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Do you have a lawyer?

Or is that what they want you to respond to?

I am in the process of obtaining one. I have a consult scheduled for July 8th and then I will make a decision. That is what they want me to respond to. His lawyer is asking that my lawyer contact him.

I'm just reaching my breaking point with it all. He does whatever he wants and I'm there to clean up the mess. I'm sick of him going through my things, stalking my cell phone, while he laughs in my face. I'm sick of doing his laundry, keeping a stocked house with all of his needs while he does whatever he wants. I just wish he would move out and fall on his face so he could see what it is that I do. I'm just sick of the disrespect when through all of this I've been nothing but kind and gracious.

I remember way to well that part of the journey..

He is trying to build a case against you for his actions and unhappiness. He needs to feel justified for his choices cause the repercussions of his choices are making him feel like garbage. He doesn' t understand why is affair is not acceptable.. it would be if you were a bad wife all along ?? He would have proof of it if he could just find one outrageous thing about you.. He is angrier and angrier because there is nothing to find.. He is still the a**hole who destroyed the family... My XH is still looking for faults in me..
After a while, I was responding with an " I just don' t care anymore " tone of voice and would reply: " Go ahead, make me pay ". or " Add it in your book, not list, BOOK of what is wrong with me, if it makes you feel better. Cause no-one else sees me this way.. only you."

Months later, he would cry to me saying he doesn' t hate me.. He didn' t wish hurt on anyone.

Sarah,

Good lord!!! Why are you doing the man's laundry???? He is a grown up and is making growing up decisions. You don't have to be rude about it-just let him start to take care of himself. This is not punishment, but rather a reality that your old M is ovah!

Your h needs to start washing his own clothes. If he speaks disrespectfully to you, you say in a polite town" we can discuss this when you calm down" or "please don't speak to me that way" and walk out. You are not his mother. And it's time he starts doing things for himself. Focus on you and your babies. Do not engage with insanity. It is a bottomless pit. He wants a different life and with that different life comes changes.


I can totally relate to many of your feelings. I worked 9 or 10 hours a day and commuted an hour each way, kept up the house ( I mean I wouldn't eat off the floor or anything :-), and if the kids got sick some nights I literally never went to bed and went right back to work next day. One year I worked for start up company and worked about 18 hours a day, 7 days a week and holidays. I would get tired and frustrated, but I thought someone had to do it. Not good thinking. Now I realize, while I have always appreciated my independence, I do not have to be Superwoman. I can't. Better yet I'm NOT Superwoman. Life is too short. So toys stay on the floor a bit longer and the dog goes a few extra day without a bath. It's all good and I'm much happier as a result of not feeling like I'm on a treadmill.

Your h is in his own world. You cannot fix him. Your babies are only this age once so enjoy them. They change so quickly. Your h is probably on a tour around the solar system for quite some time. You CAN do this.

So Sorry Sarah,
Time for you to get a lawyer of your own. Tell him and his L that you have retained one of your own and that ALL correspondence is to be sent to him/her. Not sure where you live but unless he has grounds he can't give you deadlines or even get a no-fault (love that name, like they aren't "at fault")without your consent. The next thing I would do after that is throw his smug butt out of the house and let him find his own place to live! First, you need to get him to start paying support to you and the kids.

My W did the same stuff. The smiling while telling me she filed a week after an hour long talk where she said she wasn't going to. The smug look when I told her something she didn't like and said I was lying (when I wasn't). Reminds me of teenagers who call each other names, they seem to get joy out of doing it!

Don't let him or his lawyer push you around. He is the one who is cheating. He is the one who is emotionally abusing his kids. Do these MLCers really believe that a court is going to see us as the "bad guys" like they do? My W is so worried about custody, wants us to come to an 'agreement'. I think because she knows that if push came to shove, I would easily get custody of our D14.

A quick question. Have you been served with papers that say he has filed in court? Is that what he wants an answer to? Again, different states have different processes but here in TX, you have to either be served or sign a waiver saying you have received the papers (and pick them up and sign that you got them from the lawyer). If they want anymore than proof that this is your name and you live at this address and you are aware of the filing and a copy of the filing then I wouldn't fill out ANYTHING without a lawyer looking it over! Most will give you a free consultation first before asking for money. Make sure you feel comfortable with who you pick. I ended up picking the first one I saw but he was very good and I liked his attitude and family first philosophy. He also gave me a set fee instead of hourly and that will save me money if my W tries to push things out.

Again, I know how you feel about how they seem to think that the tearing apart of the family is such a fun thing or a joke. Try and let that go. He is seriously damaged right now. Like you I left my W alone, let her do whatever she wanted anytime she wanted. I didn't ask questions and actually helped by taking care of everything while she went away on trips with her daddy and for work. She wanted space, she got it. It wasn't enough. The reason is because that was NEVER the problem. It's not you or the house or the kids or the job or even the OW, it's inside of them. They can run all they want but what is eating at their soul is going to follow wherever they run to. But for now he just wants to run!

I know D isn't what you want, I didn't (and still don't) but it's out of your or my control now and you MUST protect yourself and your kids! I will tell you this. When she first filed before moving out, my W was in a big hurry to get it over with. Now, she hasn't done a thing to get it moving in weeks. That will probably change soon once she gets moved in but it's funny how that was so important then but now doesn't seem so.

I would not tell his lawyer anything, and stop talking to your husband or do anything for him.

Start treating him the way you will treat him after you are divorced, cause that is what he wants right now.

Yes you need to get a lawyer, you cant ignore that.

This is going to be painful, I am sorry, but it is the road that he has chosen.

Exquisitetobe I got the crying and stories of how he loved me and would always take care of me since I'm the mother of his children in the beginning of all this. Now I feel like he's getting smugger and smugger and just more sarcastic and condescending. I guess that's him traveling deeper into the tunnel. I like your comment about the Book, because that's definitely what his list about me is turning into. And it's so hard for me not to digest and think about the things they accuse you of. You try to make sense of it all and since you can't you start to think well maybe it is because of me that they're acting this way. Maybe I did do this to him. Maybe I really was a bad wife.

DONT think that for one second.

YOU are not the cause of his MLC.

NOPE - NO WAY - sorry it is all on him

Georgiabelle, when I tell you he went from the care of his mother to my care that's exactly how it went. He does not know how to do a single thing for himself. He has never gone grocery shopping, maybe dropped off dry cleaning 3 times in his life, never took the kids to the dr., never took care of anythign on his own. Up until now I've been doing his laundry because I do everyone's laundry so I didn't want to be petty or nasty and pick his things out when throwing in a load. I think it's time to start doing that. I have to stop being so nice and start being firm. Start setting up boundaries. The funny part is if you met me generally I am definitely no pushover. I am assertive and a take charge type of person. I just have felt bad for him the past 2 months. He has done such a 180 and I see that he's crumbling. So my nurturing instincts go full blown. I have to stop doing that. I have to stop being a doormat.