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I know, Job. I will let the lender explain this to H because he would never believe me anyway. I have one more email into the lender asking if these specific repayment options are going to risk H's chance of refinancing. If not, then H has no other option.

WH

So I think I am back to square one. This lender was talking in circles. I was trying to get him to land. Between him and H I have a huge headache.

The lender at first told me we needed a payment schedule in the PMSA for the underwriter's review. When I again told him I was concerned how it would affect H's chance to refi, he finally told me yes, it could, because H is indeed skating on thin ice. His credit score is barely above 621 and is debt to income is almost 50%. Another debt would more than likely blow the deal. So the lender said there needs to be repayment terms or the $3000 needs to be completely removed (which I won't do) or we can word it that I get the money from the sale of the house (see what I mean, square one).

So I am telling my attorney to leave the language and let H attempt to refi and if he can't then it is on his head and he can't blame me. But don't think I am letting him off the hook of this $3000. I am trying to use my smarts. It does me no good if H cannot refi the house.

I have a huge headache. I am going home, buying some wine and paper mache-ing a pinata.

WH

WH,

No. You're not back to square one.



How so? How does that affect you? He can't refi the house. So be it. Then it will have go to a short sale and he'll have to give you half of the proceeds plus the $3,000 that he owes you.

Then you'll have it spelled out through your L that the house will need to be put up for a short sale if he cannot refi the house within the next 30-day period.

Just wait...just wait...I won't be surprised if the OW's father offers to take on the house's deed/mortgage.

H already said in court he will never short sale the house, he will just file bankruptcy. The mediator and my attorney told him if he could not refinance in 90 days then the house would go up for sale and H and H alone would be responsible for any shortfall. I thought his head was going to explode. He said he would file bankruptcy before he would agree to that.

I think I may have no other option than to go to trial.

Oy vey.

In other words my piñata is turning out nicely. Although it's a bit smaller than I hoped.

WH

So I told my attorney to leave the language regarding the $3000 as is. I don't think he is very happy with me, but I am at the point where I need to just pick my battles. He did however want to add language that states if H cannot refinance the house within 90 days it will be ordered up for sale and H will be responsible for the shortfall of the balance. AND he also added if there are not enough proceeds from the house to cover the $3000 he owes me, he will make payments to me on the balance with one year to pay with accrued interest. I think that is only fair and I don't think that should affect H's ability to refinance.

I told my attorney that I didn't want to be the cause of H's inability to refinance. Now the ball is in his court. He will probably refuse to sign it, but I have a right to make any changes as I see fit to protect myself.

Man I wish this was over.

WH

I don't know why, but I am feeling nervous. Sixth sense or paranoia? I am not sure which.

I told H I was willing to keep the language regarding the $3000 as the same, but I know my attorney wants to add language to protect me in the event H cannot refinance the house. I need that language, hands down, but I don't know how H will react and honestly I want this to be done. I am spent emotionally and mentally and financially.

I have been doing much soul searching and I know I suffer from depression/anxiety. I don't do things because I am nervous and scared. I could see myself becoming a hermit if I didn't have the kids. I have been so busy I have forgotten to take my anxiety meds and now I can tell a complete difference from when I do take them from when I don't. It kind of svcks to know there is really something wrong with me and I will need to take these meds for the rest of my life in order to keep myself calm. I often wonder if I had been proactive and accepted the fact I have anxiety issues and gotten on meds earlier if I could have saved my marriage.

I am not saying I was 100% at fault, but I do have to accept some responsibility. H wasn't happy. I was totally invested in the kids' lives and he came second. And I was stressed out all the time and could be sort of a b*tch. Who wants to come home to that, right? BUT he chose to take the coward's way out and have a back up plan before he could tell me he was done. And he lied from beginning to end about everything. If he was so done, what was he afraid of?

I often wonder if H is having an MLC, or if he was just done? We all know no matter what that something ain't right in his head. And it really doesn't matter because now this is about me and I can't fix H no matter what the problem really is. I wasn't happy either. Now let's see what I can do to fix it.

I have sold a few items on Craigslist. Not a lot, but it's a start. I also have some items on a garage sale site for my town. It's hard to sell because the sites are so flooded, but I guess persistence is key.

I started riding my bike again for the first time in about 30 years. It felt weird. Really weird, but yet exhilarating. I kinda feel silly on this bike but I suppose I just need to get used to it.

Finished one side of the paper mache pinata for D's birthday. It's gonna look awesome when it's finished. I wish I could post pictures to the forum. LOL. I also got a cool idea to paper mache over soda bottles and make rockets out of them with streamers under them. Sometimes these ideas come popping into my head and I get so excited I can't stand it.

Also in good news, I can pay off my washer and dryer and bring them home. No more laundromat. I hope I can find someone to help me unload and hook them up. The debt is being chiseled away little by little. And I am keeping my head above water. Once I have no legal fees to pay I should be doing much better, although I am wondering how I am gonna pay off this lawyer.

Just keep on keeping on I guess.

WH

So I dont think a deal will be made to finalize this chit by Thursday.

My attorney suggested language to the agreement to protect me that H left out and H refuses to add it. He claims his attorney says it is out of line, but I told him I wanted to see an email from his attorney giving the language she suggests. I have seen nothing yet.

H now says the underwriter will not approve his application to refinance since he received a "gift" to pay off his car. I was under the impression he refinanced the car, but that is not the case. He borrowed money from "someone" to pay off the car and yes, H was dumb enough to disclose that to me. The underwriter wants to see terms in his application on how he is supposed to pay back this "gift" or a letter than this is indeed a "gift" and doesn't need to be paid back. I don't know who would be dumb enough to "gift" H $12,000 for a car, but I guess there is one born every minute.

Right now I am just gonna sit back and wait. H is supposed to get language from his attorney and his refi is on hold. I think he has shot himself in the foot. But of course on Friday he freaked out at me and basically told me it was all my fault. I remained calm and told him, again, if he wanted to have conversations with me I would not accept that behavior from him. He calmed down and went on and on about how I did not understand what sacrifices he has made to keep "us" from going under. Number one, there is no "us" and number two, I do believe that I was one of those sacrifices. Sorry, no sympathy here.

That being said, I need to get off the loan for this house, but if H cannot refi then there is nothing I can do about it. We will have to sell the house which H says will "kill" the kids. Hmmm...he wasn't too concerned about the kids when he kicked their mother out of their home and forced them to spend time with another woman.

I think reality is coming in swiftly for H. As long as I don't get caught it the crossfire I am fine with it. I am just trying to let God handle it. It ain't gonna be a pretty picture though.

WH

PS he also claimed that my attorney was the most unethical POS that he has ever had the displeasure to have known. Project much?

WH

As far as the car "loan", this is just a simple piece of paper for the mortgage lenders - they often ask for something similar when family gives you some of the down on a house, they want paper to prove that you don't owe that money. Anyone dumb enough to lend money to your H is probably dumb enough to sign a paper saying it was a "gift", so no worries there.

What exactly is the other wording that H objects to? (And, good job asking for a copy of the communication from his lawyer objecting to it - I bet it doesn't exist. Heck, maybe his lawyer doesn't even exist.)

And btw, have you suggested to H that maybe if he would get a girlfriend who is gainfully employed, he wouldn't have any difficulty keeping the house ? lol