Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis choosing door #2 - next part in my journey

Hi TL. I saw this and I think to myself, that is a very healthy approach. The grieving takes a bit out of us, but that sentence there makes me think it will be worth it for people like you. You are very strong and smart about things. Just know that doesn't stop it from hurting. It just means you're right - it won't last forever

Peace,
AJ

thanks AJM, true it does not stop it from hurting, I still hurt daily. I just hope that one day I don't.I suppose on some level it will always hurt, the reminders or triggers, I just don't want to go through the rest of my life never feeling love again. Right now I don't even feel capable. So best to try and stay positive and practice self care.

TL-

You are exactly right on what you are thinking. Everyday, sometimes every moment is full of hurt; but we have to keep on going. Our H/W has given us the beauty of rediscovering ourselves. I have realized that I can do whatever I want right now H will find fault with all I do. So I am having fun GAL, and chuckling when he gets upset.

We are here for you. Post often. It does help to get those feelings out.

Thank you scooby exH came over today to drop off the copy of dissolution papers he forgot last time and the last check for health insurance. I have no reason to contact him anymore so I will not. We'll see if ever chooses to contact me. If not then I guess it's meant to be that way.

exH texted me last night to say something about Game of Thrones during the episode. I was thrown off that he texted me out of the blue without reason - he has not texted me or talked to me without reason since BD. I did respond to be friendly, he sent me 2 more texts and I replied once, just keeping it friendly. I was thinking to myself "how do I feel about this" i was not happy or sad about it, a little surprised because I thought he would be a vanisher now that he's paid up and things are separated out. I'm not expecting anything, I know it is still way too early in my sitch for any progress, just found it interesting.

Think of this, TL. Now that everything is over and done, he no longer has any reason to feel ANY pressure. I read that the MLC isn't running FROM us but from the pain and pressure they "feel" (even if we don't see how we cause them to feel ANY pressure doesn't mean their messed up brains don't feel it)and now, there's nothing he can see as "pressure" from you. You have been able to detach and leave him be (great job by the way)and the last things are now gone. Hopefully now he will start to see when he still doesn't "feel" happy or better he will at least start to come to terms with the fact that you never were the cause but that will take a great deal of time. But maybe, just maybe he can to begin to understand.

It seems like many MLCers just can't start to come to terms with the fact that their S isn't the thing that caused this until they cut EVERY tie. (my wife is going in that direction, seemingly unable to admit it isn't her M as long as there is still any tie, no matter how much "space" I give her)maybe now he can at least begin to see this.

In the meantime, keep GALing, act "as if' he will never come back, work on you. Hang in there TL! we're all on your side!

TL, I agree with 'whytry'. You are something else! You sound terrific!

I've been away for a while - haven't had much time to be here, but I did catch up on all your posts and you're doing marvelously. I just had a difficult day today - see my post if you dare - it's pretty sad. Was asking for feed back, but now I'm not sure if there is any to be given. It's more of a journal entry. Oh well..

Ya, I concur with your lament about maintaining the house and yard - not having a truck to haul stuff, not having the ability to do things in a timely manner...Seems like yard and house work are not conducive to GALing some weekends. But we'll get it done.

About the re-fi. It's not that difficult. The loan officer will walk you through everything - I re-fied 'our' house and the rental property we had in to my name. As long as you have a decent income it shouldn't been a problem. If you have any questions I'll try and answer them the best to my knowledge. I've done this so many times!

Well, I just wanted to stop in and say hello. Again, you are such an inspiration to so many of us. Hang in there my friend and know I'm thinking of you. Lots of hugs to you, too!

((())))

thanks so much for your responses. Matt what you said actually feels right - once he cut the ties now he can see that it wasn't ME that was causing all his freakin' problems at all. At least I hope he will see that. Tboned, thanks for encouragement, I need it. It is the last thing I have to do to finish this so I will just jump in and finish it.
OK - exH just texted again out of the blue with "survive the night?" we had a lot of thunderstorms last night. Again this is unexpected. I have not responded yet. I think i'll wait an hour and then respond with something simple like "yes, thank you". I don't want to feel like i'm playing games here, but I was just getting used to him not ever contacting me and then I get texts Sunday night and again today. Playing with my head.

TL, the things happen when you expect them least. You exH went through D so fast, that he didn’t have time to feel much. I think now it is finally hitting him, what he did. He is used to have you in his life. After so many years together I think he still has a lot of emotional attachment to you. He probably just started to realize this.

I will not be surprised that he will continue to text you and even invite you for coffee or something. I would not have any expectations though. You are doing great. Let him believe that you are moving on with your life.

Thanks Bright - that makes sense. Definitely no expectations and I am not making first contact. He knows where I am and I AM moving on with my life. Yesterday I had a call back on my mammogram results, that never happened to me before, I was quite concerned. I went today and got the all clear, just a cyst and apparently normal. Got me thinking though, that I was prepared to learn bad news on my own because he's gone. He's not coming back, I have to be strong and put my big girl panties on and confront things head on and take care of them. Car was in for major repairs last week, I was able to just take care of it. In a way it makes me realize that I can take care of things and life goes on. Stuff is gonna happen and I have to depend on myself and my family and you guys of course are a great support system. Tonight is my last divorce group session, when I look back at when I first started 6 weeks ago, I have made loads of progress. I am so grateful.