Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers First post, completely lost

Hi everyone, please forgive me for the ramble and also if I don't get the abbreviation thing just yet...
My story so far, I met my husband 10 years ago, I had literally just left my previous husband, our relationship was amazing from the beginning, meeting him was like finding the other half of myself, I moved from my home to where he lived three hours away, we have had a roller coaster of events occur in the last three years alone, my husband's father died suddenly, and he was the one to find him, we had identical twin boys (we already have an older some who's now 7-twins are now 3) we have gone through infidelity-him not me, twice, he told me in march he wasn't happy, hadn't been for a long time, that he loved me, not in love with me, thinks we're done.
So for a couple of months, he lived between our house, his mums, and a local hotel. 7 weeks ago he officially rented his own place, gave me a key, so I could come and go whenever I wanted, told me to give him a couple of months to get his head sorted then we could start moving back in together. We were going really well until about 4 weeks ago and it's like he's shut down, no more ssleepovers, we were having sex and it was amazing, now nothing, he's going out all the time, buying new clothes, and won't talk to me about what's going on, we relate well with the kids, still have family night every week, and he still texts me 3 happy things that have happened at the end of every day. I'm so petrified that my marriage is over, and I don't know what to do..again so so sorry for the rambling post, any advice or input is greatly appreciated. .

Welcome to the board

Get out and GAL.

DETACH.

Believe none of what he says and half of what he does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.

Your H is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon

How old are you all? Is this possible Mid-life crisis?

Backing up a bit. You said that he cheated on you, not once, but twice? That seems like a pretty major thing that you just passed along as if it were nothing. What happened there? That is when conflict in your M comes to a head and an A is a result of that.

Next thing you need to do is to read DB or DR right away.

Thank you for the responses, I am 39, my husband is 32, the first time he cheated was 5 years ago, I was suffering major anxiety at the time, we had a business that we were trying to get out of, he was working in a pub 60 hrs a week,and our son was 18 myths at the time, the recent infidelity occurred last November, again I was suffering anxiety and was involved in a business wwith a lot of negativity around it, our twins are very full on and I think a lot of issues surrounding his father's sudden death (he found his dad) three years ago are starting to come up. I know 5 hat I have contributed a lot to where we are with neediness etc, I'm petrified it's over..

Having just read your post, I strongly urge you to speak to a divorce busting coach. A lot of information to try and process on your own. Our coaches specialize in helping you focus on your goals and help you come up with a plan to get your marriage heading back in the right direction. Call me to discuss our coaching program 303-444-7004.

I added another post to my original one, but it hasn't shown up yet, I wanted to add that although when my H told me he wasn't happy, and hadn't been for a while, he has not ever really said what he wasn't happy about, so it makes it difficult to work on your problems when you don't know what they are specifically. Last night he rand to give me his 3 happys for the day, also to borrow money as he was out, and playing the pokies (slots machines? ?) He has always been a bit of a punter, but the amount of money he's been spending in the last few weeks had been astronomical, I know what he gets paid, and I have no idea where the extra money is coming from, and it worries me. Roberta, I would love to do the coaching, but I simply don't have money. I have ordered the books, hoping they'll be here in a week or so....

Ive added a couple of posts to my original in the last couple of days and I still cant see them on here, I'm not sure if i'm doing something wrong, so I'm just going to keep posting and hopefully someone sees them. I am so afraid that my H is never going to come homw, that this is my new reality for the test of my life, when we first separated, he was really distant, going out etc, then we started to spend a bit of time together, being intimate etc, texting, taling on the phone, he told me to give him a couple of month and then we'd start moving towards moving back in together, that was 8 weeks ago and in the last 4 weeks, he has increasingly detached himself, no more "aleepovers' unless I turn up his place, he wants to be 'independant' wants to look after our boys all by himself when he has them, going out all the time, and now going out of town when going out, he still texts three things that have made him happy for the day at thend of every day, is he only doing that to appease me or is he wanting to keep a personal connection other than just our boys? someone please help, i'm really drowing, I've read lots of your posts on here, and I just need support, please

Still no response? What am I doing wrong on here?

so I'm posting gain, praying someone will see this and respond, tonight my H finally wanted to talk, he said that he loves me, always has, always will, that he would do anything to protect me but he isn't in love with me, he's tries to change the he feels, that he thought by moving out he would miss me, us, and he did, but just doesn't want to be with me, asked him what he wanted me to do, he asked me to just let him go. I am heartbroken, Iasked him if he thought we had done everything to repair our r, and he was honest and said no. he said he knows the good times outweigh the bad, and that he agrees, that he has no idea how we got to this point, not talking when we should of, I guess.
I understand my role in our journey to this point, where do I go from here? there is this voice inside that is still saying, even after tonight, don't give up. he said that he has tried to change the he feels, but it stays the same, but how do you tell the person who you have been with for 10yrs, three kids you love them, but let me go??? I still believe in us, he says there is no one else now, he just wants to do his own thing, how do you do that when you have three children together, and see each other nearly every day, we live in small country town. how do I do this, how do try to save something that he believes is over? someone please help