Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis For Making Magic....

Mm my advice is go the business settlement, just get it done.
Fast. I'm just starting the process, and my head wants it faster, totally. I want his sorry arse gone, to come here and say he was going to come back behind the new gf back, well really.

It shows he's light weight, simple.

"that was interpreted wrong. "

I think what you meant to say was "that was poorly written"

I guess its possible Ken, but no one else ever commented on that line.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SO, yesterday at work... I went in early & brought my laptop so that I could be occupied while there. Less chance of me opening my mouth, saying something I shouldn't. He kept himself busy as well. He never tried anything on me, nor were any awkward comments spoken.

I do wonder why, he didn't try it again (he was successful, the day before??). Was he waiting for me to make the next move? ......... I didn't. What does that say?

To be prepared, "IF" he should "offer" patio date on the last minute on Saturday, I am trying to be ready for what I should say. My thoughts are:

1) No thanks, you didn't seem too interested earlier in the week. It seemed like a problem for you.

2) No thanks, Im scared/confused now too.

3) No thanks, I have other plans .... <<< this sounds like a game play.

4) <enter your suggestion>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After work, I went over to a gf house, 3 separated women sat & drank wine outside. Was nice. The one girl had a spare ticket to an up coming concert & offered it to me.... I am very happy about that!

3.
And if you actually MAKE other plans, it won't be a game-play.

If he wants to work on patio, let him the patio doesn't include mm.

You could have plans. He can still do patio.

MM


You are still trying to mind read, which tells me that you still have not detached. Does it matter why he did not make another move? IMO, is SHOULD NOT. Reason – when you love, respect and value yourself you would NOT have even wanted him to make a move on you and would have been happy that he didn’t.

The fact that IMO, you still WANTED HIM to make the move so that you could reciprocate and/or use that opportunity to TELL HIM something along the lines of “no I value myself”…means that you are still trying to change/control the sitch. Still trying to get him to “get it”.

MM – when you respect yourself….it will not matter what he does.


I understand why you asked this question. Do you know what it says to me though…..


YOU are still afraid.

YOU still feel the need to have to explain things to him.


MM – A simple – no thank you. SHOULD BE ENOUGH. Why add anything else. You do not OWE him a f*cking thing. YOU do OWE YOURSELF a lot. You do not need to justify, explain, rationalize…YOUR feelings to HIM.


Think about it…..

If your next thought after reading the above is…..

What if…..

He just may….

How will he feel….

Or if you try to JUSTIFY his ACTIONS and WORDS…

Then IMO

You are INVALIDATING YOUR NEEDS and once again…butting him first. Haven’t you don’t this enough already? Haven’t you waited nicely for 20 years…putting out sex…waiting for the HONOR to be BLESSED with his companionship.

I say ENOUGH ALREADY!


IF you value YOURSELF…then he should be honored to be in the same room with you. He should be lucky that you are willing to touch his pecker. He should be begging your arse to please have dinner with him.


IF he is not…well then, MM, accept that he is broken right now. Accept that he may never be able to give you what you DESERVE.

That’s right I used the word DESERVE! You DERSERVE better MM. YOU DERSERVE BETTER JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU. YOU should not need his approval, my approval, Job’s, Starsky’s – NO FU*KING ONES except your own.


Focus on getting the legal paperwork done and completed so that YOUR future is set.

He want’s sex….hand him a jar of Vaseline and roll of paper towels and tell him to call the other women that he finds “attractive”.

Stop settling!

the fact you're trying to come up with an answer for a question that probably wont be asked shows you have a death grip on that rope, you refuse to let it go but instead are the one doing all the pulling and tugging.

Yes, but it's okay, because MM always writes "DROPPING THE ROPE" at the end of her posts, so . . .

Just "one" of the problems you have in dropping the rope is b/c you want to use it as a gimmick to make him do what you want. You can't let go b/c you are too busy watching the slightest move from him.......and if he says anything, your brain has a spasam! You not only grab the rope but you try to lasso him in.

You will never be successful dropping the rope, Magic, b/c you simple can't let it go. You can't have it both ways and expect it to work! Whenever you mention dropping the rope, you want to attach conditions to it. You are too busy looking to see if it's working........and it isn't b/c you aren't letting it go. Plus, you have to leave the rope laying dead in the sand and walk away! That's what you can't do.

I

Don't you get it? Having sex is his fun! . I guarantee you that he would not do a fun thing or even spend time with you.....if he thought there was no sex in it for him!

And I have to tell you, if I were you, I would be more than angry/resentful. I would be on the brink of vengence! Somehow, I would figure out some healthy way for me to get rid of it.......but for my sake, not b/c it fuels his fear! But hell yeah, he'd have fear.......of what I might do!!!!

I once read where most R's have one who is the giver and one the taker. When I was busted for my A by my daughter, she told me, "Mom, you know if Dad had ever done this, you wouldn't stand for it one second". And she was correct! I would have kicked him out so fast he couldn't breathe. And if he had told me to hit the road......I would have gotten my act together a lot faster. However, he was the taker in our R. He took the sh't I gave him. Just like you keep taking the crap xbf is giving.

First though...untie it from his leg (it helps with the "dropping" part).

I'll remind you again....

You DESERVE MORE, if he cannot give you more, it really is okay. It is HOW he feels and he is entitled to feel exactly they way he wants to, as are YOU. So...if you want more and he cannot give it. Wish him well (psstt...you do this with ACTIONS not words) and go about living your life.

Ever take a dog to the park on a leash? If so, did the leash ever get wrapped around a tree? Usually because to the dog is going round and round and round. If this has happened or if you can related.....what do you do to free the dog from the leash that is wrapped around the tree?


Pulling the leash....will result in a tighter grip around the tree...

BUT

If you let the leash go, it loosens it's grip on the tree, enabling the dog to be FREE and IF TRAINED right....COME BACK TO IT's OWNER. The key though is to DROP THE F*CKING ROPE.