Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Dropping the rope

Excellent! You are indeed making progress. Feels a little bit better, doesn't it?

Yes it does feel better. I feel like I'm in 'push pull' mode. I am happy that his texts don't mean too much to me but I am still struggling with completely letting go. I want to drop the rope and to him I believe I have however what I'm going through in my mind is still letting go.

Oddly I haven't heard a thing from my lawyer. I filed my response the beginning of this month and since she asked H's L to have him not contact me and to go through our L. I have heard nothing.

I feel like I'm in limbo. I don't want to proceed with the divorce if there is a chance H would work on our issues. However I don't want to wait around forever. I have told my lawyer I do not wish to impede anything but I do not want to be the one to initiate the proceedings except regarding getting some of my things returned which are not necessarily part of the divorce.

I guess I will just hope for more positive interaction this week at basketball since that's the only opportunity. I would have never thought that when I signed the boys up!

I played soccer all through high school and college so I'm thinking this might be something I can do as part of my GAL. I live in a small beach town so pretty much everything revolves around the water lol

Lucky you in the beach town:). You are on the right track , TO. You are correct that your h doesn't think he's making a mistake. He's searching for " happy ."
Meanwhile, you know happy isn't external. Keep focusing on you and your boys.

You can do this!

Yes happy to be in the beach town that's why I commute an hour to work each way (plus I work in one of the best children's hospitals)

Thanks for the encouragement. I kind of have been beating myself up wondering if I would have found this site/book sooner if things could have been different. It doesn't matter now. My mind just runs wild at times. Lol

I will see H tomorrow at basketball. Well he should be there. I'll have to bite my tongue and be nice and happy like last week. I don't know I might lose it if I see that stupid tattoo he got for her again lol.

Someone showed me an article on affairs and relationships hats actually somewhat scientific in nature. It goes on to say that after 6 months the chemicals that are released are reduced significantly. Technically we are at the 6 month mark since the texting started in November - December. So who knows

Oh yes GB happiness, true happiness, is not external only. I am trying to fake it til I make it but I am genuinely happy with my boys and my family (not including H). I don't have the need to post how happy I am or to continue proclaiming it. And if I were in a relationship (which I won't be for a long time) I won't feel the need to post it or tell everyone about it.

TO,

I found this site a couple of days after BD. Admittedly, I arrogantly thought my sitch would be different. Then I realized these stories have eerie similarities and "scripts." I have decided to just be cordial, focus on me and the kids, work on things I need to, and let h be. He is on a journey that I wasn't invited to and I'm okay with that now. Be cordial to your h and live your life. The high roadster not have much traffic, but it really is the best option. Even when it can be extremely challenging.

And I couldn't agree with you more. The more people proclaim how * happy* they are on social media, the less likely they are to be truly * happy.* When you are truly happy, constant proclamations aren't necessary. Hang in there! You are doing great. I feel a shift in your thinking.

Thanks GB

I really think that school is changing my shift of thought. The real thing that's holding me back is this picture perfect life I thought we had, this husband that I planned on spending my life with and thought when he told me that he meant it.

However as I've said before it's quite freeing for me to think that I only have to struggle for a little over 2 years financially and then I will be done with school and able to afford my life on my own without working 2 jobs. So fingers crossed I get accepted. I have my application almost finalized

I think H has convinced himself he is happy. I think he makes posts to get reassurance that he's happy and 'doing the right thing'

I truly believe in my heart that he will look at the boys and I one day and regret his choices. I don't know that he will ever admit it. But I really believe that. I don't truly think he will be happy for her. Him getting a tattoo for her solidifies to me that he is not in a 'clear' state of mind. As my C says he is running on emotion and anger and resentment that he has built up towards me. He has gathered this 'army' of people that support him and Make him feel right in what he's doing. But the 'army' he has are people that were never of meaning in his life prior to BD

So. I just got a text from MIL.

H and her do not talk. The last he told her to stay the F out of his life, cursed her out and blocked her on FB (so mature) and told her to delete his number.

He sent her a text today saying 'so it's really nice to hear that somebody told the boys I have a girlfriend'

She said she doesn't plan on responding

However from my point of view HELLO you've announced it on Facebook, you are publicly out together. What does it matter if the kids did know? And where did this come from it's not like you've seen them since Friday

Kind of freaking out ...

I sent H a text telling him my schedule got changed and because July 4th is my holiday to work I now have to work the next day, Saturday.

He said 'I'll be out of town' to which I said my parents have to work and I don't have anyone to watch them he said ' we will figure it out worse comes to worse I'll take them with me '

I asked to where and he replied to my boss house in Georgia (10 hours away).


I came up with the best reply I thought I could

Okay, if you're going alone that's alright, but if others are going it's in the boys best interest not to be anymore confused than they already are. They already have a lot going on and should be around people they know.'

I didn't want to deny him taking them
But the boys do not need to be around OW.

I just haven't been faced with this to know how to handle it.

IMhO, you handled it about as good as you could. Except..... come hell or high water, I would find someone I would trust to watch them. You must have some co-worker or someone around that could watch them during your shifts?

I will find someone. This is the response I just got from him.

Seems like they know a lot like daddy has a new gf who told them that? And no everybody going up there im not going alone

I didn't respond. He sent another text saying he would bring the boys stuff to basketball tomorrow (he has their bikes from awhile back)

I just responded okay, thanks. If you end up being able to stay here and can watch them let me know. Still haven't acknowledged the GF text. I haven't ever acknowledged the gf thing. What should I do about that