Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wife wants to leave #2

So update:

I leave for training July 25th. This means the 25th is probably the last day I'll see my W and, well I think I'm going to take my jeep and head on with the D.

Why:
She will be gone August 2014 - May 2015 for school in NC (Im in CA, she has stated she hates CA and doesnt want to come back)

This is part of why I want to just head thru with D:

July 3rd
me - i hope youre feeling better
her - nto like you care
her - why were you at the apartment
me - i threw away the old printer
her - you drove all the way here to throw away a printer. thats bullshit
me - not just, my brother is in town and he wanted to see the dog
her - ok well next time let me know before you come. and Im not working a double anymore sat, so you have no need to come over here
her - have fun with your brother
her - and how about you stop with the idiotic lies
me - enjoy your weekend
her - must just be leaving a bar. you too ill be working
me - Im not. and i would appreciate it if i was not accused of committing "lies"
her - dont lie then
me - im going to bed, good night


This is the 2nd time ive been kicked out of the apartment I own and she is driving my jeep and this is more of the same [censored] I've dealt with. Im taking my jeep back the 23rd, the 24th is incase I have to report it stolen and the 25th I bounce for training and don't see her anymore. My IC has more or less confirmed some sort of bi-polar/unstable behavior and has said its up to me to make my decision.

I think the only way to "save" this is to give my W my jeep in some hope that she comes back but I dont want a M based on the [censored] I give her.

Maybe she'll convince me within the next 2.5 weeks before I leave but I really do thinks its done and I want to move on.

Update 7/15

1 W now considering to live with the woman who married us. I think this is a bad idea if this M ends, I think that speaks for itself. W's mother wont let her stay there as their R is ruined by W's bipolar issues. The woman who married us lives a few miles from MIL. The leave date is the 12th of August, adjusted from having my Jeep to drive back starting on the 4th of August.

Also, W will not have any vehicle to get to work/school, not sure she has any plan or plans to think, at all. School is a huge issue W had and she wants to pursue and finish her degree.

2 After talking to brother in law (BIL), this is a known pattern that W goes through. This particular "down" is on the extreme side on the see-saw. BIL has also stated that in his opinion, W just wants to leave Cali and head back to NC. Also he thinks that if W wanted a D she would have done so. I don't see this as true evidence based on W's lack of any sense ATM.

3 I am continuing to see my IC and I am making good progress. My C sees that I really do care for my W and am making positive, logical efforts to improve my sitch.

4 I have made no request to have my Jeep back yet. Texts between W and I suggest she is well aware that W is not taking it across the country. Additionally, I am not responding when W is blaming me for her problems. When I do respond to requests she has I am up front about it and cordial.

5 W has not filed a D response back to me yet.

6 I had a bad dream last night, from what I can remember it was my W saying mean things to me and I felt bad. Maybe there is some value, I'll let the experts chime in on that. This is important to note because I never remember my dreams.

7 I make a habit of praying daily for Guidance and Strength both for myself and for my W during this difficult time.


Mentally I'm in a better spot, I still have downs but their duration is decreasing and same with the emotional impact on me. Physically I am still hitting the gym and I am making progress which helps my mood and eats up my free time. I have received a billet promotion at work (looks good towards a pay promotion, but same pay). I like it well enough and I have more power to do things which is fun at times.

Update 7/21

I've taken the time to look over some of my previous posts and I almost think I'm the bi-polar one. I realize now that I have been on her roller coaster, and this is part of why I felt I had to move out of the apartment. After re-reading some of the posts here I realize moving out and also filing for D was wrong on my part, at the time I felt I really did have no choice. I do feel I have made more progress by being away from her and in the long run I don't think I could have avoided any of the verbal/written (text) abuse I have received.

As mentioned in my others posts, I think some of the behavior is is part of who my W is. I can justify that by talking to her brother and her mother who have both said very similar stories of W's past behavior. W is also not welcome to live with any of her family members based on prior experience.

I know my short comings in this; not spending time with her, ultimately neglecting her, playing video games. I do feel I was the WAH from late 2013 to mid-2014. I had initially tried to "date W" and "pursue" and "reason" and it was all shot down. After joining DB I have learned a great deal, in addition to the book as well.

Recently, I have attempted to validate her feelings when she texts me with some success. Going back to what her brother said, "she has trouble dealing with stress." I have found that not replying when she accuses me of "ruining her life" she does not usually follow up. The ruin her life comment is new since the last post. I have tried to find 3rd party views and the general consensus was that she is just not sure what she wants. I tend to agree, she is still directing her anger at me for the most part and I try to leave her without more ammo to blast me with.

I have received a promotion at work, I'm in charge of about 25 people now and I like it. I keep my mind busy and I'm still going strong at the gym. This Tuesday the 22nd I will see and talk to her again while I get my military gear for this upcoming field exercise. During this exercise I will only be 2.5 hours away and she will still be here for most of the 3 weeks I will be gone.

I will see my IC Tuesday just before I head out to talk to my W. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Update 8/19

I did see my IC that Tuesday, I met my W that Thursday to talk things over. I told W that having children wasn't a requirement and I should not have given her that impression, I said that shes not happy here in Cali and I hope she sees friends and family back in NC and that filing for D was probably the biggest mistake of my life. It wasn't well received, W said she would have filed anyway, I gave no response, I just reiterated that I hope she is happy when she is back and then left the apartment.

The next day, Friday, I left for the field for 3 weeks expecting nothing from my W. By the 12th, which was her leave day, I got was a text asking for me to call her, and a follow on text saying that she did not leave due to uncertainty (there was no explanation on this). She said she would leave the first week of September instead. I followed up by asking if she still needed to talk to me, and she agreed but failed to actually call. After, I told her she is welcome to text or call whenever.

W gave no indication so far of working this M out, so I'm sticking to being nice but detached. I got a award for my work in the field so I'm happy. I may be pulled to another unit that is going to open a spot here in a few months so possible move coming up. This is good news for me.

update 8/21

W confirmed PA. Done.