Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers WAW separation begins

Right, I guess I just have to make sure the boundary involves not hanging out with a female too much...that can be a danger zone for me and I am learning I just need me to be happy not anyone else even M right?



Yeah he's a best friend/mentor/who happens to be Family therapist. I do have another IC. I have decided that I am still pro M no matter what kind of help he is giving my WAW too. SUre he is trying to straddle the fence and means well, but my db goal is clear so i am gonna stop freaking



Thanks pilot, I just needed to hear that. I'm thinking as well, its what was said to HER and not directly to me so I wont read into it and confuse myself.

I am with my kids for the first time since separation and why am I agonizing over my WAW? Detach. So hard. It is just disheartening when I feel so much hate from her and how she kept saying she was "done".
I know I can only change myself and have no expectations but blah. My headspace [censored] right now . Everything we did tonight , making Mac & cheese dinner out of my rented out bedroom just makes me sad---sad because of doing this alone. OK that's enough.
No expectations.
Kids need a happy dad. Gonna do a movie & popcorn night and find new things to GAL with kids....make up some games to play and make some new "Daddy time" traditions. I can and must do this. Being a good happy dad is good for everyone me included and attractive to my WAW. Just do it

I am with my kids for the first time since separation and why am I agonizing over my WAW? Detach. So hard. It is just disheartening when I feel so much hate from her and how she kept saying she was "done".
I know I can only change myself and have no expectations but blah. My headspace $ucks right now . Everything we did tonight , making Mac & cheese dinner out of my rented out bedroom just makes me sad---sad because of doing this alone. OK that's enough.
No expectations.
Kids need a happy dad. Gonna do a movie & popcorn night and find new things to GAL with kids....make up some games to play and make some new "Daddy time" traditions. I can and must do this. Being a good happy dad is good for everyone me included and attractive to my WAW. Just do it

Stay strong Rayzzz...never let them see you sweat...I started a tradition with my girls and they love it...we go to chilis..sounds simple but to me and them it means the world..

That's always tough Rayzz. With repetition it will get easier.

Thanks Oad, Thornton. I like Chilis, there is only one in this canuck town and it is usually good. yeah it makes me rethink the GAL as a family event---so the kids get to e happy with dad so I will let you guys know what traditions come up.

Fantastic song. Fantastic album. I saw them when that album came out, must have been round about 1983, when they came over to the UK to promote it. Thay were outstanding: I think I even have some photos I took.

Having said that now, I can't put this into my list for two reasons.

1. I'm looking for inspirational songs. Number one on the list is I Am Woman by Helen Reddy (I just ignore the 'Wo' bit :-)
2. The wife doen't like The Violent Femmes as she reckons Gordon Gano's voice is 'too whiny'.

Actually the second is not a valid reason, but the first definately is. People will have their own upbeat songs and they can put anything at all in there.

So I should rename my list inspirational rether than upbeat.

jealous!



He definitely has a punk rawk voice


Maybe we should just have a separate list called "GAL" songs
with
1. Lust for Life- Iggy Pop
2. Life is a Highway - Tom Cochrane (ol skool Canadian singer)
3. Alive - Pearl Jam! (i know its not bout his divorced wife but it is bout surviving loss)

what! Just listened to the Helen Reddy song! How old are you 89? lol
Totally love the lyrics but she is not punk rawk AT ALL.

This is gonna help some of you and come at my expense with the IC bill: Detaching is not just about letting go, it is about surrendering.
"No, you don't need to give up at this point, perhaps its about holding on less tight, less grasping. Surrender what you can't change or control. you are walking into the depths of the big conundrum of life, the strange balance between making things happen, and letting them unfold, between drive and surrender, and growing the wisdom to know the difference as the serenity prayer suggests. In this modern western
world, we are obsessive about drive, and disdainful of surrender, yet the greatest wisdom traditions and mystical paths generally have it the other way. Much value on surrender and less on drive."
So my C really gave me some tools as I did the hand off with the kids today (first time).
She is really taking care of herself and looked just stunning in her summer shorts! After I picked my jaw off the floor I bit my tongue instead of hollering out "Woman! You truly are the fairest of all the land!" and feigned not being interested in her weekend camping trip with a bunch of "friends"..detach..let go....surrender...
I gave her a happy smile and waltzed out of there. You may applause now as my combination surrendering and DBing won me this battle.
I am also learning I need to pour this love that I have for her into other things so ...you guessed it I went to the library and took out a score of Marvel DC comicbook graphic novels..let my geek Gal love affair begin! The funny thing is she pretended to read comics with me when we were engaged and then stopped after we got married and forbid me to hang out with my nerd comic loving friends!
So I am zen-ing out and surrendering her and our marriage and actively, aggressively working on myself more. Especially this bullyish "I am getting my own way or else" that squashed my R with her at times too. Not even physically or anything but by being a pouty man child..emotionally guilting her out...silently fuming until she relents. I know the 180 is being free and fine and letting her and others have their way of course...being healthy. Surrendering again....I will get the hang of this

Great post, rayzzz.

You put it very well. "Surrendering" indeed.

So hard to do, but exactly what's needed.

--GG