Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Dropping the rope

^^^ I agree.

And part of detaching means that he says whatever the F he's going to say, or do whatever the F he's going to do, but YOU don't have to get all bent out of shape over it. (Personally, I say a little choice word or two under my breath if necessary, and then go on my merry way. Detached.)

Don't stew.

When you feel like venting about what a jerk he is, pause, take a deep breath, and thank your lucky stars that a)you are strong and capable and b) that your sons have at least one parent who is strong and capable.

Then, tell us what you are doing to GAL!

My GAL is in full force but it includes my boys

Went to the zoo today with some friends and their kids, water park tomorrow. I work Friday Saturday but boat as usual on Sunday.

Wait a minute.... he has your name tattooed on his arm?

On his own doing. It was a surprise for me

A tattoo of your name on his arm?

LOL, 18 year old will love seeing the constant reminder. "Enjoy the constant reminder, sucka!"

Lol but he just got cowboy boots right next to it.

Oh and btw as time passes and I leave them alone and especially after I saw her the other day I realize there's no way it's going to last and if it does than he's not an H id ever want. My friend sent me a snapshot of a Facebook post she tagged him on

So his girlfriend posted an article on 'why older men are more attractive to younger women' and she tagged H in the post. I couldn't help but laugh when I saw it.

I know people shouldn't be showing me things on his Facebook but this one was actually enjoyment for me. Such immaturity. In between that and all the selfies of her in her bathing suit 😂

Just curious... do you and 18girl share the same name?

No. One of our mutual friends that knows her as well (friends with her parents) said she had no interest in anything that she was more of the tom boy type. Well she randomly decided to get a breast augmentation and had to have it done asap. She also was a blonde and colored her hair dark brown. My friend said they think my H definitely has a type and that she was trying to make herself look like me.

Who knows

While I completely subscribe to the believe 1/2 of what you see and none of what you hear mantra:




I am going to ramble here (so bear with me):

This absolutely seals it for me. While it is important to keep detaching from H. I need you to throw another detachment in there. Detach from their R. Because all indications are that they are both on a crazy train. 18girl because.... well... because she is 18, and that's what 18 year olds do (they are impulsive, they are short sighted, they are only in the moment; we as "seasoned adults" do think about long term effects, weighing responsibilities, etc). As quick as she made up her mind to have a b00b job (without thinking about the consequences) she will make the same decisions about WAH.

Now, Your WAH seems to have an impulsive nature as well (the tattoo, how he dropped the bomb, trying to see kids at last minute, etc). Parlay that with the strange dynamic surrounding the household (him on couch, 18girl paying for surgery... yet still living at home, H working for GF's parents, etc).

It is enough for a "Lifetime Movie of the Week".

I don't think of you as knee deep in their relationship, but I do notice when you see or hear about it, it stirs up pain, and comparison to yourself, plus in general its a kick in the nuts (or in your case gut) every time someone brings it up.

Continue to:
Keep your head up.
Focus on YOU
Keep detaching

Also, for extra credit:



While that is great, I applaud that and do not want to discourage it. BUT, I want you to work on a GAL that is just YOU. Something that only YOU want/like to do.

Thank you ... I did go out with some friends the other night for an 'adult night' lol but I doubt that counts. I know I need to do things for me but honestly when I'm not at work I am with the boys. And that's what makes me happy. We are like the 3 musketeers and I wouldn't have it any other way right now. When H starts taking the boys on days I'm off I will have to start finding things I want to do to occupy myself because I know it will be hard since the boys and I are in such a routine of being together.

Do you think H is ever going to get off the crazy train? I need to keep being the person only a fool would leave that's why last night was so uplifting for me because it's the first time I've been able to be genuinely nice more than just a hello and good bye like the other practice and this is the only place he can't avoid seeing me so it will be our only contact.

I am getting better on detaching. Last night I actually packed up all his stuff out of my closet and dressers.

And the now 19 year old (lol ;)) can continue with her immature nonsense. Hopefully H will wake up and get sick of her sh!t