Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy New therapist and moving on......

Ok so today......
Usually H has the twins on Sunday after I take them to church. Today was AMAZING weather so I decided to take the older boys to the zoo this afternoon. I called H when we got home from church and asked if he had plans with the twins today as I had promised the older boys the first good weather Sunday we would visit the zoo and they both have been missing their little brother/sister a lot and wanted them to come with.

H said he had planned to take them to the zoo today (with OW and her kids) I explained that S13 and S7 really missed the twins and wanted to spend the day with them and I would make up for it by letting H have next Saturday.
He said ok, but was kind of upset. I offered that he could come with us, he just said he was still going with OW. I said that will be very awkward being at the same place, he said "it's a big zoo" (Brookfield)
He kind of started into how he doesn't get many days off with them (he was a workaholic during our relationship choosing to stay at work instead of coming home)
I told him I really appreciate him allowing the twins to spend extra time with their brothers. I then told him I wanted to confirm he would not be using our membership as it would cause a problem if we both tried to scan in. He said he was going to (the thought of OW pretending to be ME and her kids pretending to be MY boys makes me want to vomit) I remained calm as I said I just don't want there to be an issue when I get there. He sounded frustrated and said "ok, do you know where the coupons are we had?"
I told him to enjoy his day and hung up.

I decided I emotionally could not handle running into them there so I took the kids to Lincoln Park Zoo instead (smaller, downtown Chicago) I didn't tell H that.
He sent a text when he got there saying "just got here, hbu?"
I didn't reply until I was home and said "sorry, left my phone in the car. Kids had a BLAST"
He replied with "the weather is so nice"

Too much for a text so I thought I would just send an email.
The kids are such healthy eaters! I LOVE that all my kids eat so well. The twins have been really enjoying scrambled eggs and yogurt or Quaker whole oats oatmeal for breakfast. I just read an article on yogurt and how most brands have lots of chemicals/artificial sweeteners so I have only been buying Stonyfield Farms and Choboni. If you would like to do the same I would really be appreciative.

The twins adore fish especially salmon and I have been introducing a variety of fresh fruits like mango, honey dew melon, kiwi, pomegranate, raspberries, blackberries and a few more.

Summer is so short and your only a kid once! I have been letting the twins REALLY REALLY enjoy themselves outside with bubbles, chalk, sandbox and the balls. When they get dirty I just strip them down and let them keep playing! Hence the nudist colony going on tonight :-) they love eating outside so we just wash hands, eat and keep playing!

Vivian tried to kiss a snake today (it was behind glass!) I can't wait to see her face at Disney when she wakes up and looks out the window to see an elephant or giraffe. That girl is going to be a veterinarian one day.

They are both sitting on the potty every day, and about 50% of the time going. I am not pushing the potty training as I know once Lillian is born I won't be able to devote enough attention to potty training and that wouldn't be fair to the twins to start and not be consistent.

They were both WONDERFUL at church today. They do a great job holding each other's hand and walking into church on their own. They each have their backpacks on with books/trains/snacks and they wait nicely for me to unfold the stroller, climb in and open their backpacks. :-) Father Bertino told me today that I am a wonderful mother, it felt so good to hear that.





k so trying to lose the anger.... I had sent a mass text earlier of the twins eating dinner outside naked with the caption "they are costing me a fortune in fresh salmon and fruit and I LOVE it" (Grandparents/God parents/uncles got this text) and accidentally included H in there. He responded back with "where are their dispers? Is it a nudist colony over there? Lol" I never responded back to him so I sent this email.

Can't find due in May threads.....

Yep, well I asked for "help" and now on my way too the hospital...... gotta love it when people call it help but make so much more work for you

Ok, hospital was a quick trip. They gave me meds and sent me on my way. I didn't even have h meet me there.

H told me tonight he is going on vacation with her/her kids from June 6-14 th..... not taking the twins. It felt like a huge punch in the stomach to hear that.

He also decided we needed to have a conversation about Lillian. He said flat out plans have not changed and he will be there. I tried to explain my fears and that no matter how I feel about our relationship labor/delivery will be a very emotional and difficult time for me. I told him the things I need, he said he understand but never said yes he would comply. He seemed very cold/impatient with me on the phone. I even asked if he was angry to which he replied no.

I told him if he would like to not talk anymore that would be fine, just let me know to which he replied "no"
I told him I do not want a divorce but will be fine with or without him so I will not stand in his way.

I ended the conversation by telling him to have fun on his vacation and he replied, I am sure I will talk to you before that.

I completely forgot to ask what his expectations for bonding with this baby were so I sent a text asking. He asked me what I wanted.... I said I "want" Lillian to have a real family. But YOU do what you feel is right I am not going to control this.
He said she won't have you and I living in the same house but she will have two parents who love her and 4 awesome siblings. And he said he wants to see her as much as he can (which doesn't really give me any info)

I just said you asked what I wanted so I told you, I will be happy no matter what you decide.

Need opinions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

H is going on vacation with OW and her kids. He expects me to keep the twins on his days, but said if I made plans he would ask his mom to babysit as normal. BUT he expects me to drive the 30 min to get her and take her home on all 3 days.

one of the days is my S7 birthday party and I will not be able to run after the twins and numerous 8yr olds at a fun center.

Do I take a hard nosed approach and this is a vacation you planned, you have responsibilities so YOU need to take care of everything (ie not rescuing him) or do I step in and make his life easy?

Starsky and 25yrs PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me a good script to use!!!

I can't do it anymore. I can't be nice while he acts like a jerk. I just can't. He spent my half of the state tax return and ignored my questions about it till I just wouldn't stop today. He finally asked me if I could wait till next week for the $$.
He is going to Florida with OW and her kids and spends SOOOOOOO much time with her boys, taking off a ton of time from work when he won't do that for his own kids.
He lies to me all the time, acts like he doesn't care then calls me to ask a random question about a coupon. I am done! I can't wait to go to court.
I guess I should move my thread to surviving divorce as even though I am so ANGRY now, actually wanting a divorce I know I will need some support/encouragement to make it through.
Everyone here, thank you. You have made me see how horribly f$!#ed up he is. If this is "affair fog" then I hope his "boat of life" crashes into the rocks.

You need to call a friend and ask the friend to be with you and your kids when you are feeling this overwhelming you. I hope you have a good lawyer. Spend time you're thinking about H, documenting what is going on so you have dates, times, kids etc. documented for a good settlement. H is using very poor judgement and is not a good person for you now. You need to contact someone you feel safe with to be with you when you go into labor, so there's not the concerns you're expressing. H can wait outside the room and see baby when she comes. You need to focus on you and the baby's health. This stress is not good for both of you. Heh, DBing friends chime in and give her some ideas.

Oh so how the information flows....... when it comes it just keeps pouring.....

I finally got up the nerve to contact H's first wife. He had just divorced her when we met, saying after 14yrs together and about 5 of them trying for a baby they just grew apart. I believed every word, his house was on the market and he randomly had appointments with his lawyer.

Ummmmmmmmmm I was an affair!!!!! I had no clue, I feel so dirty and horrible right now! He had 2 affairs previous to me, each one with someone at work and ending when his wife found out. Her thinking their marriage was ok after each one. The third one (me) his wife was completely clueless, and he just walked out on her (while they were trying for a baby) one day he seemed happy and the next he was asking for a divorce completely "in love" with someone else (me).

His ex wife is happily remarried and is not angry with me, said she wished me well and although checking out of a marriage with baby #3 on the way is low, she wasn't THAT surprised he did this.......

So any guesses on how long his new relationship will last?

Okay. We all get reality checks and well, you have yours. Now, take care of you and the kids. You need to go dark and take care of yourself.