Is it possible to despise and love someone at the same time? The cake eating and acid laced, honey covered insincerity is really getting to me. I know that our R will never be like it was before , I had hoped it could be new and strong ,but at this point I'm starting to think it isn't worth it. She is just damaged goods. Albeit the damaged goods that brought all of this on and suffers NO consequences all the while treating me like I'm the one who cheated. That's why I was thinking of asking her to leave, it was her idea.
Me 49 stunned and lost W 47 ,stunning and my world S 15,better than anyone could ask for T 29 yrs ,M 18. B 4-3-2014 move on separately.4-18-2014- "doesn't want to be M" 5-8-14 " I'm filing for divorce"
Is it possible to despise and love someone at the same time? The cake eating and acid laced, honey covered insincerity is really getting to me. I know that our R will never be like it was before , I had hoped it could be new and strong ,but at this point I'm starting to think it isn't worth it. She is just damaged goods. Albeit the damaged goods that brought all of this on and suffers NO consequences all the while treating me like I'm the one who cheated. That's why I was thinking of asking her to leave, it was her idea.
Yes..it IS possible....
You have to find a balance first though , and not be emotional when you deal with her...
In time, you will learn that you Love the person, yet despise the actions...
Stop thinking that she is doing this TO you also...
She isn't doing anything TO you.
She is doing this FOR herself...
You say that you love her, and want her to be happy...yes ???
What if her happiness doesn't include you ???
Still want her to be happy ???
You CAN have a new relationship in the future, although nothing is a guarantee.
Ok breathe, calmer heads and all of that. I will write down what I was going to say, print it delete the file and stash my copy for "in case". I just really can't stand that she doesn't even admit that SHE was the one who did the damage. I'm the one who offered to overlook her indiscretions and work through this from the beginning.
Me 49 stunned and lost W 47 ,stunning and my world S 15,better than anyone could ask for T 29 yrs ,M 18. B 4-3-2014 move on separately.4-18-2014- "doesn't want to be M" 5-8-14 " I'm filing for divorce"
The "to you and for her" stuff is good and is the main point of the letter I was going to give her. Focusing on the fact that I do love her ,want her to be happy and as hard as it is to accept, yes even if it doesn't include me. I know that she has issues though and it , this projecting on me all of a sudden, isn't real. She can have her space and still won't be happy. Wow can i mind read or what?
Me 49 stunned and lost W 47 ,stunning and my world S 15,better than anyone could ask for T 29 yrs ,M 18. B 4-3-2014 move on separately.4-18-2014- "doesn't want to be M" 5-8-14 " I'm filing for divorce"
just my 2 cents... talking doesn't do any good. they don't want to hear it. the WAP wants want they want. probably she sees you standing in her way. I am sorry that you find yourself here. You have gotten some good feedback. It takes an awful lot of patience and time.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
just my 2 cents... talking doesn't do any good. they don't want to hear it. the WAP wants want they want. probably she sees you standing in her way. I am sorry that you find yourself here. You have gotten some good feedback. It takes an awful lot of patience and time.
Absolutely....
Begging, talking, pleading, involving the Pope, Bigfoot, and Family members will do nothing at this point...
The ONLY thing that you are re-enforcing, is that you want your way, right now, and what she wants, needs, and feels, is completely irrelevant to you...
It tells her that you are still the same selfish person that she is painting you to be in her head...
It is true that you are selfish ???
In her mind, it is very true...
You have to accept her version of what reality is for now...
You are all over the place in a panic. Stop it! Please learn to STFU. YOU are not going to get her to change her mind - not with your words at least.
Originally Posted By: RSL
As far as STFU that's a hard one for now we still share a bed.
SO what you share a bed. You can still keep your mouth shut.
Originally Posted By: RSL
I have never been so powerless about anything that mattered so much in my life.
YOU THOUGHT you had control over a lot more of your life than you actually did. Believe it or not…you actually have less control that EVEN you think right now..but we’ll get into that later.
Originally Posted By: RSL
Albeit the damaged goods that brought all of this on and suffers NO consequences all the while treating me like I'm the one who cheated.
How DO YOU know that she does not or will NOT suffer consequences? You don’t. So stop mind reading.
RSL – right now, IMO you are so focused on YOUR W that you cannot see the role that YOU played in this. The only person you can fix right now is YOU. That will only happen when and IF you can stop looking at her and OM and start looking at YOU.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Ok thanks for all the 2 X's to the head ,that's why I posted. Nothing was said or done just thinking out loud so to speak. I am working on me ,and I know what my role is/was in all of this. Her reasons as she told me are laughable so I know it is deeper. MLC + menopause with stressful job and lack of sleep is a bad combination. I always tried to make it easier for her ,now I do that more subtly. I am focused on W , consumed even I know it's bad but I don't know how to stop. I was in a bad place yesterday (damn Rascal Flatts song). So no radio today, wrote my vent down , yard work, then the gym. Tonight I'll make dinner as usual and then if no one needs anything I'll go downstairs and watch the hockey game. Thanks again everyone, I'll wish positive thoughts for all of you as well.
Me 49 stunned and lost W 47 ,stunning and my world S 15,better than anyone could ask for T 29 yrs ,M 18. B 4-3-2014 move on separately.4-18-2014- "doesn't want to be M" 5-8-14 " I'm filing for divorce"
