But again, me and him were one person in his mind and what he felt about himself, he felt about me. It is awful to feel this bad about yourself.
I've felt the same about my wife. The two really do become as one. Our spouse in crisis HAS TO jettison us in order to be able to take their journey on their own, and discover their individual selves... and find that personal fulfillment they are searching for in life. It really isn't about us or any of our faults or failures, and never was. ESPECIALLY in all of these long term marriages, where we learned how to work through our issues a long time ago.
Our job is to find our own personal fulfillment, and purpose in life.
Last edited by ForeverYoung; 07/17/1401:46 PM.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Now, the question is: Where did the glitch come from and why are they stuck on tilt? lol I worked hard on myself to come out of it with my sanity.. I am thankful that I was able to do so in lesser time then XH who is still trying to figure it out..
Boy I feel alot better talking about this! Everyone of us have been through the exact same thing!
Yes My Ex thinks Im the responsible one for his rocky relationship with D14. He felt it was all my fault that they were uncomfortable with him in the first place after this. Yes, I brainwashed them! And I know his wife is sitting there just agreeing with him on all of this, and possibly the one that put these ideas in his head in the first place!I mean XH wasn't the type of person to think up such insane lies about people when he was "sane". In fact he used to be quite perceptive of people, he just never cared to talk about it.
I noticed as MLC was gaining strength he became so negative about EVERYONE! He never had anything nice to say, there was always some sort of criticism!
Im having a hard time lately with all of this. I live in a very small town. And as I get to know new people at work, I find out that they're all related to OW and OW's EXH that tried to kill my XH in the first place. And come to find out, no one is a fan of OW and many people don't like her. Yet people don't have anything bad to say about the OW's EXH.
Apparently he was a hard working man that was completely devoted to Ow for over 26 years. There's nothing he wouldn't do for this woman... and apparently this woman was a happy woman at one time. As I put the pieces together, I think OW started to have MLC, because as memory calls, she was acting alot like XH.... way before XH started acting like OW!! Honestly, I feel for OW's ExH. I don't agree with what he did... but to be honest I see where and why he lost control. It doesn't make it ok. And He is serving his time and he's permanently disabled from his choices.
You guys It's like I just can't ever get away from this! It's like a bad dream Im still running from but can't ever escape. The most horrible nightmare I ever had that I can't forget.
Will this wound every heal? Or will the scabs always be poked only to bleed out from time to time for many years to come?
Sometimes I really think that moving away and starting over is the best thing but only for ME. Yet my girls are so happy here in this town, and are doing so well, I don't want to cause any more ripple for them than they've had to deal with as it is.
Im just so tired of having to be so damn courageous and brave all the time I guess.
I moved 45 mins away from the town I lived in with my ex, and I do revel in the assurance that I'll never run into him and his new wife accidentally in the grocery store.
But since you're doing the right thing by your kids - how about just indulging in a little fantasy, and start planning where you WILL move in 5 years after the kids are grown?
Have you asked them? I thought my D11 would be dead against a move...not so much. She seems anxious to shake off the bad feelings too. It really surprised me.
I'm not saying that leaving town is always the best answer...but, with MLC...there's just so much negativity and bad stuff to get past. Seems like it could be easier without constant reminders. IDK.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Yes I have talked to them about it, and they really want to stay here, though they understand the reasons I want to move. There are more than just the reasons of wanting to get away from the stigma of it all. Financially it might be a good decision if I could get into low income housing in a town 2.5 hours away. Yet at the same time I have absolutely no help for the girls if an emergency came up. It's been ExH's family that's always been there for the girls, given I only have 2 left in my family one lives 500 miles away. ExH's family and myself barely socialize since the divorce, but they do socialize with the girls via their father's house.
ExH moved 25 minutes away from town last summer which helped immensely. I finally felt divorced. However it just seems to come in odd waves, that I run into OW's family.
