Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Blindsided and lost

MLP, I went back and read your thread. Yes, there are some similarities. Looking like a happy family, the kids not knowing. And truth is, for me, if I didn't know he was having an affair and wanted to leave, I'd be pretty happy with our life. The main thing missing is little acts of physical affection (hugs, pats, goodbye kisses), that and not saying "I love you", which we used to do a lot. We still talk about things that are not the relationship - work, news, kids, sports. We still do a lot of family things together. We still sleep in the same bed. The whole thing is just weird.

We have a family vacation planned for next week, a cruise to celebrate the graduation. It was his idea and he planned the whole thing. While he was seeing OW and plotting to leave. That thought process is beyond me.

I'm having a lot of trouble with GAL. It's not that I don't know what to do, I just am not making the time. Last night I had planned to go to a wine tasting but then D11 asked me to take her shopping so she could get some things for the cruise. The same reasons I wasn't paying enough attention to the M (3 kids, full-time job, house) are the same reasons I'm not GAL-ing. How do the rest of you do it?

GAL is tough when you have kids who are depending on you for things. Since your H is MLC, I dont know if asking him to cancel his plans or set his plans around him with the kids will work. My W is a WAW and when she was in the heat of her A that was all that mattered. It did not matter when I told her the kiddos needed her at home and were crying for her at night (S4 and S2 at the time). She got mad that I would dare try and interfere with her life. Now that we are S I have a stretch of time to GAL when she has the kids. I can still manage GAL at nights because I am staying at my father's for the summer and he is great with the kids at night time. You being in the same house and the primary caregiver will make it tough but you MUST GAL.

Even if you start small, GAL. It will do wonders for your mind and emotions. Slowly start increasing your GAL. Also as your H has to be more and more of the primary caregiver, he will appreciate what you do more. My W was a SAHM and it wasnt until she went and got a night job (where she started her A) and I would keep the kids from the afternoon till they went to sleep did I realize just how hard it is to keep young ones occupied and their minds stimulated.

Best of luck to you!

So..apparently I have no life. I am at home with D11 and her friend while teens are out with friends and H is at a farewell party for someone who is leaving the office. So he says. I'm feeling a little lonely. Funny, just a few months ago I would have cherished the quiet.

I know JUST the feeling!! Sorry that you're feeling lonely tonight.

I no longer take pleasure in evenings alone, really. It's too hard for me right now to watch movies or listen to music, even.

Instead I surf the web (dangerous!) or read and re-read books on MLC and Infidelity.

Guess what? It's not helping me move on! (SHOCKING! I know, right?)

May I make a reading for pleasure book recommendation? Tell The Wolves I'm Home was great. My book club just read it....Give it a try.

I should take up knitting or learn to crochet or quilt. It would give me something to do!

So H rolls in at 6:30 this morning and admits he spent the night with OW. I am devastated he was so in your face about it. I've been crying for an hour. We leave for a family cruise tomorrow. His timing really [censored].

Oh man, rppfl. A great big hug to you.

Hoping that people here have good advice for you on how to manage the next steps.

Thanks. He took D11 and her friend to breakfast and then left the house again to "run errands". I don't know how I'm going to make it through the day much less an entire week on a boat.

Ouch. That is tough. Very sorry to hear that.

I'm back from the cruise. It was good spending time with the kids. H and I spent a good amount of time together, and it was pleasant, but no real connection. No fights, no relationship discussion, just chit chat and kid stuff. I was a little sad a few times when I thought about how much fun it could have been, but it wasn't. We have a week all together at home, and I'm sure H will be catching up with OW. Hard to think about.

Yesterday I made an appointment for IC for myself. I guess it's time to figure out who I am again, I've been lost for a while. I'm not sure I'm all that interesting anymore.