Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis #33: HOLDING my ground... my self value

My fear:

1) I go, he may feel that I am convenient & available to him. A companion on his terms.

2) If I don't go, he may feel that he has tried to be friendly & give up and not pursue me again.

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Yes, I realize those statements are fear based on his responses. I am scared. I know I have no control over him. I need to decide based on what I can handle (at this point its easier to go, because I won't be rejecting him). I know that I need to figure out how to deal with my fear... not what he thinks.

I don't want to do what is "easier" .... just to appease him.

I think his offer to me going is about being casual & nice. No commitments.

I don't want to hurt his feelings of niceness, but casual isn't good enough for me.

One response to saying no to him may be: "I don't think its a good idea right now. besides, what do you think your family would think? ... or, "I thought you said you weren't ready" ???

^^^^ that statement is in reference to the comment he made to me 3/4 weeks ago when in discussion of casual dating and he was concerned about other people thinking we were back together and about public affection. <<< he was not ready.

Thanks for your opinion Gabby. Yes, I have GREAT fears... I need to do what is right for ME... not sure what that is, because I am still focused on his response. I fear either yes or no.

You are right.... I cannot accept that he doesn't want a real rel'p. WTF does he WANT?

The responses... are created from me & agreed a good idea from my friend who is a life coach. What response do you feel is better?

Yes, he invites me to a family party... Yes, I CAN & have said I can go & make it about seeing his family. I would have a good time.... but, does this send the right message about Me? (that I am giving up & dropping the rope?)

Please recall that I am working really hard on letting go... dropping the rope. What does a person who is letting go, do?