I had three mediation sessions. The first I was determined to get my point across. That didn't go well at all. We just argued. So the final two I did my very best to listen and give short answers and let XW talk.
She almost even talked herself into 50/50 custody -- which would have meant shared costs instead of me giving her $11k every year.
Then she remembered she wanted that money and talked herself out of it. But I got Sundays nights and a couple of other things and it just calmed everything down.
I remember after thinking why didn't I act like that through the marriage. I was always eager to make sure I got my point across. I have since learned that's always THE WRONG THING TO DO.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
I feel I handled myself really well during mediation. We settled a few things, but some of the big items were left in the air. Unfortunately, a couple days later, STBXW renigged on what she agreed to and now things are ramping up dramatically in the drama department. Her mother has gone on a tyrade, on facebook, spreading dirt about me and even about her own family that doesn't choose to support her. I have not said a word, and just cringe and stress at all of her comments. STBXW has been hammering me as well. My attorney feels that is because of fear, and I tend to agree. STBXW has said some pretty mean things to me during this portion, and I understand that it is not out of the norm. I am going to hold my head high and not get involved in the mud slinging. I just wish she would stop. We did discuss the settlements once more and I sweetened her deal by a few thousand bucks. I am waiting to hear back from her.....just want it to be done at this point. The stress and anxiety is killing me
Rise above facebook, take a hiatus from it and let people be. They're just making themselves look bad and embarrassing others. Why look if it stresses you out?
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I don't snoop on Facebook. This was brought to my attention by an ex-family member. I haven't said a thing on Facebook, but I did have a few choice words for OM in person. I let it be known, that I will hold him accountable for his words on the internet. I made it pretty clear what I think about his character, and told him that he was no longer allowed to be on my property. If he chooses to come with STBXW to pick up daughter, he can wait near the curb with the other trash. DON'T walk down my driveway! STBXW and he both called me a bully. The irony is actually pretty funny to me.
I hear you're mad. Thing is, neither of us said you were snooping or saying anything on FB. You said it was stressing you out. Whether you find out about it by carrier pigeon or telegram, we're suggesting you ignore it. Things written on FB are a tempest in a teapot and deserve to be ignored.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Ahhhh, okay I see that now. And yes, I am trying very hard to let it roll off my back like a duck, but of course it does make me angry. The drama is still ongoing, but I have not partaken in it. Thank you for the very solid advice! Sometimes I need a kick in the pants to put myself in the right direction.
Well if this stuff were easy everyone would be doing it already.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
"If he chooses to come with STBXW to pick up daughter, he can wait near the curb with the other trash. DON'T walk down my driveway! STBXW and he both called me a bully. The irony is actually pretty funny to me"
I'm laughing so hard on this one. Ignore him, he's not worth your time man. Focus on you and what's important to you. Everything will get better before you know. They're both lost and deep in it. Be the better person by staying positive at all time.
Thanks so much for the support, and helping me understand, that while I do need to remain calm and positive, my feelings and boundaries are appropriate. This portion of DBing is proving to be difficult for me. While I do wish to keep my head high and be upwardly positive, I don't want to loosen my grip on ANYTHING that will negatively impact my future. It is very hard for me to debate or defend myself without being considered a "bully". That word is being thrown around by her, and all of her cronies, like it was my middle name. It's discouraging.
