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Epic DB fail five minutes ago.
Kept reminding myself to be loving, quiet and confident and not get snarky and make jabs at her for putting us into this situation..she is a control freak and even though I have been lazy in the past, I have taken initiative to do things like pack up a room. She freaked and told me I did it all wrong and she always does this. I just cant win either way.
So I rebuffed her and said "there you go again, I cant win with you. If I am lazy I get nailed, if I do stuff I get nailed" blah should have validated before when she freaked. By then my emotions were on my sleeve...quiet brooding..just wanted to launch into it and instead said "I need a moment" and have closed the door and am sending out a mayday...mayday...somene throw me a line vets!

ah well I am amped up and I did apologize and tell her the friend I am roommates with just changed his mind and said my kids cant come over and stay over so that just really hurt me. Its the only place in my budget right now but I guess I can find friends places to "camp out with my kids" twice a week when I have them. Make it out to be a game for them cause I need to tuck these guys into bed at night like I have been as a SAHD for the past year six nights a week.Little guy is almost four...dont want to waste any more time. Good thing is my goal this summer is to make as much money as I can to rent a good place for my kids.

so right now I am not even doing a 45 much less a 180. Gonna try to dust myself off, face her and keep packing...longest week of my life. Y'know she said "well we aren't even gonna try are we? (to have a good week, moving and separating)" and I wanna scream "H#LL NO! I hate THIS!!"

But the db bible says otherwise. Discouraged but grasping at God's hands and peace to help me do just that....try to have a good week...with grace, quietness, peace, love and confidence.
I messed up but I ain't leaving the db club yet cause I still got work to do on myself and a beauty to rescue....

Rayzzz,

I think most of us get weary of always being perfect in every interaction while our S are all over the map. I find it exhausting, especially with my challenges, so it's best if he's not in my face all the time. I couldn't do it 100% of the time. No way.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in the ring with Mike Tyson and he's about to bite my ear off.... something will come out of H's mouth that is SO TOTALLY UNEXPECTED... I hadn't worked it into my "Script of Possibilities" and I'm at a loss.
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This is still very fresh for you and your buttons are going to be easily pushed.

Don't sweat it too much, she wants this, right?
You're "facilitating" her desire to be on her own.
Heck, you're even moving out, right?

So, she can't expect you to be Mr. Perfect every moment; keeping your PMA and STFU and GAL and LTF going every minute.

Only WE can expect that!!!



Seriously. I've said stuff to my H that, as much as a d*ck he's been over the last 18 months, I'm surprised he's talking to me at all.
It's the overall interactions that tell the tale, I think.

Figure you'll be coming in at about 80%... that percentage of positives should outweigh a few boo-boos.
Find an average guy who can compare to THOSE stats of great supportive attitude, wonderful listening skills, and all the other great stuff you're doing. (Right?)

Meanwhile, rehearse the "Hold on a sec, I have to talk to a man about a horse" ruse and take five in the can....

Get your composure and go back and show her Superman. Or Batman. Or whoever... At least those guys can pack boxes really fast.


---GG

Oh Goat Gal! (superman-batman ((hugs))...not each other you!)

Just what I needed to hear. I am gonna keep it PG here but I had a funny thought about superheros packing boxes well...ok ...deep breath.

Yeah so after a few hours I think I recovered enough to put on my Bruce Wayne (look at me I'm a millionaire playboy who is hiding a super secret identity) and fake happiness and "as if" coolness.

Then I had a super healing thought:
"You cannot win her back today" and I just kept screaming that inside when I felt like screaming at her "Don't go don't go..."

It will be a relief to not have to see her and to be honest today is the longest time I have spent with her in six weeks. Usually we just pass each other during the "parenting trade" when she goes to work or I go out.


Whew. Just making the 80% makes me feel alot better. I like how you score American Idol! ( I am Canadian and our version of Idol is so lame compared to your US version so you get high compliments from me:D )

And yes I think I told that cowboy horse dude my whole life story in the three or four times I was in there today( shoulda snuck in a beer) so will keep that as my back door. ok commencing 180 and thanks for letting me know its ok to fall and pick myself up like the super hero movers...packing guys...you know what I mean...my anaology fails me here :P

The 80% is just something I came up with... I think because it's realistic.

As in, "My diet is 80% great!" Bring on the NACHOS!

That allows for some mistakes.

Not that we shouldn't be shooting for 100%, but hey, who are we, Batman?

As for "packing boxes", I'm guessing you're missing your wife in more ways than one already....

How about "Able to lift heavy objects without a single objection"?

--GG

Not doing too good today. My PMA is taking a beating and I think it's because in the past 48hrs my WAW and I have spent more time together than the last 3 months since D day and all this goin thru our stuff together in moving.
Just felt like apologizing to her all day and have just had all these left over thoughts of shame "man if I only worked hard and kept my other ft jobs we might still be together. Such a simple fix and I blew it and she doesn't trust me that I will look after her" man I am never ever gonna be that way again. I can't wait to work 2-3 jobs and be who I was before the last six years.
Blah!!!! I know detach, GAL stop with the guilt tripping and self mind reading.
I just hurt today. Somebody stop that knife from going in again.
Gonna GAL with some new friends tonight at a coffee shop downtown (we live in the burbs so that is really GALing when you hit the city)
I have still been confident and upbeat ...recovered well from yesterday but inside I am a mess. Deep deep breath. I can do this.

You CAN do this!

Stop beating yourself up, for starters.

What's done is done, you did what you did based on what you knew at the time and the skills you had. Now you know better.

I think we can all say that had we known our spouses had their mental bags packed back before we were privy to their vacation plans, we'd all have been on our best behavior.

Sure, take responsibility for your actions, but SHE is the one who is throwing in the towel. No need for you to bend over backwards apologizing for not being perfect.
(Like you're going to be from here on out, right? Well, mostly )

And really, you don't know that if you had done this, that, or the other thing, you wouldn't be in exactly this same spot.

So go enjoy an overpriced cappuccino and let it go for awhile.

And try to avoid any talk about it with your friends, if you tend to do that.
Practicing your PMA with them--and everybody-- is good for you too.

Spread those "feel good vibes" around a little--- to go with the caffeine buzz!


---GG

Hey man, like GoatGal said, don't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure we all slip up here and there. I had my heart on my sleeve a little too much today myself. But delf-flagellation just leads to a downward spiral. Overall it seems like you're doing well focusing on you. And it seems like you're able to check yourself and rededicate yourself to the work at hand. You're dealing with big stuff... Hard stuff. So major props to you for rising to the challenge.

Thanks GG & Stumps. Was in a vortex of self inflicted pain and you are right.
Gotta give myself some credit for the major overhaul I am giving myself and stop blaming myself for stuff that may o may not have contributed to my current SITCH.




And thanks for this GG. I was close to just bad mouthing her over a few beers tonight. Would be so easy to do and it would cause so much needless damage to my dBing.

Gonna ge[spoiler][/spoiler]t to that GAL now and have got my PMA on maximum.

Ok just looking for some relief from this ache. Man another long day of frazzled emotions hiding behind a veneer-----a thin veneer mind you with my WAW packing and cleaning. Just gotta hold on and keep smiling being scarce and leaving the room to work somewhere else.
It's such a catch 22 cause I just wanna grab her kiss her and then have that break the spell so we can be together again. As it is I can't wait to be working ft again. And luckily I have a super GAL this weekend: gonna go out dancing with a couple guys and gals and I haven't went nightclubbing since I was in my twenties!
Heck if I am out past 10pm I am doing a 360 if that's even possible!
Plus it ain't gonna be pretty cause I can't dance but that's why there is booze.
Detaching and having something else to look forward to dulls the ache so just gotta pick the right threads....maybe get some new ones so I can hang with the hipsters. Ok ....deep breath to face my WAW beauty and off I go

Hang in there Rayzzz. You can do this, my friend. You gotta let her go before you can get her back.