Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers My WAW story

Use that as your hope! You fell out of love with your wife, but fell back in love. Your wife can do the same thing. But remember, it took you a year and a half to do so. It may that that long for her as well. However, it can, and does happen.

Thanks for the encouagement. I know I will make it to the other side of whatever happens. Just need the time to be able to accept that and move forward. Its coming just slowly rolling, uphill I think lol!

Yea, you will hear a lot here that time is your friend. While that may be true, time will also tick very slowly, especially in the beginning. As much as we want to just fix this and get it over with it just does not happen that way. You will have to have more patience than you ever thought you had in you, and then some.

When you get down like it seems you are now, go find some older threads on this forum. Find the ones that are 6 months old or older. Then read them. Then find another and do the same. Keep doing this. You will get an great insight as to what is to come, as well as what you may be faced with. You will also gain a lot of hope as you read success stories. Not all of them are, but focus on the ones that are, and try and emulate what went right for them. If nothing else, it will occupy your time in probably the most productive way you can working towards your goal of getting your W back.

You've been very vague as to what problems you had in your M. Can you give us more info?

Most of our problems stem from our communication lack of. I was abusive to her verbally, I can get scary mad I think you would say. We both tried to sweep under the rug, not confront anything. W is in grad school, not a problem, but time and money are always issues. Lack of trust, and intimacy, very big. I hid a pornography addiction and chewing tobacco addiction. The chewing tobacco, I would quit and then start again, trying to hide starting again. Really just tons of stress, W has Arthritis very bad, she is only 28. A lot of depression stems from that. I think there is also some post partum depression from birth I think.

We both had rough childhoods, suffer from some issues from that. More than anything lack of communication skills. Neither of us knows how to deal with the issues we had. This has led her to tell her friends her side, and of course, I am not worth it. My snooping episode from a few weeks ago really put a damper on my efforts, no trust. But I did listen, and get my own bank account phone account, and just stay out of everything. I just hope not to late.

If need more explanation let me know.

I got busted for the chewing at her grandpas funeral one time as well. This is probably the biggest mistake. She never forgave for this. I could tell she had some deep contempment for this. The last 2 years have been full of anger both ways. She is also in an EA.

" I was abusive to her verbally, I can get scary mad I think you would say. We both tried to sweep under the rug, not confront anything."

YOU swept it under a rug. She was probably just afraid to bring it up.

All I've seen is you complain about the OM. But from what you described you did to her, I can understand her POV. I mean, how have you actually changed? I don't see much of that in your writings.

The one thing that has changed is my level of what and who I am, and what I did and why. I realize what I did and why, and feel terrible, not for W leaving, but for how she feels. I hurt the W more than I ever imagined, and it's killing me. Now I need to focus on me, and letting go even more. I found out what I want as far as values and morals, and what I was doing wasn't it. And yes I know I drove her to OM, my part was just as much as hers. I have been trying to out myself in her shoes on this, and it has helped to see her POV. I still have a long way to go though.

The one thing that has changed is my level of what and who I am, and what I did and why. I realize what I did and why, and feel terrible, not for W leaving, but for how she feels. I hurt the W more than I ever imagined, and it's killing me. Now I need to focus on me, and letting go even more. I found out what I want as far as values and morals, and what I was doing wasn't it. And yes I know I drove her to OM, my part was just as much as hers. I have been trying to out myself in her shoes on this, and it has helped to see her POV. I still have a long way to go though.

For my part in all of this, I was depressed, angry, and just not right. I felt worthless, not good enough for her, and didn't think the W really loved me for me. I see that all of that was me and my feelings, mind reading and just down. The biggest thing I have tried to change is that. I feel better, not so depressed, not so worthless, and better equipped to handle every day life. I am down right now, and find it easy to float back and forth between being that way and positive. It is getting easier to see positive, but the feelings for the W are coming back in drives and what do with those is very hard at this point. I have read and skimmed over DR numerous times. Trying get a handle on my feelings. The more time passes the better I get. I know will take lots of time. Hopefully I can proceed to a better place for me.