Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis My H's MLC

Cat04, and that's the thing... you don't know how many times recently I have only wished it was not this. Because I know the amount of time it will take and the amount of damage it will cause. I wish this were something smaller. I wish this was just him wanting out of our marriage but that he would still be "Super Dad" to the kids. I wish he would look to the support of his family and not OW. I wish alot of things but unfortunately this is my reality.

Sounds like he's also a depressed alcoholic?

Matt165, I know that divorces take time but in our sitch it will be complicated and messy because of the family business. I'm just concerned that once it starts it will get ugly. Not so much from me but just what will be expected of him. He thinks this will all be simple and easy. He has no idea what he's in for. He threatened the divorce from BD, then went back and forth, then on our 6 yr ann I recieved the letter. Then just this weekend he said things that made me think he cooled his jets about it, but yesterday sent me that text about the divorce attorney (whether I found one). Just like you mentioned, I hang on his every last word and my hopes get inflated and deflated by what he say. He made mention last week about moving out. I wish he would to give himself true space to really think about what he wants. If only OW would disappear and stop chirping in his ear.

Yes, he's definitely depressed and now turned into an alcoholic (I think) too. leading up to BD he was constantly drinking but since April, other than the first 2 nights after his nose job, he has drank every night. And even the day he came home from surgery he asked me, "do you think I could have a glass of wine?". I obviously knew he couldn't but didn't want to be controlling or bossy so I defered to google. I said let's see what they say about alcohol after surgery. And of course he got his answer.

First off, I didnt insinuate it was or wasn't MLC. I asked a simple question hoping you would tell me why YOU thought it was MLC.

There have been situations here where I believe its MLC but the poster doesnt.There have been situations where i dont think MLC but the poster does.

I have no problem asking questions when i would like information. Or more information. It is a part of me that makes some people crazy but I like it.

While his current behavior seems to fit the script, your description of his childhood is not one we usually see around here.

MLC is not something that is viewed as a diagnosable illness by the medical or psychiatric field. That does not mean the phenomonon doesnt exist though.

That is why i initially said it isnt up to anyone else to decide for you.

Cat04, although he may not have been abused or neglected as a child, he has always suppressed himself. He has always deferred to everyone, including his younger brother, when it comes to making decisions. Down to which route to take when driving, or what time to be somewhere. He has never taken charge of anything. He has mentioned in the past and again in recent months how his family doesn't take him seriously and they don't respect what he says and how much it would frustrate him... yet he didn't break out of that. He would say how his father never respects his decision making int he family business and it would drive him nuts. That's the thing I think he never was heard and so now this is his way of taking control.

And yes, I'm aware that MLC is an undiagnosable condition that the medical field does not recognize.

The little child/boy thing was the thing that made me think mlc with my h. Oh and at bd, he had a conversation over in the edge of the room, and used a little child like voice. Even as distressed as I was I could see it was seriously odd.

He was angry irritable reacted with behaviours and physical hits towards my son, all things he had never done before. Became paranoid, had major anxiety.

I could do no right, I think even being alive was enough to get him boiling. As some have said the whole stress level is much much less And therefore as one goes on its a relief.

Regrardless of what or how we all seem to be rowing a simalar boat and the same river of scripts. Which makes for sad reading at times.

Ggrass,


I swear with my H there are three people active in there.

There is my 63 year old husband, the man I love, the man I married,

There is a 5-7 year old boy who talks to me like a child,

And there is a 13-15 year old teenager who is sullen, argumentative, selfish, and stubborn. And totally hormonal.


I think you are RIGHT.

When a lot of my sitch went down, I felt like I was NOT dealing with the grown man with whom I had shared my life. I still feel like he is 75% absent.
And I can't deal with these "alter-egos" who show up, defending his actions. There is no reasoning with them!


The way he screamed "I wanna DI-VORCE. I wanna Di-VORCE, I wanna DI-VORCE!" with fingers in the ears, no less.. I really felt like I was dealing with a little boy.
It was not rational. It was not to be believed.

The guy who was chasing around OW and meanwhile, back at home, acting sullen, entitled, irritable, and "you're just invading my PRIVACY!!!" was like a teenaged boy.


I've thought this many times before.

I feel like HIS MOTHER for Pete's sake!

RARELY have I seen an adult man who is able to put his emotions into words and explain to me WHY he wants a divorce and what will be better for him because of it.
I wish he would make an appearance and perhaps offer an explanation...

So far? Not once.

Which is why I pretty much discount anything I hear said in a child/teen's voice.

I will ONLY listen to the adult man, and even then, take it with a really BIG grain of salt!!


---GG

Mine was behaving in ways that made me feel like I had to tell him how to behave and what was acceptable. To others he is mature, articulate and an make some great points re break down of things for settlement, but is never going to admitt I ever contributed anything.

That point alone given the law says you do contribute will really be fun. He thinks I owe him. Thousands. oh and he's the honest one, mmmm yes ow makes you 100% honest.

With my H it's his judgment and behavior around the kids especially that troubles me. He acts more like a big brother than a dad. Whether it be inappropriate music (vulgar and sexual content) or the comments he makes to them (how my son, who's ONE, is going to get all the girls, or how he's going to work with him and make so much $ he's going to rule). Just very immature and not like the old him. He used to be very humble and modest and now it's a 180.