Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I'm so shocked and heartbroken , this can't be rea

Me- 49 male stunned and lost
W- 47 female ,stunning and my world
Kid - 15 son ,better than anyone could ask for
dated 11 years ,married 18.
Bomb-4-3-2014; we should move on separately.4-18-2014- "I don't want to be married"
Long story short ,she strayed ,confronted her with proof. After denials and lies I got an admission of sorts. Few days later I get the separate ways line. I ask what the plan is/was...There is no plan. I ask is there still contact and will he speak with me. Non answer. Agrees to stay and think it over.Im on eggshells ,twisting in the wind. She may be acting furtive or it might be my suspiciousness. I did the exact wrong things at first. I may have blown it. We have these uncomfortable husband/wife moments and then cold distant moments
She has a great career that requires utmost honor , honesty and integrity. I think her shame humility is what keeps her from wanting to work past this. I love her as much as I ever have and will and have forgiven her ,though she never asked.
I share lots of blame for it ever having gotten this far. I'm lost and a mess.
Anyone please help if there is help or am I a fool?

So no one has anything for me here so far? Gawd i had to run from the garage to the bathroom so my kid wouldn't see me crying. trying to be strong but it hurts so bad.
I think in the next day or two Ill be able to write my sitch more concisely.. please say a prayer for my family.

I am sorry that you suddenly find yourself in this position. However, our Divorce Busting Coaches specialize in these situations. You will learn what to say and do to get your marriage back on track. I urge you to call and schedule a session with one of our coaches before things escalate any further. Call me and I would be happy to discuss our coaching program: 303-444-7004

W was gone on business for a week. A phone call in the evening to say good night to S. She said "love you" first one night. I know she has some hormonal, emotional issues going on but it is confusing and tough on me. After my initial errors I have backed off to give her space. Just got DB and DR.
She got home last night while I was at work. Brief call to see how S was and say hi.
When I went to bed she called me a pet name. I said hi welcome back. Got a hug today.Whats happening?

My W went on a business trip in mid Jan. Every
thing was great ,she really hated to go. She had to go back in late Jan and upon coming back promptly got a new cell. I continued to think things were ok, we talked laughed and teased and we're intimate. I bought her some expensive earrings for Valentines Day. She said they were beautiful, but cried and never wore them.
I started to notice strange behaviors ,especially regarding her phone which was constantly at her hand. She displayed a furtiveness at times ,missing time and elaborate stories of where she had been or what she was doing when before she would just say "I got a haircut" or something.And I never really ever used to question her about her whereabouts.
A few weeks later and more strange behaviors and I started to look. The phone call logs showed that the very first day she got her phone she called OM 3 times for a total of 3.5
hours. Way past her usual bedtime which she is pretty strict about. They must have just hung up when she heard me get home from work at 1 AM. One call was 339 minutes long. They used over 5000 minutes of text for each of the two months before I confronted her. Along with the dozens of phone calls to OM she called me, her husband 5 times for 9 minutes.
I had his name ,number, photo of her phones texts for one day and then I found a statement for a separate bank acct with 90 grand in it that had been mailed to her mom's address. She always handled finances because she was good at it so I looked into our joint acct. My paychecks showed up deposited and then she would transfer to our joint account from this other account about her payday.
Still acting happy and nice ,maybe a little more withdrawn but still being intimate at the time I found a receipt for a hotel room it was two weeks old OM as T he check in, guests 2.
I confronted her the next day ,I stayed very calm and didn't get angry.
Next the confrontation, aftermath ,and her side as she explained it to me.

Rls sorry that you find yourself here. Have you read DB?. Please do so. At the top of the newcomers thread there are 37 rules created by Sandi please start there. Also go into the infidelity thread there is tons of good info. Hopefully others will chime in soon.

Rick 1963, thanks , just got DB last week only on pg 70. First thing I did on finding this site was read Sandi2's 37 rules. I'd give anything to have her talk to W and myself.
I guess I have to believe that people get through the D,I can't see it yet. Nothing seems real.

Good job rsl. DimportanCehe book to your W or this site. These are for you. You are going to get tired hearing the following things

to take good care of yourself
to eat and rest
To b the best dad you can be
to GAL (get a life).
to become a man that only a fool would leave

These are very important to remember. You have gal as much as you can take up a
new hobby or interest. The idea is to focus on you.

After being here for a while I learned that WAS may come back when the LBS has trully decided to move on. TO let them free and leave their lifes. To look and be happy.

Sorry was typing on my phone. Do NOT show the book or this site to your W. And do post often.

RS,

First off, sorry that you are here, then again, I'm sorry that any of us are here...

Although it is truly the best, worst place to be in....

A little more information of yourself would be cool too....

Maybe add your info to your Signature line ??






A couple hits though.....

WAS's lie......period

WAS's typically project their feelings onto the person closest to them...

WAS's...typically cheat on their spouses....not all, but the majority of the time.

To get through this, you will need to understand that YOU are the only person that you can do anything about....

Don't spend this time that SHE needs, pining away waiting for her..

Do for you and your boys....Always

Take care of YOU.....good friend of mine told me once, If you don't make yourself Number one...You can't be that for your children....

Realize that you can do everything "right" and there is no gaurantee that you will come out the other side with a restored marriage with her....

What WILL happen is that you will realize that YOU will come out the other side of this a better man.

Take the time to understand what you are dealing with , and then do the work for yourself.....Strive to be better everyday....

Don't snoop....the only person you will hurt is you.....

Don't ring any bells that can't be un-rung

Don't put a timeline on this....there is none except hers....

Don't think there is something YOU can do to change this path for her...

You're never gonna talk your way out of something you acted your way into...

Time...Patience...Understanding....and being real...

Those are your friends right now....Your best friends...

Give plenty of space

Do for you

Do for your children

Understand your role right now to get through this....

One day at a time....One hour at a time....and in the beginning?

One minute at a time...

Don't talk to family and friends about this either, you will only hurt you.....

Come here to vent and understand, there is NOTHING you can say that will shock any of us man....

I have always said that I wouldn't wish this onto my worst enemy....at first I meant because of the hurt....Now ?

Because I wouldn't want him to be as good of a man than I ....

What is gained through this , is far more than what is lost.

You are going to be on moderation for a while, do not let it stop you from reading and posting though....

Eventually, you will come off of moderation and your posts will show up "real time"....

I would also recommend that you read through some of the MLC forum too...

For now, breathe, eat, and get plenty of rest buddy...

Read the 37 rules (that Rick63 is gonna link up shortly), and follow them.

YOU...are gonna be fine