Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wife doesn't feel it... (Part 2)

I am so glad you have this mentor! Maybe you could pass along some of these encouraging sessions. I know I would love to hear what he has to say, and I'm sure the other posters would appreciate the encouragement.

Well he said it's going to be a year long process meeting once a week, but the goal isn't to fix me. It's to get me to the point that in a year I'm sitting across the table from someone trouble starting to mentor them. I'm very encouraged. Still hurting about my M though and the fact that I'm alone thinking about her while I knows she's out with the OM having fun and happy...

I know I'm only like 3 weeks in and she's only been in a R with guy for like a week and a half, but I seriously find myself wishing they would have a huge fight, or that she would just start thinking about me non stop and all our good stuff. I have so much personal growth to do and I'm refuse to reach out to her at all especially since she's seeing another man, but my goodness I miss her so much.

And I'm finding it super hard to just ignore that she is dating another man. I know, she knows I know and she doesn't care. Everything inside me tells me I should be fighting for her, but DB says to ignore it and wait it out. I just feel like a hopeless fool.

DB doesn't say to just ignore the fact she's in an A. You say you aren't permitted to reach out to her. To make things clear here, you can do anything you want. Nobody is stopping you. Least of all DB. It just won't work in your favor, that's all.

You say you feel you should be fighting for her. What does that picture look like to you. I am curious to know. Is it confronting her and,pressuring her to break off the A and be a faithful W to you? Is it trying to control what she does? Maybe just keep trying different approaches of begging, guilting, ultimatums, etc., until you stumble onto one that gets a better reaction? And don't forget a favorite one......confronting the OM and asking him to please leave your W alone.

So tell me, how would you handle it?

We all know road runner and coyote!

Lbs is coyote, how attractive is that?
Road runner just runs harder,

Don't let road runner load you up with TNT or run you off a cliff! It's simply no fun.. And your road runner will use it as justications.

I'm not going to do anything at all about it, except let God handle it. I just absolutely hate seeing my wife go through and do this stuff.

Sandi thank you so much for the advice you offer btw. I value your opinion so much bc you were the WAW with the A and you see a totally different perspective than any of us.

I feel super confident in the work I'm doing on myself and I've began the journey to becoming the man God wants me to be. It is hard though to take the wait, be nice, then see approach to my wife. I feel this huge responsibility to protect her from the path she's taking and just want to fulfill my role as husband and father.

I have not been in your shoes with a WAS, but I did experience leaving my daughter in God's hands. She was so young and just M. He was in the military and they were moving far away. My D had been a very bad diabetic for years and had almost died several times. I was terrified at getting a call in the middle of the night, hearing my SIL say we had lost her. I couldn't live like that, yet there was nothing I could do. The day she came by to say good-bye was gut wrenching for all of us. When she left, I went back into the house and went to the bedroom she had growing up. I fell on my knees and cried out to God.

I have been a Christian for most of my life, and am thankful for the spiritual roles I saw lived out before me. I was solid in what I had been taught. I had no power, but I knew the One who did. That day as I cried before the Lord, I experienced turely turning lose and completely trusting Him to take care of my daughter. When I stood on my feet, I felt peace in place of fear. And.....He took care of her!

I only share this with you to let you know I hear what you are saying. I know my H had to trust God to take care of me.....and to speak to my heart, b/c he (my H) was not able to do much with me. I know it was very tough. I broke him down. But, long story short, I needed someone to talk to.....but I couldn't talk to anyone I knew......b/c of my EA. So, that led me looking for a support forum.....which led me here. Surprise, surprise!

Some may say that wasn't God and it "just happened". I know I had free will to choose, refuse, or accept. The very people who would say the very words I needed to get in my brain to start waking me up were right here. Instead of rejecting me and throwing stones at me, I was given the frank information I was ignorant about, and began to see the light through the fog. I "could have" had a bunch of LBS's taking their anger out on me. But I didn't, and I believe it was b/c somebody who loved me was praying.

So, you are smart to turn loose and put her in God's hands. But you may need to get out of the way (if you know what I mean). He is dealing with a rebellious W, but He is experienced. Give it time b/c whenever human volition is involved....it usually means they aren't going to make it simple. Keep your eyes on Him, and not on the stitch.

You will get through this, Corbean. And remember something......our time is imperfect, but His time is always perfect.

Wow that's exactly what I needed to hear. I've been trying so hard to just plant a seed to even hope she would reconsider, but I know it's wrong. I do have to let completely go and I feel like I have in a sense of not being all textie and calling a lot. Except for my kids. One of my major problems is that I seem to always want to make things better fast. Patience with me has always been a weakness, but I'm learning through growth and a lot of 2x4s that this is not on my time line or her time line it's on God's timeline. I have so many people praying for my marriage and my wife so I will just remain faithful and pray more. Lol I guess the hardest part of faith is getting no feedback until God tells you. I've been letting fear control me, fear that she's really gone, that she will go past the point of no return, that she will never think of me again, that she will get pregnant or something. But reading your post makes me realize that's not faith at all. And the fact that she isn't in a relationship with God at all &as made me afraid that she wouldn't even listen if he did reach out.

You know I was considering doing small acts of love after reading the Love Dare, like leaving her favorite cupcake in the car when we switch vehicles or something. Not for a thank you but just because, and to let her know I still care and do want to value her. However, your rules and the book say that will only push her farther away so I'll refrain. Guess I have some praying to do.