Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Marching forward with deal breakers in hand

Pretty happy with my GALing this weekend. Kids and I went away 1 night and while it was sad at times bc they missed H overall I think it was a success. I showed myself and THEM that we can successfully do a trip alone without H and have some fun.

For memorial day we had a friend over and her kids. She is a single mom and our kids all get along great. She and I had a fantastic time catching up. The kids all ran around the neighborhood and had a blast. It all makes me feel like I will be ok no matter what. Unfortunately the 1 thing I still struggle with is potentially giving up this house bc the kids love this neighborhood so much. I used to think this was my forever home. Now I try to tell myself maybe there's some way I could figure out how to stay here for ONE year. Even if I totally scrape by. Who knows what could change in ONE year, even if H and I divorce. I mean, my whole life turned upside down in a matter of months. A year is A LOT really. Anyway, having some sort of plan for keeping the kids in the house for even just a year gives me some strength to detach and not be overrun with fear of the consequences if H and I do end up D.

One sad thing today was I asked my Stepson and his finance over but they never came. Overall they have been really great to me since the A (they know about it) but the fact is, I do understand that their loyality will ultimately lie with H. It's just sad to think I may lose them in my life. They have a new baby I adore and I miss them all :-(

Also, this will be a tough week for me emotionally as we are putting my Dad in a home due to his Parkinson's and dementia. The one silver lining is my mom will be more available because she won't have Dad so dependent on her...and I will be available with the kids going with H so much...so we can lean on each other during this mourning/lonely time

So, the rollercoaster does continue in some respects but I feel like maybe not quite as dramatic. At least I HOPE I am leveling off a bit. I guess we shall see what comes my way next. Although in the end all that matters is how I handle it. I'm learning that no matter what, it's all about ME in the end.

I am curious if others are having the same experience as I am. Since I've shared my story with friends, I can't tell you how many have come forward and revealed either affairs or 'almost' affairs. People I would have NEVER suspected. It's so bizarre, while in an odd way it's comforting to know we're part of this heinous norm, it also feels like it further rocks my world and reality. I kind of feel like NO ONE can be trusted, how sad.

So I must admit, I am a bit disappointed tonight. I had hoped after our really good convo last night H would have reached out to me today, but he didn't. He did send a txt asking to speak to the kids but that's it (of course I had them call him). I so want to call him but I will not. I hate that he has made this SO hard. I know if there had never been an OW he would be turning back toward me. We've had our tough times but always were able to find a way to reconnect..before OW. It all makes me so angry. I know I need to let it go, I know my anger only hurts things. I know all of this intellectually, just having a hard time muscling through the emotions right now.

There's a fair bit of blame going his way mdu.

"I hate that he has made this SO hard."

"We've had our tough times but always were able to find a way to reconnect..before OW."

Focus on yourself, what you can change and how you want to live for yourself. Be someone your husband wants to come back to.

Thx for the reminder Barrybarn. I do know I need to get back on me and the blame is counterproductive. Unfortunately nighttime is the worst for me. I often wake up confused, wondering where H and/or my kids are (if they are with him). I have lots of anxiety and pain in my chest. I have bad dreams about H starting a new life with OW. It just [censored]. I do so much to GAL, fortunately I have a good career and many friends, and while it helps some H is never far from my mind. I know I should not get in touch with him today and wait for him to reach out to me but it feels like a feat of epic proportions. Now that he is warming some it's even harder.

It gets easier, that I promise. It takes practice.

Try Tylenol simply sleep..... my nightmares are real(H and OW do have a happy family going on) and this stuff is safe, not addictive and helps me fall asleep.

Ugh, I just got a few logistical communications from H and they were definitely quite cold. I really don't understand how to do this. I reach out to him and he's VERY receptive. But according to DBing I should NOT pursue so I leave him alone and now he seems cold. I don't know if I should keep leaving him alone or try to reach out again and see what kind of result comes from that. I constantly feel caught between a rock and a hard place.

This is a terrible place to be.

With regards to the dreams, I don't know if you're able to do this, but one thing that has helped me is when I'm having those awful dreams, I'm often mostly asleep but just aware enough to know that I'm dreaming, so I go all out in them. All the yelling, screaming, throwing and breaking I want to do that I work so hard to restrain when I'm awake, I do it in my dreams. Then I usually fall back to sleep and wake up feeling a LOT better in the mornings because it has been expressed.

I don't know if that helps everyone, but it has helped me a lot. There was one really great one where I just b*&^% slapped the h#$% out of OW and now I feel like she's totally in perspective for me. Still a deal-breaker, but more a symptom of how he dysfunctions than such a personal insult to me.

Like you, I find the more I share with others the more I learn how many people struggle. You have little ones so I know this will resonate for you -- Everybody Poops. It's nice to know we're not alone.

Hang in there and KNOW that this too shall pass, no matter what the outcome might be.

Maybell, thx for posting, love the dream advice! So glad I have this community to lean on