Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Dropping the rope

Now he sends a text just letting you know I'll be out of town 14-19 so I won't be able to have them then either. He is going to the keys with her and her family.

I want to SCREAM. Deep breath. Let go.

I should just say okay

Don't react. Just say ok. I know it makes you crazy, but do not react.

I didn't. I sent him a text saying okay thanks for the heads up. See you tomorrow.

He sent me a text saying he was going to give me some money tomorrow at practice for S6 glasses. I replied okay cool I'm picking them up tomorrow.

He said thanks, well I'm going to go to bed have a good night I'll see you tomorrow.

Well played!!!! Excellent!!!! Good job!!!! Great work!!!!

He threw a pitch at your head, and you ducked.... a month . Ago you would have let the ball hit you, and the charged him to fight.

Showing that kind of restraint is very good progress.

Trust me, he is holding his phone right now, waiting for a dig about 19girl, he has an angry response all written up, ready to hit send.

But you have kept yourself and your emotions in check, and he now has nothing to do but hit "save draft" (or cancel).

So true, Woundedfool. I swear , TO, sometimes your h sounds like mine. I've never mentioned his gf and they are on vacation together. He told us he was going for work. Heck, even my kids have figured out that Daddy doesn't have the type of job where one works on Memorial Day and 4th of July. I just smile and nod to him when he utters this garbage.

Good job. I swear that once you do this frequently, the urge to scream will dissipate some. You will just read response and said simply "Sorry, I can't", "yes. Thanks!" Or "ok, thanks". Something of the sort.

Holy cats. You guys really manage to not mention the GF?

I really have been doing it all wrong. I'll be watching you for the how-to directory!

You guys are STRONG. (I'm going to be, too - one day!)

Thanks GB and wounded

It was so hard for me to not respond especially since he lied and told the boys he doesn't have a girlfriend that she's just a friend.

I just still don't get who this person is. Was I with this manipulative liar all these years? And seriously, like your H GB, do they think we are stupid?

But thank you both for the encouragement. Without you guys I wouldn't be at the place I'm at now. I would have been retaliating last night and given h more ammunition as to justifying him leaving/dating her

I think you are doing amazing TO. We all have challenging situations, that's obviously why we're here. But the lunacy getting involved with a 19yo is just beyond. You are a tough, classy lady.

It's possible he is lying because he feels embarrassed or ashamed, right?

You have turned a great corner, TO! You are showing your sons a great model of strength and dignity and resilience. And they need that. Congrats!!

NO! The aliens have him!!

Just a brainstorm here:

MWD has some youtube video's (BTW, watch them all). But she has one on MLC (not suggesting your H is having one).

But watch the one on MLC.... Here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHvV55IpAxk

At the 3:23 mark, she gives a great line to give.

Do NOT run out and do this today... or ever.

Much like you sometimes have kids basketball to see H, I had a common sport with our child where I would see W. I waited for a day where she seemed talkitive/friendly/happy. I asked her if she had a moment to talk. She seemed standoff-ish, but I said I would only take a minute or two:

And I dropped a form of that speech on her. I phrased it something like:

"I wanted to tell you, since we have been separated, I have had lots of time to reflect on things. And I need to tell you, that: I understand, I understand you need to take the time to have the same reflection and experiences without me as a distraction. I want you know I am stepping out of your way to do this.

I also want you to know I have not been the perfect husband, and if you feel there is something you want to or need to tell me about how I have disappointed you, I am open to hearing it. I will not defend my positions, I will not excuse them, I will not retort to any of them and I will not judge them."

Now, only contemplate doing this IF YOU MEAN IT. Because he very well could get back to you at some point, and "air his grievances".

While giving the above speech to my W did not stop our D snowball from rolling down the hill.... I did see a touch of it get through the fog and reach her. It was the first time I saw her have any kind of emotion in a while.