I am continuing to work on detaching,which is quite hard. Forgetting about ow is the toughest thing. Also, working on gal, which is easier. H hates any gal I do, and monsters pretty bad I get questioned, as I always have been homebody. At least my gal is with kids. In stead of h in middle of night with ow....he actually thinks that involves kids too, but nit me. H makes it quite clear I am not part of his life ...so get out, divorce me...stop with the emotional abuse.
I have been having fun with truth darts. K figure I have nothing to lose. This makes h monster more. It us so nice not to walk on eggshells anymore.
I know - KNOW - the ow thing is difficult to deal with, but it is important that you put her out of your mind. Don't give her the satisfaction of taking up your thoughts and energy - these are better spent on yourself and your children.
Maybe putting forgiveness this way... Is the affair a deal breaker for you? I'm not saying you have to forgive your h tomorrow, but do you think it may be possible in the future? Just something to think about.
Other people can chime in here, but I would take it easy with the truth darts. I don't think your h is anywhere near a place where they may sink in or have an effect. I'm not saying to tiptoe around and walk on eggshells - but don't look for opportunities for these truth darts. You may be just wasting your time at this point, plus adding fuel to his fire.
Keep GALing regardless of what he says or does. He may be angry for quite a while, so keep focusing on you and your girls. Let him be miserable in his own little MLC world
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Thanks for the response. I am guessing getting ow and affair out of my mind is going to take time. Is there any words of wisdom for what worked for you. It is so hard when it is in front of my face the whole time.
I am not sure if I can forgive the affair. I have never been put in this situation. I however am willing to try, to see if I can. I am not sure if I will be given the opportunity. H seems dead set on divorcing me. It makes no sense why he would wait until his crap is done.
I will continue to gal. H seems to be having hard time with loss of control on this. There has been a lit of paranoia and panic ob his part when we are out. It is very frustrating. I feel like I have to have permission to go pee..ugh
I am still going 0 to 6000 when something upsets me. I go into panic mode. I am still nothing to h right now. He is detached from me, I am trying to detach but it is hard.
Ow is still around, but they are just friends. I know it is more but h likes to live in fairytale Lala land. We have gone from90% lies to almost 100%. Not sure if he thinks I am dumb, does not care, or is mental, but the lies are easy to ser through.
So I know that detaching is hard and takes awhile. I was wondering what is the one thing or things that helped you detach?
Keep the focus on you and your children. Find hobbies and projects that make you think. Stay busy, get a rubber band and place it on your wrist...each and every time you think about that ow, snap that band. Also, a money jar is nice because you can say a lot of change, i.e., each and every time you think her, put a dime in the jar. Nice way to save up for a special event.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am going to have a mark on my wrist. I think of her too much! UGH! I am hoping to be able to do more for myself in a few weeks. The school year is ending and that usually means we are not as busy.
It is already Friday early and I don't have the weekend figured out. We had a ball last weekend - so I need to come up with something. H is off part of the weekend to, so I am sure he will tag along and try to be superdad - it is so nauseating. He always has been a good dad, but to see him ACT over the top because of guilt and because of choosing OW over kids a few times is unpleasant. I never thought he would faulture as a dad. I don't think he will walk from the kids. In fact if he divorces me, he will fight for custody.
I am feeling better today, but still have my ups and downs. I continue to try and detach. Now I find that instead of looking forward to H days off - I hate them. So lately when I say or do something he does not like I get this long sarcastic "whatever" or "ok" I am not sure what to say to that? Most times I just roll my eyes. He sounds like he is 16 when he says it - surprise surprise?
I don't get why he talks about divorce and then talks about the future - makes no sense. I am tired of hearing when I divorce you it is going to be so hard because I will be alone, and you are so nice and such a great mom, and it will be so hard on me. UGH! Talk about playing the victim. UMMMMMMMMMMM you want to leave and I am supposed to feel sorry for you. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok - so what is the dumbest lie that your H/W has tried to get away with and cover up. Here is mine - he gotten a flippin huge tattoo and thought I would not notice...LMAO. UMMMMMMM I am not blind, and I pay the bills...DUH!!!!!!!! I am wondering if the brain cells come back after MLC?
My h had a huge pity party on Twitter complete with confetti and balloons. " I'm so alone. I just want someone to love me." Etc. He found a taker within a week. Another person desperate for something, so now we have a mismatched couple. And you know what? I can't do and would never say a thing about that scenario. Waste of time and energy.
I know it's difficult, however stop thinking about h and other woman. You cannot change it anyway. You are wasting moments you could be laughing or working or thinking about things to of with your kids.
Hope you have a nice Friday:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Thanks for the reply. I keep running circles like dog chasing tail. I think what is hard is h says they are just friends, but he is lying. They have ea and pa, and he means it when he says he wants a divorce. I don't know why he is still in the house. There is no physical contact, and some of our friends believe the pity party. They see he us acting strangely, but feel bad for him. Ugh!!; he is the one breaking our vows. My friends tell me there is no use in thinking he will come back. Our kids are young, and it would hurt them. I am standing for now BC I don't give up.
