Mr, Not gambling at all. Reading for the first time in years. Spending more time with kids doing just simple stuff. Trying to get more sleep per night. Losing weight .
Marriage has been cold for last few years. W has been the cold one with sex and just being intimate. She did not feel close to me. We both agreed after reading 5LL that neither of us were good at filling each other's tanks. I think we were both selfish and started living separate lives under one roof about a decade ago. W has a huge problem that I have Parkingsons and has been mad at God for allowing it ( her words). I was diag 8 years ago and we decided to go on a big trip in an R V for five weeks cross country. It was a great time for the four of us. Since then we have traveled as a family every year for a week to ten days and had a good to so so time.. Mainly her having bad time.been going to C since March and last week W told C that she has NO interest in doing a trip this year with family. She is DONE with that stuff"..
She said she did not feel like she loved me. W also said I controlled the marriage and we did what I wanted. She feels second to my business. I paid bills and she felt sometimes like I treated her like a child. She admits to abandonment issues as her family moved away from her when she was 19. She used to bring this up, and the friends that left her over the years. She felt sex was not as good as it should be.
On me controlling the marriage I would say yes.. My background is I am a business owner, managed business for others with up to 80 employees. Driver personality that tries to get things done and fix what is broken.. I have come to terms that I cannot fix her.. Only me. I did not think I treated her as a third child though.. Not consciously but I respect her view. Family did abandon her yes. As for sex life, she would never talk to me about what she wanted till we read 5LL .. We then started communicating about each others desires and needs.. Just late in our M.
I have been reading other threads and allot of people are recommending to husbands to sleep in the master bed. Some said go in prior to W and go to sleep, if she complains, roll over and go to sleep. Others say tell her she is the one walking away so she can sleep in other room? Is the stance to take. I went to other room to give her space... Now I am confused??
Okay and so what EXACT things are you doing to address those issues? For example, if you were controlling in the relationship, how have you been trying to change your behavior to talk to her in a non-controlling way?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
After reading 5LL I I tried to do things to fill her tank. What I really did not know was her thinking I was controlling till just a few weeks ago, so I asked her what she wanted me to do . From financially, to house improvements, to our sex life. ... I started asking her for more input and tried to share the decision making more.
Still trying to get an answer regarding the bedroom. Do I move back in and tell her to go to other room if she does not like it? Or do I just keep going to other bedroom each night and give her the space she needs
