Here's my VP about him constantly texting you about the kids games/practices. I would tell him you have tried to keep him informed but he refuses to cooperate, go by a schedule, or meet with you to discuss things. Therefore, you are resigning as his personal secretary. Tell him not to expect any further assistance in "reminding" him that he needs to show up for his sons, and answering his redundant questions he texts. It is not your duty. He will have to get his information the same way you get yours.
Tell him that you want to have a set schedule so that both of you will know how to make plans for the boys and please do not text past bedtime wanting to have them the next day.
I would also tell him that he should stop texting you unless it is an emergency or of extreme importance regarding the boys.
Then you will have it in print as documentation.
And this business where he text at 10:00 at night asking you if the boys might want to do something with him the next day? Why on earth put up with it? If he won't cooperate with a schedule for the times he has the boys, then why should you feel obligated to soften his bed for him?
He is making you miserable. You can stop some of this stuff....if you want to. It's up to you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank you Sandi. I will definitely be implementing something along those lines I just didn't know how to DB it because he will think this is me being the controlling bitch that he says I am. So it's hard for me to not be 'available' to answer questions about the boys because whenever I don't answer he flips out and involves my family.
I used to respond to him when he would ask me my schedule (so he could avoid seeing me) that - 'H you are more than welcome to see the boys whenever you'd like as long as we have enough notice, just send me a text or call me so I can make sure the boys are available.'
That shot him through the roof. He would text my mom and call my dad threatening to send the police over lol. So ever since then and after my coaching session I have textd him the schedule in advance. It has definitely lessened the conversation. But as I've told you all he mentions stupid things and will send me repetitive texts. And I also agree, as does my L, he does not have any right to ask for the kids less than 24 hours prior. He is doing this because he knows I will have plans and that it will make it look like I am keeping the boys from him. Which is why I called his bluff a few weeks ago (per my L advice) and he strangely couldn't take them
I am not his personal secretary and my love (as well as my parents) for these blys have made it very easy for him to live his life and have this new relationship. Going out of town every weekend like not a care in the world. Which don't get me wrong I am fine with it but quit posting on fb or texting our mutual friends about how I'm using the boys as leverage.
I will see H tonight, well he 'knows' there is basketball so we will see haha. I don't even think I'll be able to muster up a hello after these last few days. I know I should be the better person and do it
He is emotionally manipulating you by threatening to call the police, etc. Why does it scare you? Do you think the cops will come take your children out of their home, based on just the word of your H? I mean, what is he going to say if he calls them? "My W won't let me see my kids"? They will tell him to get a lawyer or take it to court. And you have enough documentation for a Judge to see who the irresponsible parent is.
Are the kids sleeping at the same house your H is staying?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks sandi. It doesn't scare me but I just don't want it to get stupid. We should be rational parents - but clearly only one of us is right now. I guess I was trying to keep the peace.
H has not had the boys overnight ever. I offered him to stay at our home a few times with the boys and said I would stay out for the night. He has declined.
So I made leaps tonight. H walked by me and didn't say one word. I ended up shooting baskets with him made a light conversation about the boys. There was even a joke and smile on his part. There's a ref that is probably my age. we ended up talking as we were leaving basketball he was talking to my dad and I. H was waiting outside with the boys. He asked me who he was. H the boys and I all walked to the car together. He told me to have a good night and goodbye. That was it. This was leaps for me to put on a happy face. Us walking to the car and talking was just like it was when we were together as a family. If I closed my eyes I would have thought it was 6 months ago that's how easy the conversation was.
I am NOT reading into ANYTHING. Just letting you all know what happened
Side note - I notice H got another tattoo. A pair of cowboy boots. Are you kidding me?!?!?? It is way too soon to be getting a tattoo for her. And it right next to the one covering his whole upper arm for me with my name!!'
