Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers 3 Months In and Feeling...More Aware

It's a great first step, scary yes, but you've done scary things before.

It is hard to step out of the box, but empowering at the same time. I only have a handful of close friends and they are all married with young kids. I try and plan things with them far in advance and get in on the calendar because they cant do last minute things. I also found a meetup group that I really like. I don't get to go to all the meetups because I often have the kids, but I do get to some. I just signed up for golf lessons on one of the nights my H has the kids. It gives me something to do. It is a group class so I am not all alone. Before the golf lessons, I took yoga.

Enjoy getting dressed up and looking HOT!! Your H may not say anything, but I am sure he will notice.

So I went to Starbucks and got a coffee. Here, in Canada, there is a Chapters book store attached so I walked around drinking my coffee and looked at a bunch of books.

I then went to the movies - saw Neighbours (was a really good movie). It felt a bit weird being there alone. But it was fun.

When I came home H was in bed already. I had dressed up a bit and even more make-up. Looked pretty good.

Before going out H never asked where/who, etc.

Thanks for the words of encouragment, ladies.

Congrats! (And don't think about whether H noticed or not.Just because he didn't say anything doesn't mean he didn't notice you looked great or was wondering where you were going. Plus... you didn't do it for him, you did it for you!)

^^ Exactly! Speaking from a man's perspective, I'm always aware of the level of effort put into my W's 'looks' when she goes out... even pre-BD.

He noticed... and I'm sure he's curious. Great work!

Thanks all. I hope you are right!

Hi all. Had a few low days. Long weekend in Canada. H was here the whole weekend. Loved/hated it. We did some family stuff - bike riding, cleaning up the yard, cleaning out the garage (spring cleaning, etc.).

He is so much fun with the girls. I was able to hold it together until Sunday morning. H was taking the girls to the playground and I was GAL'ing - kind of - running errands. I was missing our "family" so much that was crying - but quietly and just was I was leaving - trying to be discrete - so i got in the car (alone) and cried a bit in the driveway.

I didn;t think they did but the girls picked up on my sadness and came out the front door to see if I was okay. I quickly wiped my eyes and smiled and waved back to them and told them to go back in.

H mentioned later that evening that our oldest daughter asked him why I was upset when i left. He said he told her that wasn;t sure and that she could ask me later.

I think I'm back to PMA...I'm trying...

Hey Jenn - My D7 has picked up on my sadness a few times since H moved out. She doesn't really ask any questions, but will say, "Mommy, you look sad." In those circumstances, I usually tell her that we should do something that makes us happy and we'll play a silly game or something similar.

When I think about what I would want her to learn about being a woman/mom in this experience, I know I want her to see strength and dignity, but I also want her to know that it is ok to be upset, too. When I think about it in that way, I wonder if it is OK for her to see some of that, so long as it isn't overwhelming and she sees the strength coming through even more.

^^^ totally agree. In fact, maybe it would be more traumatic if you *weren't* upset by the situation at all! I don't know how much she knows about what is going on, But I wonder if some age-appropriate honesty could be good? (You certainly don't want her imagining that you are upset with her! )

She is somewhat aware. She knows I am sad lately because I miss Daddy. She knows we are having "troubles" and that we are trying to work them out.

She has become very loving (she always was very cuddly) since all this has gone on. We leave each other little notes. I often put them in her lunch bag or spelling book so she finds them when she gets to school (saying things like "have a super-duper day" or a heart with her name inside) and she leaves notes for me on my night stand (things like 'you are the bestest mom ever!")

I have made sure I spend time with both girls, seperately. Reading or giggling or just sitting together. This new situation (ie after BD) has really made me stop, put down my iphone, turn off the computer and fully live in the moment with the girls. (don;t get me wrong - I do get side tracked but I quickly try to remember whats important and switch off work, etc)

Although I wish I didn't have to be in the situation (like all of us) I am please with how my relationship with the girls has become stronger. (Insert PMA and self-pat on the back). I am thankful of my new awareness.