Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Is OW just batsh!$ crazy?

Train, thanks (at this point I don't think I want H back but who knows with all these hormones going on)

I was an emotional wreck tonight as the place I booked S7 (almost 8) birthday party called to say someone made a mistake and the entire place is booked for a corporate event that day. I now have to find a new place (that has laser tag, as that's the only thing he cares about) and call all the people who rsvp'd AND those that didn't just to be sure :-( I had to change the date from Sunday to Tuesday and I will now have the twins with me.

I was crying when H came tonight to get the twins and explained the situation. I sent a text asking for a friends phone number to call and let them know the change and he asked what I figured out. I told him and he questioned who was babysitting the twins. I replied

"I will be fine with them, I have come to realize(accept) you aren't here to help/comfort/rely on and if I need to make plans when I am responsible for the twins then it's just something I have to figure out on my own no matter what that means. It's just the way my life is now"

Everyone, thank you. Your support is everything to me right now. I need to be reminded of the rules of pursuit/distance as H has me sucked right back into his game of responding immediately and to everything. GAH!!

He slipped and called me sweetie again tonight when asking why I was crying.

Only YOU can decide when you're done.

But if you've slipped back into responding to him on a whim, or melting when he calls you pet names, something tells me you're not done.

Seems to me, though, maybe you're confusing DBing with trying to portray extreme independence.

Relax a little, sister.

There are no genuine, fool-proof "strategies" here. I can't say I've been in your exact shoes. But I've been doggone close. For now, accept his offers of help. But try not to reach to him for comfort ... or complain to him about how hard this has been on you (even though it most certainly HAS ... and you certainly have EVERY reason to complain). Still, try not to make out like you're a martyr OR a SuperWoman. (I, for one, think you ARE SuperWoman.) He will SEE your struggles and pain ... and, eventually, your strength ... without you *telling* him, especially in the days (weeks?) ahead. Believe me. Whether or not he truly CARES? I don't know.

I don't know if your H is a quality person. I have doubts, right alongside you.

But I think YOU are a quality person. I think you have a beautiful future ahead of you, despite your well-earned fears and insecurities right now.

And with that being said, I'd say: let your H - the father of your unborn daughter - help YOU in the coming days/weeks. TRY to keep your expectations low (or, if possible, non-existent).

But know you ARE a SuperWoman to all who know you ... even those of us who haven't met you.

You will know your OWN strength soon enough. You're a superstar. Maybe you just don't know it yet.

try to think of husband as like an acquaintance at the grocery store...that is what he deserves to know right now

so would you tell an acquaintance that you have come to accept that you will just be doing xyz without them?

I was a single mom of two boys (12 months apart) for a good long while...

you can TOTALLY do everything...it's not easy or ideal or how we planned but it is do-able

Once you find that you can do it (and do it without resentment) you will see and know how much stronger you are.

it is a liberating feeling.

So H goes with me to a Dr appointment yesterday and the Dr is running WAY behind. I tell H he can leave and I will walk (would only take me 10 min toy walk home) or I will call my cousin for a ride as H picked me up. He looked very surprised and asked why I would say that.

I ended up going out in the hallway (office is in the hospital) and pacing as I just didn't want to be near H. I asked him to please come get me when they called my name.

Appointment was at 4:40 and we didn't leave the office till 7:30

H takes me home, takes out the trash asks me if I need anything else done and I said no. Told him to give the twins a kiss for me.

He sends a video of S2 dancing saying how cute he is and that S made him rewind tv to hear the music again.
I responded back saying they make me smile.
He comments that S is has more "moves" than he does. H doesn't dance!

I didn't respond....



Trying really hard not to fall into his traps.

Oh yea, had to undress from the waist down for exam..... first time I have undressed in front of H since he moved out. I felt so uncomfortable and self conscious.

If you are uncomfortable with him in the room with you during the exam, make him wait outside. Tell him, in no uncertain words, that this is not aimed at him but that you are just uncomfortable undressing in front of him and you would be able to be more calm if he would wait outside. He can come back in after the exam to talk with the doctor if he would like.

It's really getting to me that H sees me fat/pregnant and goes home to skinny OW. He sees me waddle everywhere and that is NOT sexy/attractive. Gah!

I almost don't want him to even see me at all anymore. I can't stand up without looking like an 80yr old, I waddle, and I am 25lbs heavier than usual........ oh and I cry at the drop of a hat even if I tell myself not to.

Contractions when H is around..... yea, so sexy NOT! seeing me cry in pain is not going to help with any attraction. I should just give up.

Who would any man pick...... it's not even close :-( feeling super down today.

Oh twin, please stop beating yourself up.

NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING, was more attractive to me than my W carrying my children. It represented complete dedication and willingness to jump into the complete unknown together as a team. A portrait of courage. Complete faith that we could tackle whatever came along.

Who would any man pick? I would pick a woman so willing to believe in our future as to subject herself to motherhood over any skinny chick anywhere anytime.

You only gained 25 lbs? I gained like 50! Plus I bet your boobs are way better than ow's right now. Put on a low cut top and work it!