You say you fell out of love with your wife. How does that happen? Im facinated by how that hapoens. Mine stopped loving me too. May be you can help me understand and I could get some closure.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
That was a rough welcome! You did come out of the gate like a tiger, but still!
I read lots of anger, resentment and frustration, but I don't buy that you are done. If you were done, you wouldn't be posting here -- why would you? My wife is done, and she has no interest at all in what I'm doing, nor pondering what went wrong, she's simply moved on.
If you're done, why haven't you moved on?
The way you write comes across as someone trying to convince themselves that they are done because you feel helpless and don't see a way forward.
It definitely reads like your wife gave you a rough run of things. If she withheld sex for 5 years like you say, then she should not be surprised at all that you would leave -- that's cruel and unusual punishment!
Why did she do that?
I assume you talked about it -- what did she say? How did she explain her choices? That's a pretty major problem.
Let's do this though -- let's assume that we accept your version of things 100%, you were married to an incredibly selfish "taker" who wrung you out, emotionally abused you, and left you out to dry.
What now?
Questions to ask:
1) Why would you tolerate a relationship like that? What about you said that it was okay?
2) What did you do to try to improve it? Why didn't it work?
3) What have you learned about yourself through this process such that you can avoid getting involved with another total witch?
We tend to be attracted to people who abuse us in familiar ways. There is something about this treatment that drew you in -- what was it?
Why did you stay with it?
In my case, I am attracted to women who make me work hard for their affection and approval. That's how I grew up, I had to earn the love I got. I ended up marrying a woman who did not love me and spent the next 20 years trying to get what she was not willing to give.
That's what I need to figure out, how do I avoid that next time around? What work do I need to do on me so that I'm not fooling myself again? How can I get into a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship and feel good about it?
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I agree, mine walked without a back wards glance. How can they? Why do they find it so easy?
He said just the other day I loved to much invested too much $ your nasty, never coming back. I had hardly even opened my mouth. The insults kept coming. Sish sigh. I'm human. Totally. unlike him who is perfect even having an affair. Yeah.
Last edited by Ggrass; 06/07/1408:34 AM.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Ggrass, I'm the one leaving because I couldn't stay. W says she loved with everything and maybe for her it was. I don't know anymore. I'm hollow. I just got to the end of my rope and lost faith. She thought I had affairs, I didn't. She said I was cold and distant, maybe, but truthfully I think that was the result of years of being pushed away.
Rick. It ain't easy. It takes years and years and years. I fell in love with w the day I met her. And for a good amount of time that love was very deep. But after marriage w stopped being w. She changed. And the changes weren't good. And the changes weren't easy to see, they were small and slow but they were there. And after 17 years she wasn't the person I feel in love with. No before everyone jumps in with "isn't change part of life and growth". Yes of course it is. But her changes weren't with the m. She didn't grow with me as a couple. I don't really know how to explain. Sorry .
Mine accused me on 4 separate occasions in one year alone of having an affair!
He found a number for a bloke, who did electronics repairs in my car. I forgotten I had it,I was having a full on affair with the man! It was so often I ended up saying to him, the only person I ever had accuse me of an affair was having lots themmselves, so who is she if your thinking of affairs?
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
unlike him who is perfect even having an affair. Yeah.