Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers WAW separation begins

I am in such a bad place today. Just got a phonecall from WAW demanding we resolve everything/ cut off all ties with shared bank accounts, names on cars, our phone bill. just felt her pushing so hard to get me out of her life so she can live her "divorce". Again a veiled threat not to use her paycheck that just came in ( I have not touched any of her money since I left being a SAHD)
and I lost it a bit and said in an angry voice " don't worry I will never touch your money again!" like I need to be reminded that my lack of provision is what has killed our M in the first plce. FML. I should be doing more to find work today but I just need to GAL. I am so frustrated to....waiting for cheques to come in the mail...broke, in transition, dealing with her rejection and animosity. Going to watch worldcup today and I only go to be around other new friends I am making.
It feels so final, but I just need to marshal my strength get on the flamin horse and go forward...maybe not a gallop but a trott. frustrated today. thanks for letting me vent

rayzzz...

Need I remind you--she's just flapping her gums at you!

Remember what we say about what THEY SAY?

She may well be trying to push your buttons, get you to blow up at her, for you to be the bad guy.
Then she can say: "See what a jerk I'm leaving? "
Don't give her that satisfaction.

OK, so you responded a bit because she DID push your buttons and you weren't prepared. It happens.
But you didn't lose it and you regained your composure.

Now.
If SHE wants to change up all the financials and she has that power, there's not much you can do.
Let her do the work if that's what she wants. If you have to go along (legally) then you do.. but one thing at a time.

This urgency of doing it all "right now!" is pushing my buttons from here.

Anyhow, you certainly don't need to help her any more than absolutely necessary, nor let her bully you into anything, and you certainly don't need to do it on her timeline.

"Urgency on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."

You can agree... and slowly... get around to it.
If you have to, if you want to.

You see what I mean?

You do it when you're feeling stronger and more in control of your emotions.

Again. IGNORE HER!

It's the whole "demanding" tone she used that's a clue that she's trying to gain control or get you to lose it. What's the big rush?

The past is the past. I don't recall your financial situation, but since this happened you've been supporting yourself, right?

Then don't let her diminish you. You're stronger now.

You're in charge of your own Batmobile, and she doesn't get a key until you know she can handle that expensive piece of machinery.

(OK, I'm about out of metaphors, but still...)

Take a breath. You'll be OK.

Oh yeah. And be reaaaaaalllllyyyy nice about it.

You don't say "No".

You just validate what you can about how she's feeling, and see if she even brings it up again!

---GGG

Ray,

Your W is either Catwoman or Poison Ivy right now. Take your pick, Batman.

Wonka,

I'm going with Poison Ivy.

(I think rayzzz said Batman got it on with Catwoman. Not advisable today. Claws are definitely out.)

---GGG

Don't believe anything of what she says...ok sharpie this on my forehead in canadian enfrancais so only i can read it .WAW has terrible french =D



That was totally it. I was not prepared with a script so I was all frazzled



This also gives me peace...she can initiate it if she wants!



Man I guess I just wanted to jump when she says jump cause methinks if I listen to her immediately she will see how good I am and come racing back to me. Of course that is rubbish. gotta build a big cage around my buttons like the wire cages that house fire alarms..weeeee ooo weeee oooo (cue Minion from despicable me 2 and his fireman scene)



working on a calm strategy now so when this comes around again I can act out of strength not fear. In the end just realizing like ben2010 said 'its just bills and bank accounts and that can all get sorted later"...doesnt mean the future of my M is dead because our money is separated






Not even Robin gets to drive the batmobile! Keep coming at me with bat metaphors --I loveth them GG!




Being nice about it will be a total 180 cause I can see how tense she is when she brings this up....will a casual shrug and "No big deal, our cars are now separated" send a "as if" vibe?

GG I am writing you a uke song tonight that heralds your wisdom and db beauty!
Thanks to you to Wonka...and by the way...she is poison ivy...the only time she kisses him is to control him and be demanding!

Going to GAL my head off tonight at the stampede rodeo and as for the world cup...a shoot out in Argentina's favor? *sigh* and that is why I am a hockey fan =D

rayzzzz....aint nothing..don't mean a thing....we separated our bank accounts, she has already filed. But from day 1 I told her if she wants to divorce me she is paying for everything, including my fees...stay strong buddy!!!!

Hang in there man.

My exW bought a damn house and moved 60 miles away before she realized what she had done. She chased me relentlessly for a long time. I was already dating someone else. But my ex certainly regretted what she did, and still does.

Awwww...shucks...
(Looking down sheepishly and scuffing foot in dirt)

'T'weren't nuttin'...


----GGG

anyone else find it hard to do some of these 180s without seeing your WAW to "practice on"?....but I guess you should be an expert before you see your S right?
I am re-evaluating my "talk quietly" 180 and its hard not to revert to your old self when you spend time alone in a house...working on making sure I am like this in all my relationships. I know its working so just gotta get this to be part of the new me...and make sure I have a smile on my face when I see her. Seeing the kids tomorrow! so excited and can't believe its already been four days and its my turn.
Sometimes its no fun in the dark but obviously I need to step up my GALing. Taking the kids to a free outdoor swimming pool so that should be fun and then we'll see what else we can do.
Only contact I has with her was when i texted the word(?) "2pm" when she asked when I could pick up the kids....darkness...the shadows are my friend,...Batman

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

It's tough stuff when you're dark. Trust me, she's feeling it too. You just have to wait it out. Keep on working on yourself.