Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy She says she's conflicted (part 2)

So my WAW is getting Paranoid.

Certain comments at work from women and an advance by a male colleague.

She is now all wrapped around the fact that people are suspicious of her affair.

SHE WEARS OUR WEDDING RING as a way to show she's with me...she also lies to OM about this...

She expects pity from me...

LET IT GO.

How about posting something positive for a change? Or posting something that doesn't center around your W?

Ok, so I a, dry proud of S16 he aced all his NYS Reagents exams and finals. 4.2 GPA for tenth grade.

And I have really started to work on myself..but it's mentally exhausting...

I have really been focused on speaking less words. On improving who I am...on staying calm..

how did a young woman get your phone number?

GALing isn't about going out and partying so it shouldn't be that mentally exhausting

It's about getting to know you
find your likes
being a better person

You should love spending time with yourself

because if you don't want to spend time with yourself....why would anyone else

So Wife had a hair appointment that ended at 2;30 then IC with our MC at 5, me at 6:15.

I just got home and shes not home yet. I gave her my umbrella at the MC office. So I know when she left.

MC told me she is telling POSOM that their relationship has to stay the way it ended in Israel. Strictly Platonic. Just as friends for now. That if he comes they will only meet for lunch or go to a movie. Public places only.

She will not tell me though when he is coming.

So I get home at 7:40 its thiunder and lightning, shes not home.

She did not go back to work after haircut. Why I am so focused on those hours ?

Now I cant reach her she texts me shes ok and she will be home soon. Could it be there is now OM#2. MC says no...she is leaning back towards me..

So why do I get all anxious shes not home yet.

I was looking forward to her being home for a nice three day weekend.

I texted her and asked if he was here..She texted back:

I WILL BE HOME SHORTLY! NO HE IS NOT HERE!

Meanwhile now its an hour later there is a huge storm coming and she is still not home...

I know you tell me to not focus on her. But she is my wife, I still love her,
But I do not understand the head games...

Ox, can you make her change her brain, her mind? No? Then stop focusing on what she does. Focus on you. She will do what she wants to do, as always. YOUR job is to work on your temper, your mouth, your tendency to put your foot in your mouth. If you spent half as much time thinking about that stuff, practicing, planning your words, as you do obsessing about what she's doing and about putting OM down, you'd have her won over by now.

Hey Ox, I'm just here to speak of how good that feeling of DETACH feels finally.
As soon as it happens for you, everything gets a lot easier!!

You're less stressed out and less likely to do damage.
Doesn't mean you love them less. It just means that you stop feeling the need to understand her strange ways and wanting to control this frankly uncontrollable situation.

It all came for me in a snap. I've had 10 days now of feeling as happy and carefree as I was in my early 20s.

Once you stop craving things, they tend to happen.
Strange little law of life.

"But I do not understand the head games..."

She's NOT playing head games. YOU are.

So she's not home. Big deal. Let it go. You're doing this all to yourself.

Hey Ox , Im relatively new here and Ive been reading your sitch and we have alot in common Bro .I do the same thing > She is supposed to be home but doesnt show > So you wait 30 mins ( which seems like days ) and she still not home so you text her .BAM!!! huge mistake > Everytime I do that it goes bad for me . Not only does she still not come home on purpose then when she does she is pissed that IM trying to control her > Im starting get onto this DBing stuff > Its all starting to make sense . She doesnt want to be controlled , who would . What she is doing when shes not with you is beyond your CONTROL . So if you cant control it , let it go . I know its hard man and I feel for you bigtime but its true , you cant control her , just like she cant control you . A good relationship should never be controlling anyway .My wife has been having an affair for 7 months know , 4 of which Ive known about . Talk about hard to deal with . I dont know how I am doing it , it must be the detachment