Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers KGirl - Movin' On and Out!

That is what I was leaning towards... it's hard for me, though, because I'm a pretty frugal person and find it hard to buy things unless I know I will get a lot of use or enjoyment out of them. The uncertainty of what might be makes it hard to move forward on things. But, you're right, it can always be sold or used somewhere in the house if it comes to that (and if that was the outcome I probably wouldn't give two hoots about extra furniture because I'd be rebuilding our M!)

I think I was being too hard on myself a few days ago with not wanting to go out and do anything, thinking about cancelling my vacation, etc. I felt like I should be over this, it's been 6 months.. but really it's only been a couple of days that we've actually been physically separated. Add to that moving to a new place and unpacking everything, plus having to buy new things because of the ones that were left w/ H, and it's perfectly normal to be a little down. I go back to work tomorrow so that will re-establish some routine.

On an amusing note - I drove to the house today while H was at work to drop off some reuseable totes I had borrowed for moving. When I moved, I took the spring/summer wreath for the front door, and left him the fall/winter wreath (made up of red berry/crab apple-type things.) So what do I see when I pull up? H put up the fall/winter wreath on the front door. HA! Hope, if you read this, it reminded me of your H baking a cake when he doesn't like cake so that it seems more like home. The front yard really needs some things taken care of, like the iris blooms cut off, but I guess it's not my place to remind him and just let him take care of it.

GB: "I hope you reconcile with your h if that's what you truly want."

This idea came up in IC yesterday, and I'm still struggling with how I feel about it. My IC said something like "is it possible that maybe this could be a good thing, and could allow you to find someone else that does meet your needs? And have a better relationship than you could have with H?" I know it's good for him to challenge me but I haven't quite gotten to thinking more seriously about that/if this is truly what I want. I mean, could there be someone out there that's "better?" Probably, yeah. But if you're always looking for what's better, you'll never stop looking. There has to be a point where you say "this is pretty good, let's stop here." I thought that's where I was at w/ my H after 7ish years of dating when we got engaged. I don't think I want to reconcile if it means H is exactly the same as he was before. But I think I would if he also grew through this process, learned more about understanding other people's needs and meeting them, etc. I just feel like I made this commitment, and I don't want to toss it just because there may be something better out there. My IC is also pushing for me to set a timeline of how long I want to live like this: "What if he never takes action? How long is it OK for you to wait? 6 months? a year? 2 years?" I mean, H outright said that his MO is just to wait for me to take care of things 'cause he knows I will eventually. I honestly hope it will just come to me over time without having to set a deadline.

Haha! I immediately thought of my H and his cake-baking when I read this.

But maybe, just maybe when you find what truly fits, that sweet spot, you stop searching or trying to change others to be what you need.

You have "it" inside of you and what you get from others is just icing on the cake.

Something's been weighing on me since I moved. I didn't say anything to H before leaving about still wanting to be M, that me moving out doesn't mean I gave up, etc. I assumed that since I had said that all before, that he already knew it and me saying it again would be pursuing. But, making assumptions is a dangerous thing - he could very well think that me moving means I'm done, no turning back. I'm wondering if I should send him an email saying how I feel... but I'm not sure how to say it. I don't want to make it sound like I'll be here waiting indefinitely, but let him know that I'm still very open to reconciling if things change with him. I kinda felt like I left the ball in his court, but again, that's under an assumption that what I had said weeks or months ago is still how I feel and that he knows I haven't changed how I feel... maybe being clear would be better. *sigh*. Not sure what to do.

I've been told if they really wanted to r with you they know how to find you and how to ask. If they (in my case) can chase and ow they do really know how to chase you and how to make the right noises to get your attention.

I struggled with the same thing Kgirl. Do not say anything. In my case, I basically forced the S with my WAW and the last thing I told her was basically I was done and I would give her the divorce she wanted. Sandi said some things that made a lot of sense, and are in line with what Ggrass said. Your S knows you, and knows that if they really wanted to work on a R, how to get in touch with you about it. One of the best things you can do, or so I have been told, is make your S think you are truly done. This is what you have done.

Best of luck to you.

I've thought about this, too. If he thinks I've moved on, then he would be too stubborn and prideful to ever reach out to reconcile if he wanted to.

But then I thought: Hmmm... doesn't sound like a partner I would really want, anyways. I want someone who wouldn't be afraid to show vulnerability or take a risk with me. (That would be one of HIS 180s!)

I think this is a tough one for all of us.

According to DR... the LRT... you need to make your spouse think you have had an awakening and you are going to move on with your life with or without them.

KGirl,

Hope you are enjoying your new place. Your h knows exactly how to reach you and I sense that you worry (because he's stubborn) thst he wouldn't make the effort to try to reconcile. Think about that statement. You also said you are open to R if he gets his act together. Think about that statement.

Hang in there !