I guess it's the initial attraction thing I don't trust in myself...which maybe means allowing friendships to blossom before dating. And, of course having a full psychological work up done.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
What I am not getting across is that as people get more healed they will be attracted to healthier partners which is why dating during recovery is not such a bright idea, and of course it is what we want to do most. Saves having to do work on ourselves.
Which is why, dear reader, the MLCer is never alone is they can help it.
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
No we're not doomed at all. To be honest the ex boyfriend literally was someone I probably never would've really noticed or been attracted to by just passing by or even as an acquaintance.
But after getting to know him, I really enjoyed his company and we loved talking together.
Its just the more solidified and comfortable he became, the more of the "warts" came out, and they're some pretty stinky warts! I realized that living with those warts would just be me compromising myself just for the times he would act like the other beautiful person I've come to know. Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde! I just can't do it.
You know, Im an adult child of an alcoholic. It was clear boyfriend is a functional alcoholic a few months ago, which I did speak to him about. The mood swings are part of it.
Yet there was something so familiar about him... and the mood swings and the highs and lows I would feel with him. It was like being with my mom again, but I had forgotten how intense it could be when Mom was drinking. WOW. And there I was again, trying to deal with the alcoholism.
I tell ya, eve though I've had to end this relationship, the learning lessons I've had through it all are just amazing! Quite frankly Im grateful for it because Im really learning so much about myself.... like Im finally able to unravel my own mind for once!
thank you for sharing Kim. Just last night having a convo with a friend about how now when we date there are things we may not compromise on the way we did when we were younger. I think we are getting wiser!
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Im curious as if anyone has experienced anything similar to me.
As I make it a point to heal myself in every way possible, I find the most amazing information and realizations come to me.
Synchronicity, things coming together out of no where, things I needed to hear but didn't realize, it just comes to me in huge chunks.
Im then able to stand back and objectively see how and why everything has happened in my life and how it continues to unfold.
I know I never would've pushed myself this far if it wasn't for the horrible abandonment I felt when XH left.
Im still striving towards forgiveness towards him. Such a long process. I think I still need to work on forgiving myself for being angry with him. Which is so silly.
But when I realize that XH never knew how to be honest with me in the first place, it's a little easier to feel more forgiveness.
For me, instead of trying to suppress my anger I have come to terms with it - It is OK to be angry, necessary even, but a healthy person just doesn't stay there. I don't mean they feel they shouldn't, they just do not want to.
I think you are getting there. My xh has also married OW2. And honestly? A little sadness at what might have been but mostly it is good luck to them - and without bitterness. Two damaged people trying to make a life. They might work things out, and actually I hope so. However I do not want to hang out with them as my xh has suggested!! These people are not for real
Really bea? He's on round #2 with another woman???? Lord, these MLCer's just keep rolling don't they?
They suggested you hang out with them? Wow! I just find that so inappropriate.
I was watching Iynala Fix my life yesterday. There was a couple that had lived for 20 years with alot of lies and deception. The husband finally came out and said that he never wanted to marry her in the first place, but he did out of wanting to feel normal.
I remember my X telling me through bomb drop that he only married me because he thought it was the right thing to do at the time, but had we chose to wait another year, we wouldn't have gotten married at all.
When the husband was telling his wife this, I felt for her so much because she had been through what I had! Severe rejection, and a man that was still there, but not there, giving her mixed signals for many years! But he at least gave her THE TRUTH. The husband was requesting his wife's friendship after 20 years of infidelity, lies, and deception.
It goes without saying.... SHE WAS PISSED and didn't want his friendship. That helped me out too because XH wanted friendship with me and I think he still does.I find that the tables have turned. He's extra chatty and nice to me, while Im keeping communication down to one or two words and my distance.
I really look back and feel that had XH been able to be honest with me about his true feelings all along, that this whole ordeal wouldn't have been so traumatic for me. My XH just did his best to keep it short, simple, without any true communication of what really is going on, and move on with the expectations we were all happy for the ride and we will sweep it all under the rug like we do everything else that's too intense for him emotionally.
Well ask his daughter just how well that works!
Iynala, says that when a woman is rejected by a man in such a fashion is cuts deep, down to the heart and the soul. It was so nice to be validated by that, because that's how I felt, and I guess I still do!
When a man does that, and they fully know what they've done to you, why do they still try and be friends? Is it out of guilt? Is it some sort of self satisfying action to make them feel that even though the hurt you in the most powerful way, that if they try and be your friend, it makes up for all the hurt they've done?
