Some good advice here. Try to not use the kids as a weapon against her. My exH did this and well it drove me farther away. Took me until I had an empty nest to get some things sorted out. Give her some space. Less communication the better. Keep it surrounding the kids, but not about custody, just their care and when you get them.
Well the order will force her back to the area or she releases custody to me. I don't plan on pursuing anymore after our convo earlier it made me upset.
I view it like this, I don't want this divorce I want to be a stand up guy for my family and want to be very involved in my children's everyday life. I'm not going to sacrifice my relationship with my children because she wants to run away and sleep with other guys. If there's one relationship that I will never give up it's the one I have with my kids.
Me-33,W-26 M-4 yrs, T-5 years S- 2 D- 4 (Special needs, undiagnosed) Apr 2014 B date End of April 2014 Moved in with parent's
But you are using them, Corbean. You used them as your connection to contact her. You are using them to control her. You can say it's all about them.....yada, yada. But it seems pretty clear what is happening here.
You admit in your first post that you always put other things before her and the kids. Plus, this is the second time she's left you. The first time was b/c of your porn use, which you didn't stop until after she left this time. After this second time, you stopped porn and started church. Which is great.....if it is not used as a gimmick to get her back. You are still in that mode of "if this doesn't work, then I'll try that".
I don't blame you for wanting to protect your kids. I told you upfront to protect yourself & the kids. However, the more you post, the more I am getting a bad feeling about this. You are preaching to her, and using the kids as your bible. You are cramming it down her throat. You want to control, punish and guilt her. That's not the way to operate.
Make very sure of your lawyer's instructions. I know I said I wouldn't give her a head's up about your intentions, but to get the kids for a weekend visit...and not return them....and "then" tell her, "Oh btw, the reason the kids haven't gone back home is b/c we are legally S and I have custody of them" seems kind of underhanded to me. Why did your lawyer tell you to handle it this way?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm here now and the lawyer said to handle it this way because as soon as I tell her then she is going to cut all contact with me and letting me access the kids until the court date.
Sandi I don't know what to do then. I don't want to lose the kids and have them 5 hours away.
Me-33,W-26 M-4 yrs, T-5 years S- 2 D- 4 (Special needs, undiagnosed) Apr 2014 B date End of April 2014 Moved in with parent's
So, is your lawyer saying to basically kidnap the kids until the court date?
There is another poster with a very similar stitch, and I was thinking what I told him....instead of you. However, even with me not giving you that advice in your stitch, I still don't have a good feeling about this. Has he instructed you about what to do if she sends the police?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Yes she did. She is saying to tell her I filed and there is a temp custody agreement until the court date, and that she can have weekend visitations.
I just don't want to end up screwed like in my last D where I only see my son on Christmas and 6 weeks in the summer. I want to be involved in my kids every day lives.
I am not trying to be shady and trust me I'm hammering my lawyer with questions. The lawyer thinks that if I give the children back though that she would then keep me from seeing them til the court date and it would hurt my chances of having them.
Me-33,W-26 M-4 yrs, T-5 years S- 2 D- 4 (Special needs, undiagnosed) Apr 2014 B date End of April 2014 Moved in with parent's
Also, I quit port and video games and started church to actually change my life and become the type of man I want to be. Not to get her back.
And I'm afraid if I just play Mr. Nice guy and give her what she wants then I will only see my kids every other weekend and end up hating myself again for not being involved in my kids lives.
Me-33,W-26 M-4 yrs, T-5 years S- 2 D- 4 (Special needs, undiagnosed) Apr 2014 B date End of April 2014 Moved in with parent's
Yes she did. She is saying to tell her I filed and there is a temp custody agreement until the court date, and that she can have weekend visitations.
I just don't want to end up screwed like in my last D where I only see my son on Christmas and 6 weeks in the summer. I want to be involved in my kids every day lives.
I am not trying to be shady and trust me I'm hammering my lawyer with questions. The lawyer thinks that if I give the children back though that she would then keep me from seeing them til the court date and it would hurt my chances of having them.
So what happens when your spouse has custody for a weekend, and then takes them 5 hours away again ??
The lawyer said that we are going to discuss all that tomorrow because I was adamant that I didn't want to be a hero and be like yeah I'm keeping them.
Me-33,W-26 M-4 yrs, T-5 years S- 2 D- 4 (Special needs, undiagnosed) Apr 2014 B date End of April 2014 Moved in with parent's
However, even with me not giving you that advice in your stitch, I still don't have a good feeling about this. Has he instructed you about what to do if she sends the police?