Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis 34: Holding my ground ... continued

Heather... are you asking me to walk away from my life's effort? financially?

There is no "maybe"... I have a written agreement that needs tweaking.

This is what you seem to be asking me to do... when I say I CANNOT..its because I am protecting that little girl & her piggy bank too. I cannot seem to explain it any other way than what I have. I know the BEST way to get my name on this business. I have had legal advice.

I do not need to rush out to GET a lawyer at this point... he has already written a deal with me through the mediator. The next step is to re-write (to include new $$ amounts that are affected by his RE deal)... until we KNOW what these amounts are...there is nothing that can be done. WHEN, I know the amounts I will fill in the blanks and take it to my lawyer to sign.

Due to complications, that I cannot post about (but if someone wants to call me), the business deal will first be written up as a personal deal. Then, within a year I can get it written as a corporate deal..... UNTIL THEN, I am f'd!! Lawyer or no lawyer... This is my position!

SHE IS DOING WHAT SHE NEEDS TO DO, to get on with her life.

Wait!!! you didn't explain where I took the bite?

She pointed it out and you still don't see it?

Hi Sandi... Im not sure. Let me try:

HE said that MY life is easier (comparison).... by saying that, this is button pushing? because this is where it turns into "poor HIM" type comments that lead into me feeling bad/sorry and then it turns into R talk? A circular R talk, that we have had a million times. ...???

If so, then I need to be more careful when he does this... am i right?

Based on yesterday, I didn't get into it too bad... I just mentioned that it was his choice and how I was willing a month ago to make things different. The convo was short & due to time, was rushed.

I don't understand how he can say he doesn't recall my offer...(during a R talk over a month ago, I was pretty clear about getting back together and how we may not have it all together, but together we have it all, and he said he would think about it) GRRR

Magic,

I don't know your financial situation and I am, for sure, no one in a position to judge...What I DO KNOW, however, is the empty pit of emotional neediness and the strong desire/NEED to have a man to fill it up.

You may have some truly good reasons for remaining in this business on a daily basis.

It's just hard for me to imagine that there is no compromise...not a SINGLE thing you could be doing to empower yourself in this situation...aside from detaching and continuing to work with him daily.

It sounds like you have some valuable sales skills. And, it sounds like your goal, at this time, is to somehow "get" EXBF to put you on the business as a partner. I'm sorry, but it sounds lame. It sounds like you choosing to remain in the step below position instead of putting yourself on the pedestal where he is sitting.

He dangles his "possibility" of some distant equal business partnership and re-committed relationship in front of you like a carrot. It's always just outta reach.

This keeps you vulnerable and weak. He is empowered by teasing you...like he did when he suggested YOU were the one who has it EASY. It's all very cat and mouse.

I can only speak for myself...I'm not willing to help you analyze ever single conversation you have with him for the next year. In the hopes that MAYBE--JUST MAYBE!--HE WILL SEE THE LIGHT AND YOU WILL BE ABLE TO LET HIM GO.

In my eyes, he is a line of cocaine. You can either choose to snort the line or step away completely. Half measures avail you NOTHING.

"I don't understand how he can say he doesn't recall my offer...(during a R talk over a month ago, I was pretty clear about getting back together and how we may not have it all together, but together we have it all, and he said he would think about it) GRRR"



Because as soon as you mention "getting back together" (GBT) HE STOPS LISTENING!!!!!!

when he said "he would think about it" that was him saying "please please please STFU and change the subject"

He has no interest in GBT, so anything you say associated with GBT is ignored, its like fingernails on the chalkboard of his mind, he's running for the hills, he's wishing he were somewhere else, in his mind he's wondering why you havent gotten it yet.

It was button pushing in the sense you JUMPED on the chance to tell him ONCE AGAIN how you offered......yada, yada. YOU have had the R talk a million times. And yes, each time you "remind" him that he rejected your offer....it is a R talk. Are you telling me you aren't sharp enough to know that???



No, it wasn't as long but only b/c there wasn't enough time, or you would have gone through the entire thing again. But whether it's two minutes of "mentioning" it or two hours....a R talk is a R talk. You have to stop it. Repeating this same mistake over and over is insane! Why do you feel such a strong need to REMIND him? It will not change his mind, plus you devalue yourself. For a woman who goes around claiming how she values herself, you sure give the message to him that you aren't worth much.



Seriously? You don't get it? How can you be a successful salesperson and not know when you are getting a snow job?!?

ok... so did a lot of physical work with him today, preparing our vehicles & my old house (property) for the bank appraiser visit.

While taking a break from the rain we discussed how he may need to take his salary from the company (retro) & that I should too. Because he will need cash flow to help with his RE purchase. I asked him how his new RE deal affects our personal deal. He didn't seem to think it would change it at all & was looking forward to finalizing it and putting it behind us. He figured we would finalize our deal soon, because he wants to take some of his share of the money to help finance his RE deal. I reminded him that I preferred to finalize our deal before we w/d any funds. This may not happen MY way as his deal closes in 10 days. Too much to do..

During this time, we also went back to our shop and sat in the office momentarily. Again, he got nostalgic .. telling me how great it will be, decorating, time off, etc. I cut him short and said I will believe it when I see it.... and ended the convo as to not indulge in fantasy talk or have desires for R talk.

Mm I think you need to see this simpler:

That is not a light at the end of the tunnel is a god damn train.

Get on the front foot. He's wanting his money, but saying no mm you can't have yours yet! Sink the bloody boat, and let him live the wet life on the decks of the titanic. Stop heistating.

Actually here's a mixed quote from two of my mates

The first is tips up out and walk on with dignity,

Second is let him see your ass walking away from his chit fast!

Ggrass... He is saying that we can BOTH take our wages, if wanted. He has never said I can't take mine. >>> not sure why you would say that.

From BD, he has always insisted that I take my retro salaries first, before he would take a cent. I never did, as it was suggested by a lawyer to leave it in there as basic proof that I am more than just an employee, I am at least an investor.

Even if we both take our retro salary from 2010... We still have 2011, 2012, 2013.... so, my position doesn't really change.

At any given time, I have the opportunity to wipe out our account... I have signing authority.

PS.... I like your friends comments....too cute

It has been talked about before , him stalling. The deal and leaving $ in can be worked around. He made r ending decisions but still sounds like he's getting cake.
Why does he need mm around as more if he has everything he wants?
Bear in mind he can get sex where ever.

If I were you (and I'm not) I would take % you need to have independence $ wise and emotionally a % would allow owner Investor status. It i suspect will help you become less stuck. Let him wallow in his decisions, you keep trying to save every thing. You can put dates in agreements of when things happen in the future, thus invalidating your argument of non separations of business deals.