Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Hi I'm new, I hope I won't be a burden on you guys

Im on the chapter where it talks about the butterfly effect.. its difficult to read as shes home when I am and I dont want her seeing me read the book.

I dont know if I should sell my car that I totally love to get another car me and her are going to share, the thing is ive told her that she has to cover her insurance part as we dont know whats going to happen. So after we get the car she'll probably drive it for a month and then if she asks for a divorce it means she looses out on a grand.

Shes a fool why dont she just stay with me? Why is she so loving.. she has sex and hugs me and is always so cool with me.. we are enjoying our company but she still wants to end it.. I understand that I hurt her but now we are fine why do it?

Honestly from what ive said what do you guys think most likely to happen?

My crystal balls busted, I'm sorry! Lol
Think positive I guess, but protect your self in the event of disaster.

You need to finish those books to understand the advice you'll be given. You need to focus on yourself.

As for the car, can you afford all payments by yourself: loan, insurance, registration, servicing, etc? Would you be comfortable financially if you lived by yourself with a new car?

I'll be fine, car will be baught out full payment up front, insurance is fine and yeah I'll be able to maintain and run it.

I know how to service a car so I'd do that myself to be honest I have a bigger engine sized car atm so it should be easier if anything.

So should I get it? Would it give her more reasons to stay?

Forget about reasons for her to stay right now. Forget it. Throw it out of your mind. Toss it in the trash. Run over it with your car. Whatever you need to do to forget about making her stay. This is about YOU. Who YOU are, what YOU want, what YOU can improve about YOU. Right now your wife doesn't know if YOU are someone she wants to spend her life with. Your job is to be a better YOU, for YOU, and not for your wife. Hopefully, your wife chooses to share her life with yours but ultimately, there is only YOU.

Now, I can not help YOU with YOUR decisions. That is for YOU to decide. What I can do, and MrBond has done, is to try and get YOU to focus on YOU.

Do YOU want the car? Not for her, not for your marriage, but for YOU. You've said that YOU can handle the bills for the car so that's a good start. Can YOU afford to live if you were single AND had the new car?

Now, as for her, actions speak louder than words. My wife and I have been separated for seven months and yet we're still under one roof. No intimacy or even touching but we're under one roof. She could leave and she hasn't. She could choose to divorce and she hasn't. Is your wife packing her bags? Enjoying your company and maintaining your sex life doesn't sound like much action from her end. Another saying you'll hear is to "keep the path home paved and smooth". That means to get your sh!t together, leave her to sort out her own mind and affairs and be the best YOU that YOU can be - attentive, caring, sympathetic, understanding... but an individual who is strong, independent and in charge of his OWN life.

Did you REALLY read my post to you? I gave you 40 SPECIFIC pieces of advice and you have not mentioned a single part of it.

I know you're hurt but if you can't focus enough to read those^^, you're not going to get anywhere.

Again, look at the "Rules" and finish the book.

Also, surely if your w is in the mental health field she knows there are resources available for her to make use of. She has issues to work on

So do you. Stop living in FEAR and start the "WORK" part of this. That means changing.

Not just saying "I can't do that" or '"I'm not like that"....

if you remain exactly as you are, your dynamic won't change and that means the marriage won't change.

Spouses who have doubts or who want out, only come back IF THEY BELIEVE

the marriage can be different/better, than before. How are you showing her that?

I did read your post and I have those rules saved on my phone, I had them like a month and a half ago.

I feel im too weak and I feel like as if if I do shout at her or something she will go. Ah its so hard to explain.

I just want to be happy.. i do all my best to make use of the advice everyone gives me trust me I do. Ive started doing my own activities and also GALLing as well but I feel like with the GAL shes going to say I havnt changed.

Im going to get the car and shes been very close to me.. if im being honest the difference I see now and before is a big difference.. I told her shes most likely going to stay with me because I dont think shes that heartless enough to ruin my life and she said but what do you think the reasons im going to stay are they going to be good.. I said no but thats where I come in.. she said I just hope I dont crack like I did again in a few years I dont want to keep going round in circles...

So what are your GAL activities?

Barrys trying to catch me out lol.

I played ps3 and I also did some house work.. and she still complained about the house work saying I told you to do it 2 weeks ago... on top of that I read books on my phone which she complains saying how im always on my phone.. damn

It's not about catching you out. It's about focusing on yourself. Honestly, you appear to have a very difficult time doing that and in responding you've mentioned how she feels about what you do.

PS3, housework and reading is a start. What do you do outside of the house? Do you have friends? Do you play sport? Do you have hobbies? Is there something you would like to do that you haven't tried yet?

Challenge: Answer these questions WITHOUT mentioning your wife.