I always knew that if he did too much destruction in the early stages he would go wholly out of control. Not sure we can influence this at all however.

When we do communicate he is abusive, even if he starts out 'nice'. Dialogue is simply not possible. The kids have had the same frustrating experience. Last summer he went all out to charm my youngest son and his fiancee, but he can't just establish a relationship and build it, like a normal person. The manipulation kicks in. Then he gets angry because people resist the manipulation and control There is always an agenda for control. He needs professional help, imho, no doubt about it.

Or put another way, he is obsessed with controlling you and everything around him.

Sorry you're going through this, B. And your family. Heck, and him too

But your lawyer has a good view of what's going on, and has experience with this sort of thing. It's nice he validated your thoughts. At least you can feel like you have done what you could.

You will need that restraining order at some point. You won't get H's acceptance of any court order etc. You'll have to do it without his compliance. The lawyer should have a way to make that happen, even if you may have to enforce it at some point. The thing is, if you don't do that, you'll have fewer options for keeping him at bay. At least from what I can see, for what that's worth.

Green men on bicycles run the internet? I thought it was dogs playing poker, but shows what I know

AJ