You're effectively showing them that another person can ruin your life, and that is NOT true ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This...Please listen to this, Matt. Don't take the victim approach. I always say the people who play the victim card in life are on an autorenewal plan.
Show your girls that life throws us curveballs. Yes, I know you are hurt and angry. That is completely understandable. Don't let it consume you. Focus and put one foot in front of the other (That's a song from the Patridge Family -I just realized and am singing). You CAN do this and come out better and stronger.
Focus. Don't take the bait. You've got this:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I agree Wonka! And good morning! After re-reading my post, it sounds angrier than I felt. Really? B/c to me, You sound extremely angry, so much so that you are almost paralyzed by the anger.
My W is acting so very odd. More than usual. She told me last night that I should stop and see her grandmother at the new asst living place she moved to. This ^^ was actually her including you in her family's lives. It was a gesture of kindness. Your anger is blurring your vision and perception of ALL the things your w says or does. Try not to let it blind you.
I'm sorry but I'm a little busy trying to find a way to live! She comes in and sits down next to me when she avoided doing that for last year and actually touched me while speaking to me. Now that I don't want to talk to her, she wants to talk to me. She wants to refinance the car but at this point she isn't allowed to by the rules in her own D petition. ^^^^ Still all about your evil crazy wife, and not about what YOU are doing to help your d's or yourself... She is being overly nice to our D when she should be telling her she is leaving.
^^ Nonsense. This is your bitterness talking (again). You are not thinking of your d now. Your wife being "overly nice" to her is the opposite of what you said she's been doing. I'd say "THANK GOD" she is being kind to her.
No matter what, it seems you want to be angry at your w, and that's something a lot of LBS h's do here. Until they realize who they are hurting most with all their anger...
I am more calm than before. I feel only dislike for her and see her for what she is, a scared child. I'm ready to just let her go.
Then do it. Detach for real. Turn it over to God and keep going. She knows how to reach you if she wakes up or gets better.
From your description, your w has had psychological scars for awhile now, and she struggled mightily with depression for a long time. I think these are the acts of a desperate, long suffering woman. If you cannot feel compassion for her, step out of the way and feel some for your d's.
The only thing keeping me from wanting her to go is the fact that I needed her income to help live until I made more money and I realized this is the biggest reason I didn't want her to go. That's not good.
If your wife had said this^^, you would say she is a selfish user. At least now you are being honest. I'm a bit surprised at how she's been able to keep down a good paying job while feeling so depressed at home. Do you now think you might have enabled a lot of this by ignoring her depression, because after all, she was earning a good income? Any reflections on that?
Anyhow, back to YOU and your d's...
will find my way now and I will get the money I need. I must for the sake of my D's!!
If you have earned 6 figures before, then paying for gas won't be a problem for you much longer. If you have to put your pride aside for a few months to pay for gas, or if you need to get a second job so your d CAN attend the school you sure seem to think is crucial to her happiness, then just do it.
Stop acting like a helpless victim. Stop all the focus on your w and the content blame game and historical revisions (how every choice you made was because of your w and you were a perfect h, etc. It's not helping you and in fact it keeps you from looking within yourself, where the real journey is).
Start by becoming the father your d's need.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I didn't talk to my daughter guys, didn't think it was a good idea after the cat died and it was late. I'm not going to go into ANY details about anything with my 14 year old daughter! First, I didn't file, my W did. I didn't leave, her mother is. There is no need to place blame on her. By the way, my D is 14, not 4. She knows what is going on a lot more than you guys seem to think. She DOES need to know her mother is getting ready to sign a lease (yes, I know this it's not mind reading) and wants to split custody. It's going to happen. Would it be better to just wait until her mom starts packing and telling her then? Besides, my D is going to have to make a choice about where she wants to live. After talking to the L, the way my W stated she wanted to do it (7 days, 7 days) isn't going to work as my W is moving too far away. If we lived in same school district at least, that might have worked, not more than 20 miles away. She needs to know what is coming and what is coming is her parents are going to no longer live together or be married and she will have to decide where she wants to live most of the time. I am not going to lie to her and say things that aren't true, good or bad about her mom. If her mother hadn't been so wanting to hide everything from her she probably would have a better handle on what was coming but that was her choice. I happen to think she is entitled to know that her life is going to change in a big way and have time to prepare for that change, not wait until it's here and say "So, where do you want to live and you have to decide today".
Ignoring her depression at home? She WASN'T earning a good living for any of that time! It was all any of us could think about because she was always either too tired to move OR screaming and at times hitting the girls. (I had to pull her away several times when she lost her temper with my oldest). I SHOULD have ignored her depression instead of trying so hard to help her out of it. Trying different AD drugs (I would go to dr with her when the drugs she was taking weren't working), constantly trying to read the latest on how to best treat loved ones with depression. I have stood by her through so much of her "psychological scars" and the damage it did to not just her but my kids as well. Until you live with a depressed person who talks about not wanting to live. Until you have to wake up every day wondering if she will function you have no idea what it's like. You are so far off base here it's unbelieveable!
Sorry but when after she DIDN'T work for 15 years, had been back at work for less than 4 years, we talk and come to the decision that she wants me to go do the start up KNOWING I will NEED her income for it to work and 3 months later tells me she wants a D, my "compassion" is waning a bit! She has only worked for about 4 years. Only since I started at this new business has my income been less than hers. I don't have compassion when without warning or even telling me, she stops putting money in the joint acct. and I still keep paying the bills and then tells me too bad, that was your $200 in fees, I'm not contributing at all. By the way SHE refused to say she needed help anymore for depression. I TRIED to help her. I didn't NEED her "good income" thanks as I had kept my family going for 15 years without it!
How dare you even say I ignored her depression? And it took me until now, after all the crap she has said and done to get to the point where I felt that my needing her income is what's holding me back from just saying "GO if that's what you want!" A selfish user? I asked her if she was willing to forgo a bigger income, if it was alright with her if we lived for the first time in 15 years off our savings (10-1 put there by me over the years) and only her income for THE FIRST TIME IN 15 YEARS, 25! The idea is over time this company can make US a lot more money than 6 figures a year and that it would be worth the sacrifice.
Yes I have a reflection on this, YOU ARE WAY OFF BASE! All about my crazy W? It was not a gesture of kindness, my anger is not blurring my vision. I told you what I was doing to help my D and myself, I wasn't angry I just don't give a damn any more and you making assumptions like I IGNORED her depression because of her income is so off the mark!
Constant blame game? You have no earthly idea what you are saying. You have no idea what the last 7 years have been like let alone the last year. Nothing I said is untrue, why is it so hard for you to think that a man can actually be a good father and husband? That someone who has "psychological scars" actually acted and is acting exactly as I have described. In fact since before we were married (20 years ago) I had to deal with some issues that came from her scars. She has trust issues, she had the issues with her dad forever but until recently they were that he doesn't care, now he can do no wrong. I have been there for her through times most people would have turned and ran. Before we were married she would just start acting crazy. Wanting to argue for no reason, start freaking out over nothing. I realized she was doing this because she wanted to make sure she could trust me, See how I would react, with love and compassion or with anger back at her. I reacted with love and compassion.This is why I was the first person she ever was with that she didn't end things when they started to get to the point where the other person wanted a commitment.
On to how she acted with my D.. even my D was taken aback by how she was acting. Not normal OK. I have told her she needs to talk to her and let her know what is coming. That she really needs to hear from both of us and my W refuses to actually do it.
Look, I understand that you think I must have done a lot more than I have talked about here to get my M to where it is but I am being totally honest with you. My W had stopped taking AD's about a year after going back to work. 6 months after B-day she starts freaking out and saying she is having a Nervous breakdown and ends up going to dr. He puts her back on AD's and says HE told her that she only needs them because she is in a "bad marriage" and that soon as she moves out and gets a place of her own, he can take her off of them! How do you deal with that?
Do you think I should be nice to her after all she has done the last year? Do you think it would be better if I said how much I love and how much compassion I have for the woman who makes promise after promise and does the opposite and then claims she didn't "lie" she just "changed her mind". The person who can't say how but "knows' I'm to blame for her being unhappy because she's tried everything else and none of that worked so.....
I really don't think you know how off the mark the Ignore her depression because of her income is! If my marriage was a business contract and the other person promised what she did and then "changed her mind" but can't give a reason, they would be committing fraud. I had so much compassion it blinded me to who she was becoming. I trusted her and she let me down after years and years of me NOT letting HER down. You have no idea what I have done to help her. What I gave up for ME so she could have what she wanted! If anything she got too much attention. It was too much about her! I have made ZERO historical revisions! Nor was I perfect. Think what you want but that is a fact.
I know you are trying to help and use assumptions based on what you have seen in the past from your sitch or others. Just think about the examples I given. How many people do you know who have had just the things with my FIL happen in their M? Not to mention all the crazy stuff that my W has said and done with the girls.
I actually WASN'T angry last night. I actually looked at her and felt for the first time, nothing. No anger, no love, no hate, just felt like I don't know this person and I just don't care. Much better than the pain I have been feeling. If that's not "detaching" nothing is and it was real. I really didn't care for the first time if she walked out the door and didn't come back. Not because of anger but just because I don't know who she is anymore. I thought maybe if she goes she can figure out who she is again and maybe my REAL W can reappear.But the person I saw in front of me...they can go and never return!
Georgia, MLC25 was wrong. I DIDN'T speak to my D! I don't know why she thought I did, I guess it was how I worded it but all I said was I didn't talk to "her', her was my daughter! Please, I will never say any of those things to my D, not EVER. It was my W I spoke with about the petition, NOT MY D! And I agree, if I had said that to my D I'd be saying the same things you are! My goodness, none of that would be appropriate! Sorry if I confused you. I THOUGHT it was clear, my bad I guess.
Do you have someplace u can go for the weekend just for a lil break alone time. Can W take care of or D's alone for a couple days.
Take a break from it all have some fun or just get some rest.
If u can don't evev think about anything don't even post here. Give urself a break
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
I SHOULD have ignored her depression instead of trying so hard to help her out of it. Trying different AD drugs (I would go to dr with her when the drugs she was taking weren't working), constantly trying to read the latest on how to best treat loved ones with depression. I have stood by her through so much of her "psychological scars" and the damage it did to not just her but my kids as well. Until you live with a depressed person who talks about not wanting to live. Until you have to wake up every day wondering if she will function you have no idea what it's like.
Please don't start thinking you should have done something different, Matt. You did what you could with the information and upbringing you had. Nothing less. Don't start re-evaluating if you should or not.
It's not uncommon on these boards for people to do the same as you describe. Many were planning long-range with their spouse when they got BD, at the spouse's insistence. It's like they live in two worlds - the present and the fantasy world.
Don't beat yourself up about it.
Personally, I think you took a lot of feedback and I think you are one of those people that puts a lot of thought into your next move. When it comes to your D, you are the parent on the ground (so to speak). You know how to handle that best. Trust yourself. Take the feedback, but trust yourself. People here don't know the situation or what you've been through as well you do. Nor do they have to live with what you do next.
We can however point out the things we've learned and how we see things. It's worth looking at.
I feel for ya. You gave it your best. You're in a tough spot. Seen worse, but that's a tough spot to be sure.
Best of luck to you ya. I think you know it'll work out well for you. At some point (maybe now?) you may be wondering why you stayed all through the past years. Be sure you're solid on why you did. It'll matter later that you understand.
And you know this, but - not all problems are yours to solve, Matt.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
You know, Matt, here's the thing about all of this. It's a process - with its own timeframe. You cant rush it along. You have to go through all the steps to come out the other side.
The way I tried to see this was an opportunity for growth. I got to look within and figure out who I wanted to be. I got to figure out what I wanted my life to look like.
Along the way, I had to do some other stuff. I had to grieve my marriage as I knew it. I had to go through all the steps...disbelief, anger, sadness, etc.
The thing I learned is that you need to feel it all. But you dont want to get stuck in any one part - particularly the anger part. Because if you do, it saps your energy and weighs you down.
Now, I am not saying you shouldnt feel angry. I am just saying you dont want to live there. It doesnt serve you well.
You should use it to propel you forward, then, when you can, let it wash over you and let it go.
So, the sooner you start letting go of trying to figure out why your w is acting as she is and blaming her father, the quicker you get to where you need to be.
These are the things that are important: Own your stuff, but only yours, figure out who you want to be, let go of what happened in the past, understand that you did the best you could with the knowledge and tools you had at the time.
The focus now has to be on you and your daughters. You keep putting it back on her and her father. That makes you go round and round. That is energy better spent on you and your kids.
I know all of this is hard to get your mind around. I do. But sometimes you have to just accept what is and try to remember that you will not always feel the way you do today.
I understand that you feel your daughter needs to know what is going on. I just want to say this about that. It is best to keep it simple and loving. There should be no blame or finger pointing. Here's why. That is her mother. You want her to continue to have a relationship with her. While it is theirs to forge, your job is to do no harm to it.
This is tough, tough stuff. But you will get through it.
You get to decide how you do. The only thing you have control over is how you act. And it matters, Matt.
Matt, you sound so angry that it's hard to help you, b/c you get angry at those of us trying to help you. Try not to to that.
Originally Posted By: Matt165
I didn't talk to my daughter guys, didn't think it was a good idea after the cat died and it was late. I'm not going to go into ANY details about anything with my 14 year old daughter! Good, b/c you claimed that your wife "should" be telling her all this and you also said something ambiguously, which is why I ASKED you whom you were referring to.
First, I didn't file, my W did. I didn't leave, her mother is. There is no need to place blame on her. By the way, my D is 14, not 4. She knows what is going on a lot more than you guys seem to think. Hence NO need for you to tell her or for your wife to give her side to things. It won't help your d.
She DOES need to know her mother is getting ready to sign a lease (yes, I know this it's not mind reading) and wants to split custody. It's going to happen. Would it be better to just wait until her mom starts packing and telling her then? So, on one hand you just said your d KNOWS what's going on and you are not the person who should tell her, your wife is. THEN you say "she DOES need to know"...and so, what is it you are actually wanting to do? Besides, my D is going to have to make a choice about where she wants to live.
Then be the type of parent she'll choose, and leave it at that. Are you worried she won't choose to live with you? B/C frankly, if she can choose, and if you are the rock, what is your specific FEAR about all this? You said your d knows your wife is leaving, (maybe they have even said a few things about it) but if not, then isn't it your job to reassure your d that she can be with you, has a home, will be taken care of, etc.? I mean, if you have been the rock all this time and the fun reliable parent, then keep being that!
You are spinning your wheels too much. Take a breath...and again...please. You sound really wound up.
After talking to the L, the way my W stated she wanted to do it (7 days, 7 days) isn't going to work as my W is moving too far away. If we lived in same school district at least, that might have worked, not more than 20 miles away. Your position is reasonable and the L's will handle it. Period. The End...stop obsessing about THIS problem. You might have really big issues to deal with,
but worrying about having your d switch schools and surroundings, every week to accommodate the choice of her mother who moved away, is NOT one of them. Besides, you just finished saying the obvious, your d GETS TO CHOOSE....so stop spinning around. This is not a problem for you, in reality.
She needs to know what is coming and what is coming is her parents are going to no longer live together or be married and she will have to decide where she wants to live most of the time. I am not going to lie to her and say things that aren't true, good or bad about her mom. If her mother hadn't been so wanting to hide everything from her she probably would have a better handle on what was coming but that was her choice. I happen to think she is entitled to know that her life is going to change in a big way and have time to prepare for that change, not wait until it's here and say "So, where do you want to live and you have to decide today".
Then Make up your mind to let her know that a divorce seems to be coming, you and her mom both love her and both want her to live with you (if true) and she'll get to decide whom to spend the bulk of her time with. IF you remain in her school district and around her friends, and if she's seen you as the rock in her life, what specifically are you angry or afraid of?
Ignoring her depression at home? She WASN'T earning a good living for any of that time! Take a breath Matt... My replies are to what I see, written by YOU. If you are not clear, perhaps b/c you're so angry, then slow down and breathe.
I have to ask, and I'm being sincere, but is this how you were with your wife when she was depressed? I sense such a frantic bitter level of high intensity from you, it's a bit draining just to read.
Take it easy and explain what you want to do NOW...and from this day forward. Not the past or the blame game, or all the catestrophizing. My h's MLC cost us a fortune...we have retirement accounts and all the rest, ALL the savings are gone and there is no college fund for our youngest.
We'll work it out and I'll never spin around about it b/c that is counter productive and I want to stay in the present...married to my h. But you'll never get anywhere if we all have to agree on your past AND present AND future. The future is not known and by predicting fiasco after fiasco, you make today a lot worse for everyone around you. I also really do believe you can speak some things into existence. See Shawn Achor's TED talk -2012-- about positive ways of thought. Seriously, it's excellent and potentially life changing.
It was all any of us could think about because she was always either too tired to move OR screaming and at times hitting the girls. (I had to pull her away several times when she lost her temper with my oldest). Not sure who suggested you ignored her depression but your descriptions have been a tad confusing. I feel as if you swing from complaints about the past to fears about the future, and fury about the present...
And I'm not sure what you are responding to. Thing is,
you can't blurt out things like she was "hitting the girls", as if we have heard this before. It's the first time I've heard that, (which is odd, btw). I mean if she's violent and you had to pull your wife off of your d, that's a big "Detail" to leave out til now = when you feel defensive. So I suggest that you not dribble out important facts/details. We only know what you post HERE & only when you post it.
I SHOULD have ignored her depression instead of trying so hard to help her out of it. Trying different AD drugs (I would go to dr with her when the drugs she was taking weren't working), constantly trying to read the latest on how to best treat loved ones with depression. I have stood by her through so much of her "psychological scars" and the damage it did to not just her but my kids as well. Until you live with a depressed person who talks about not wanting to live. Until you have to wake up every day wondering if she will function you have no idea what it's like. You are so far off base here it's unbelieveable!
Not sure who you are speaking to ^^here...but I HAVE AND PRESENTLY DO Live with someone being treated for major depression and anxiety disorders & suicidal ideation...
I think I am reading the words of a man who is not in control of his emotions, at the moment, which I hope is b/c you are just venting away here....
You also accused me of getting your story confused with someone else b/c I did miss a detail about your d's ages/conditions. But the thing is, most of it was right. You have said your wife has been bad news for a long time. I asked what you'd be losing then, if she is too leave b/c frankly you do NOT sound like a man who loves her.
You even admitted that in the past 2 days! You needed her income, period. That's YOUR WORDS, so the only thing anyone is really losing by her leaving, is money.
Okay, That's why you hire a L to get what you can for you & your girls....and you get back on the horse for a better job with more money asap.
This is not easy, but it's also not complicated. You have to earn more money soon.
Yes I think your wife is emotionally disturbed. I still think that. I didn't say you have to stay with her. You don't. You're not. If you are going to keep spinning about how evil/crazy she is/was/will always be, then I'd just tell you that I don't think it'll help your d's. I also don't believe it helps you, either, but that's your choice.
Sorry but when after she DIDN'T work for 15 years, had been back at work for less than 4 years, we talk and come to the decision that she wants me to go do the start up KNOWING I will NEED her income for it to work and 3 months later tells me she wants a D, my "compassion" is waning a bit! She has only worked for about 4 years. Only since I started at this new business has my income been less than hers. What are you arguing about here?^^^ I don't know what I"m supposed to reply to here. So I'll move on...
I don't have compassion when without warning or even telling me, she stops putting money in the joint acct. and I still keep paying the bills and then tells me too bad, that was your $200 in fees, I'm not contributing at all. Yes I have read this ^^ before. She said you should have told her that a bill had been paid so she'd know the funds were needed, and you don't agree with her. But you keep repeating this offense of hers as if repeating it makes it a stronger argument. It doesn't. IT keeps YOU stuck.
By the way SHE refused to say she needed help anymore for depression. I TRIED to help her. I didn't NEED her "good income" thanks as I had kept my family going for 15 years without it! How dare you even sa YOU SAID you only needed her income. This was a realization of yours, which YOU wrote here in the past 36 hours. I respond only to what I read here, which YOU write.
Now that your blasting of me has created a defensiveness in me that is annoying (b/c I've been around here awhile and rarely get so much anger from someone), I think it's valuable for you.
I suggest You take a hard look at how you react to a total stranger who donates time to help you. Your anger is inappropriate.
You are coming across as a bully.
I ignored her depression? And it took me until now, after all the crap she has said and done to get to the point where I felt that my needing her income is what's holding me back from just saying "GO if that's what you want!" A selfish user? read what I wrote again. I did NOT CALL YOU a "selfish user". I was trying to get you to see a possible point of view your wife might have. IT's called "empathy". Sheesh...this is silly now. Hey, good luck Matt! ---
Yes I have a reflection on this, YOU ARE WAY OFF BASE!
Constant blame game? You have no earthly idea what you are saying. You have no idea what the last 7 years have been like let alone the last year. Nothing I said is untrue, why is it so hard for you to think that a man can actually be a good father and husband? wth?
--- -- -- Do you think I should be nice to her after all she has done the last year? Do you think it would be better if I said how much I love and how much compassion I have for the woman who makes promise after promise and does the opposite and then claims she didn't "lie" she just "changed her mind". The person who can't say how but "knows' I'm to blame for her being unhappy because she's tried everything else and none of that worked so..... I said, and I repeat, GAL b/c without it you cannot detach. And YOU need to detach. Big time.
I know you are trying to help and use assumptions based on what you have seen in the past from your sitch or others. Just think about the examples I given. How many people do you know who have had just the things with my FIL happen in their M? Not to mention all the crazy stuff that my W has said and done with the girls. As I said, your wife is not well. I've held to that the whole time I've written to you. I think your FIL is emotionally abusing her, at best. I already said this, but it's not what you hear. That's a problem in how YOU receive information. The way you give your opinion to me here is you bludgeoning me, and NOT reading what I said carefully enough. I said "to some" or "to your wife it might look like" and you act as if I've written this about you as a fact, published in a newspaper.
I actually WASN'T angry last night. I actually looked at her and felt for the first time, nothing. No anger, no love, no hate, just felt like I don't know this person and I just don't care. Much better than the pain I have been feeling. If that's not "detaching" nothing is and it was real.
Actually not caring is NOT detaching, but it's better than obsessing I guess. Anyhow, I don't think you're in a good position to hear me. I think others can probably help you more.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
You are wounded by the change of events in the past 4-5 days. Hurt. Angry. Pissed off. Overwhelmed. Sad. Scared.
Perfectly understandable.
All of that comes out as trying to defend your position and trying to explain HOW you've tried to be the good husband/father to W over the years. It seems to me that you are shouting in order to be heard. We are not out to flog you here. We are here to point out some areas for improvement that will allow you to become unstuck and take back your true power.
Hell! Many of the LBS here were/are good husbands/wives...and yet they have had to pick themselves off from the pavement and barge ahead by taking charge of their OWN lives.
What is really lost in the translation here is that your anger is preventing you from truly "hearing" what others have posted you here which has been essentially boiled down to this:
YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM HERE
The power resides within you, Matt. Use it or lose it.
You DO have a choice here:
Take charge and take back your own life....
Or...
Continue wallowing in your own sorrows by re-telling the story over and over as a powerless person at the mercy of the she-Devil.
Buddy, you are not alone in having your life upended in horrendous ways by a MLCer. We all have been there at one point or another...that's why we come here, unfortunately so, to seek support and guidance.
Your W is a roaring, chugging train that is coming bearing right down at ya at full speed and yet you complain about standing squarely in its path.
To redirect you back to the program, Matt, I'm posting the list from T here to refocus on it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The List
I'm going to suggest where ALL your mental effort should be placed at the moment, imo.
-Finding a lawyercheck -Finding a job/income -Asking parents to help with the finances -Your daughters -Getting your own checking account.
You need to focus man... on what NEEDS to be done in reality, laser sharp focus... RIGHT THE HECK NOW... your daughters are too important to be spinning wheels and energy elsewhere.
Your W and FIL are NOT on the above list.
What steps need to be taken to accomplish the above? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
